Food, Booze, and Self Esteem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Göteborg
Posts: 1
Food, Booze, and Self Esteem
Aloha all! I am an American living abroad, and this year has been an eye opener. I now live in a country where people are asocial until liquored up, which has been exceedingly difficult to handle. I am unsure if I am an alcoholic, but I definitely am in recovery for an eating disorder.
I have been in various stages of treatment for binge eating disorder for 10 years, and although I feel much more in control than I used to, I still succumb to the comfort of food, especially in times of loneliness. I look forward to beating this disease with a sledgehammer, but its been slow and steady progress over the last few years.
When I drink, if I have more than 2 glasses, I will guaranteed end up having much more. I wake up with anxiety and regret. I rarely am able to have just one glass. So now I dont drink very often, but wonder if I should stop completely. I wonder how and if others with compulsive eating problems are able to handle alcohol?
Although I am a much stronger and confident person now, I am still insecure. I fear that I wont be loved if I am fat, which drives me to compulsively exercise, diet, and then binge. I am uncomfortable in situations where I feel people are judging me, so I drink. I am anxious when I am hungover, which drives me to eat. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Anyhoo, I stumbled across this forum and look forward to reading about your experiences and listening to your advice. I am actively working to being a more whole person, without relying on food and alcohol to fill the void.
<3
I have been in various stages of treatment for binge eating disorder for 10 years, and although I feel much more in control than I used to, I still succumb to the comfort of food, especially in times of loneliness. I look forward to beating this disease with a sledgehammer, but its been slow and steady progress over the last few years.
When I drink, if I have more than 2 glasses, I will guaranteed end up having much more. I wake up with anxiety and regret. I rarely am able to have just one glass. So now I dont drink very often, but wonder if I should stop completely. I wonder how and if others with compulsive eating problems are able to handle alcohol?
Although I am a much stronger and confident person now, I am still insecure. I fear that I wont be loved if I am fat, which drives me to compulsively exercise, diet, and then binge. I am uncomfortable in situations where I feel people are judging me, so I drink. I am anxious when I am hungover, which drives me to eat. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Anyhoo, I stumbled across this forum and look forward to reading about your experiences and listening to your advice. I am actively working to being a more whole person, without relying on food and alcohol to fill the void.
<3
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Hi and Welcome,
You are seeking to be a whole person, without using food and alcohol, and that's great. In many ways, it's not about the food or the alcohol. It's about how we feel about ourselves. Like you, I had horrible self-esteem issues and used alcohol to fill the emptiness and calm my desire for perfection.
Know for sure that you can learn to like and love yourself and you can recover from both addictions.
You are seeking to be a whole person, without using food and alcohol, and that's great. In many ways, it's not about the food or the alcohol. It's about how we feel about ourselves. Like you, I had horrible self-esteem issues and used alcohol to fill the emptiness and calm my desire for perfection.
Know for sure that you can learn to like and love yourself and you can recover from both addictions.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Fighting Booze and Overeating
Hi, Wandering Soul. I live in Moscow, Russia. I've been also trying to fight booze and food for quite a long time. And I also do this mostly when I feel insecure. I know exactly what you are talking about: I am so stressed when I am in situations when people are judging me (actually, somehow I find myself in such situations every day), that when I come home and find myself alone, not being exposed to other people any more, I need an immediate relief, and that is a glass of wine. Or a bottle of beer. One or two glasses used to help me. But now I just cannot stop till I drink up the entire bottle. And the next day I beat myself up for this, and look and feel awful that makes me feel even more insecure. And I am trapped in this vicious circle.
Oh, well. Unfortunately spinach and green tea do not help when you feel lonely and your heart is bleeding. And here comes wine that eases your pain. And you become dependent.
I am trying vigorously to fight this. I did not figure out a universal and ideal method to cope with this yet, but there are some tricks that help me to stay away from alcohol and overeating. May be, you will find my advices boring and useless, but do not reject them immediately. Since they are helping me, they can be helpful to you as well).
1. You mentioned that you are exercising. If your finances are Ok I advise you to hire a personal trainer, some positive person that will inspire and encourage you to stick to healthy life. Someone you won't be ashamed of and won't feel insecure with. When I was working out with a personal trainer it was much easier for me to forget about wine and sweets (my favorite combination, unfortunately). My personal trainer made me keep a nutrition diary and write down every piece of food that I had during the day. It seems to be boring only the first couple of days but after is you are just getting used to it and do it like brushing your teeth. Believe me, when you have to show your diary to a trainer twice a week and explain why you drank too much or ate junk food again you feel so ill at ease, that it is just easier not to do it. Sometimes it irritates, but still works. After all we all need some control and tough love to keep us in line. So, to make a long story short, it helped me a lot.
2. Do not drink in front of TV or computer. I realize too well that it is much easier to say than do, but still. I noticed that when my favorite characters on screen drink or eat, I feel like doing the same. The problem is, characters are fictional, and my hangovers are real. I know it is such a pleasure to sit on a comfortable couch, sipping wine, eating delicious food, watching a movie. But still I cannot stop drinking at the right moment, it is better to find some other pleasure (I am still fighting this habit). I did not give up this totally yet, but I am not doing this often. Instead I download my favorite books in MP3 player, listed to them and do some work about the house. Not quite a substitution but helps.
3. This advice may sound a little bit weird. Do not contemplate on your life too much. When I am thinking about the nasty estate division with my brother or some other problems like this, I feel like I prefer to be drunk than to be hurt that much. I am trying to focus on the present and stop worrying about the future. After all, I have just one life to live, and I am wasting it in hangovers.
4. Every time I start worrying about what people think of me, I ask myself: "And what?" Well, this driver thinks I am idiot for some reason, or somebody in the gym thinks I am too fat, whatever. Well, maybe they think so, maybe not. But even if they do, how will it affect me? Will it ruin me right now? Will it end my life immediately? It is not them but my own mind that puts me in stress.
Well, I have a lot to say on this topic, but I think you've already tired reading my long post).
By the way, I am looking for a "quit-drinking" buddy online. If you feel like chatting with me about that and sharing your way to cope with this problem, I am here.
Take care.
Oh, well. Unfortunately spinach and green tea do not help when you feel lonely and your heart is bleeding. And here comes wine that eases your pain. And you become dependent.
I am trying vigorously to fight this. I did not figure out a universal and ideal method to cope with this yet, but there are some tricks that help me to stay away from alcohol and overeating. May be, you will find my advices boring and useless, but do not reject them immediately. Since they are helping me, they can be helpful to you as well).
1. You mentioned that you are exercising. If your finances are Ok I advise you to hire a personal trainer, some positive person that will inspire and encourage you to stick to healthy life. Someone you won't be ashamed of and won't feel insecure with. When I was working out with a personal trainer it was much easier for me to forget about wine and sweets (my favorite combination, unfortunately). My personal trainer made me keep a nutrition diary and write down every piece of food that I had during the day. It seems to be boring only the first couple of days but after is you are just getting used to it and do it like brushing your teeth. Believe me, when you have to show your diary to a trainer twice a week and explain why you drank too much or ate junk food again you feel so ill at ease, that it is just easier not to do it. Sometimes it irritates, but still works. After all we all need some control and tough love to keep us in line. So, to make a long story short, it helped me a lot.
2. Do not drink in front of TV or computer. I realize too well that it is much easier to say than do, but still. I noticed that when my favorite characters on screen drink or eat, I feel like doing the same. The problem is, characters are fictional, and my hangovers are real. I know it is such a pleasure to sit on a comfortable couch, sipping wine, eating delicious food, watching a movie. But still I cannot stop drinking at the right moment, it is better to find some other pleasure (I am still fighting this habit). I did not give up this totally yet, but I am not doing this often. Instead I download my favorite books in MP3 player, listed to them and do some work about the house. Not quite a substitution but helps.
3. This advice may sound a little bit weird. Do not contemplate on your life too much. When I am thinking about the nasty estate division with my brother or some other problems like this, I feel like I prefer to be drunk than to be hurt that much. I am trying to focus on the present and stop worrying about the future. After all, I have just one life to live, and I am wasting it in hangovers.
4. Every time I start worrying about what people think of me, I ask myself: "And what?" Well, this driver thinks I am idiot for some reason, or somebody in the gym thinks I am too fat, whatever. Well, maybe they think so, maybe not. But even if they do, how will it affect me? Will it ruin me right now? Will it end my life immediately? It is not them but my own mind that puts me in stress.
Well, I have a lot to say on this topic, but I think you've already tired reading my long post).
By the way, I am looking for a "quit-drinking" buddy online. If you feel like chatting with me about that and sharing your way to cope with this problem, I am here.
Take care.
Last edited by Dee74; 09-13-2021 at 12:59 PM. Reason: Pm
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
You're both in the right place. I've only been here a few days and I love it. Lots of "quit-drinking" buddies here.
I recommend browsing the first couple dozen threads in the list and jumping right in. By default they're listed most recent first and the replies count will tell you how active they are. As Anna said, WECOME!
I recommend browsing the first couple dozen threads in the list and jumping right in. By default they're listed most recent first and the replies count will tell you how active they are. As Anna said, WECOME!
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