brownhorse

Well, STBAX is in rehab for a second time and everyone has an opinion on what I should do and I do not know what I feel is best.

lawyer- get to court and take all his visitation rights

therapist-get to court and get in writing that until he is medically cleared and sober-supervised visitation only. Then, as long as he is sober and seeking medical attention, help, and attending a program he can have them unsupervised. Otherwise, someone has to be present. I have no idea who the someone else can be besides his dad. And would they document him going to therapy and AA?

my mom and dad- think I should do nothing and wait, I tend to overreact and we do not even know his diagnosis yet. They think to give it a week or two and get answers first.

My concern, I can not go back to the way it was which is sending my kids and feeling sick to my stomach everyday. I know he needs a diagnosis, but if he decides today to take himself out of rehab, I have papers saying I am supposed to send my kids with him Wednesday. I would refuse, but this is a mess.

I have to say I am so relieved he went back to rehab! I also do not want to slam him in the face with papers, either.

PaperDolls

Put the safety of your children first. Period.

If you feel sick to your stomach when your kids are with him, trust that feeling in your gut.

I'm confused about the diagnosis thing ..... he's in rehab for addiction or alcoholism .... do you need a diagnosis from a doctor to tell you he's not fit right now to take care of the children?

dandylion

Dear brownhorse, what a heavy burden this is for you. It would help if you could clarify for us, just a little more---like what Paperdolls asked.

dandylion

Thumper

These things are so hard. My heart goes out to you.

With much distance, lots of regret for my own poor choices, and the fact that I have a ton of difficulty being a gatekeeper, I side with your lawyer. Get the visitation out of the picture and when/if he gets well - he can go to court to get it changed. If you want to arrange some supervised visits that is your business but no court order will be putting the kids in a sitation that has your stomach in knots.

Honestly - I did not walk that talk and not sure if I could do it today even but I do have regrets for not fighting for my kids when they were going there and shouldn't have been. They paid the price emotionally. They were not physically hurt or even threatened (he is not that kind of parent), and they wanted to go, and nothing bad happened but I knew better, or should have, and I shoud not have allowed it. Kids should not be with a drunk parent and I let it happen

brownhorse

He says he is not drinking and I "Think" (have no dianogsis) that is may be bipolar or some other mood disability. Also, he has something wrong with his stomach.

MsPINKAcres

my thoughts are what would you do if this man was not so closely related to your children -
what if he was just a teacher, friend, uncle, or member of a trusted organization and you had these uneasy feelings

I'm guessing you probably wouldn't hesitate to do what is healthiest for the children -

Just because visitation is stopped for today doesn't mean if or when he is in a healthier place it can't be put back into place ~ If he gets better, then things can be changed . .

Sometimes I wish I had made decisions Just For Today that would have helped protect my girls ~

Just my e, s, & h,

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Freedom1990

I second the suggestion of your lawyer.

I have to often remind myself that I need to keep it simple as possible.

There is nothing wrong with waiting for some solid, lengthy sobriety before visitation is allowed.

In my opinion, that is in the best interest of the children and you.

Ultimately it's your decision to make, dear!

Sending you hugs of support!

NYCDoglvr

Then you know what you have to do. There comes a point when there's no turning back and you know in your gut it's finally over. I hope for your children's sake you make the right decision. God bless.