Mom of 2 young kids, I need to stop drinking if not for myself, for them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 4
Mom of 2 young kids, I need to stop drinking if not for myself, for them.
Hi,
I have been reading the posts on this site for months. I signed up a few weeks ago. Yet I still have yet to make it more than one day a week without drinking. I drink a bottle of wine a night, some nights I cap that off with a beer or 3. I hate how I feel the next day, while I love how I feel in the moment. I somehow manage to still be a good mom to my 2 young kids (a 5 year old girl and 19 month boy) and I am successfully at work. I know that does not make this right. I know it makes me depressed, anxious and hateful, as well as impatient. I drink to simply put myself into another "level" after the kids have gone to bed. It used to be "me time", but now it's "I get sloshed time and everyone is suffering, including myself".
I cannot seem to get myself past the evening time, as soon as the sun sets, my willpower is out the window and I think, "what's one more night, I'll stop tomorrow". The next day I am hungover, angry at myself and often impatient with my family or other obligations. I am so tired of this. The few times I don't drink at night, the next day I am so amazed at how tired I am but how good I feel. So why CAN'T I STOP? It's maddening. How do I change my thinking to just stop permanently? I read all these successful posts and wonder why I can't be that way. Also, I smoke (and want to quit), so when I drink I smoke twice as much.
I am fully aware that I am quickly killing myself in front of my family (though they have no idea of my problem), yet I still fall to it every night. I need some sort of support that is outside of my own daily agenda.
I cringe at thinking that I could potentially leave my kids and husband mommy-less because of my poor habits, that thought breaks my heart. We only have one life to live and we need to make it count for us and those around us. I simply cannot believe that I STILL cannot make this change. What's wrong with me? Any help or advice would be so appreciated. Please no criticism, as you can see, I do that well enough for myself.
How does one person just stop drinking or change that habit without paying thousands or AA? I've never been to AA, I'm not knocking it. I would just like to hear what other options people have tried that doesn't require another appointment or obligation.
Thank you so much for listening.
I have been reading the posts on this site for months. I signed up a few weeks ago. Yet I still have yet to make it more than one day a week without drinking. I drink a bottle of wine a night, some nights I cap that off with a beer or 3. I hate how I feel the next day, while I love how I feel in the moment. I somehow manage to still be a good mom to my 2 young kids (a 5 year old girl and 19 month boy) and I am successfully at work. I know that does not make this right. I know it makes me depressed, anxious and hateful, as well as impatient. I drink to simply put myself into another "level" after the kids have gone to bed. It used to be "me time", but now it's "I get sloshed time and everyone is suffering, including myself".
I cannot seem to get myself past the evening time, as soon as the sun sets, my willpower is out the window and I think, "what's one more night, I'll stop tomorrow". The next day I am hungover, angry at myself and often impatient with my family or other obligations. I am so tired of this. The few times I don't drink at night, the next day I am so amazed at how tired I am but how good I feel. So why CAN'T I STOP? It's maddening. How do I change my thinking to just stop permanently? I read all these successful posts and wonder why I can't be that way. Also, I smoke (and want to quit), so when I drink I smoke twice as much.
I am fully aware that I am quickly killing myself in front of my family (though they have no idea of my problem), yet I still fall to it every night. I need some sort of support that is outside of my own daily agenda.
I cringe at thinking that I could potentially leave my kids and husband mommy-less because of my poor habits, that thought breaks my heart. We only have one life to live and we need to make it count for us and those around us. I simply cannot believe that I STILL cannot make this change. What's wrong with me? Any help or advice would be so appreciated. Please no criticism, as you can see, I do that well enough for myself.
How does one person just stop drinking or change that habit without paying thousands or AA? I've never been to AA, I'm not knocking it. I would just like to hear what other options people have tried that doesn't require another appointment or obligation.
Thank you so much for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I can relate to your post...The only thing that worked for me was AA...So I'll let some others throw out the options that worked for them...Just wanted to welcome you to the site. Glad to have you with us!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I am glad you found us also 
And also a fellow AAer... And the obligation is exactly what I needed. And over time , it taught me so much in just daily living. So today its not a obligation its just a way of life..
Check out the Secular Forums and read and post there also for other programs.
And also a fellow AAer... And the obligation is exactly what I needed. And over time , it taught me so much in just daily living. So today its not a obligation its just a way of life..
Check out the Secular Forums and read and post there also for other programs.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi nevertell
I think support was a game changer for me. Being part of this community forced me to accept I had a real problem and helped me reconsider that nightly drinking when I know I could, and should, post on here for help instead.
Joining here is a good start - check out our Class of October support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-2.html
I also recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach
D
I think support was a game changer for me. Being part of this community forced me to accept I had a real problem and helped me reconsider that nightly drinking when I know I could, and should, post on here for help instead.
Joining here is a good start - check out our Class of October support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-2.html
I also recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR, nevertell you've found a marvellous place here, there is so much support on offer.
It is hard to stop entirely, and that step where you say "no more" and follow that through is a tough one. I can relate to how you feel right now but I also want to tell you that it doesn't have to be this way. For me, although I had physical symptoms due to my drinking (I was very sluggish, sometimes had a pain in my liver area and my hangovers were not nice) it was the mental effects that drinking had on me that were crippling. Anxiety... shame... remorse... guilt... I got to a state where I hated myself, and like you, I was very critical of who I was.
The good news is that I have been sober for a good while now and I am no longer so down on myself and I give full credit to me being sober for that development. Almost immediately after I stopped drinking I felt better about myself and six months on I am a different person.
You can be sober today. It's not easy but it is very simple - all you have to do is stop putting alcohol inside you. That's it. Get rid of the alcohol in your house and make a commitment to not buying any more. Believe in yourself, because you CAN do this. There are thousands of people here on SR who have been in your position and are now sober. It is most definitely not impossible.
I don't use AA. I use AVRT, which you can find out about either by looking it up on Google or by searching for it on here - there is so much information about it on the secular connections part of this forum, and if you can't find out what you want to know, start a thread - the users over there are very helpful and willing to explain everything.
You can do this!
you've found a marvellous place here, there is so much support on offer. It is hard to stop entirely, and that step where you say "no more" and follow that through is a tough one. I can relate to how you feel right now but I also want to tell you that it doesn't have to be this way. For me, although I had physical symptoms due to my drinking (I was very sluggish, sometimes had a pain in my liver area and my hangovers were not nice) it was the mental effects that drinking had on me that were crippling. Anxiety... shame... remorse... guilt... I got to a state where I hated myself, and like you, I was very critical of who I was.
The good news is that I have been sober for a good while now and I am no longer so down on myself and I give full credit to me being sober for that development. Almost immediately after I stopped drinking I felt better about myself and six months on I am a different person.
You can be sober today. It's not easy but it is very simple - all you have to do is stop putting alcohol inside you. That's it. Get rid of the alcohol in your house and make a commitment to not buying any more. Believe in yourself, because you CAN do this. There are thousands of people here on SR who have been in your position and are now sober. It is most definitely not impossible.
I don't use AA. I use AVRT, which you can find out about either by looking it up on Google or by searching for it on here - there is so much information about it on the secular connections part of this forum, and if you can't find out what you want to know, start a thread - the users over there are very helpful and willing to explain everything.
You can do this!
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
NA'er here. A lot of people say the only person you can quit for is yourself but I have found that the people who are closest to you also provide you with that oomph to stay on the straight and narrow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I identify with you, glad you are here now, cos in 2-3years, you might be drinking 2 bottles of wine.
please remember how good you feel when sober. Imagine how you would feel 3-4 sober mornings, imagine how much better your body will be withou alcohol too.
( more later, gotta do some stuff)
please remember how good you feel when sober. Imagine how you would feel 3-4 sober mornings, imagine how much better your body will be withou alcohol too.
( more later, gotta do some stuff)
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
Welcome to SR! 
I too felt like I'd never be able to stop drinking, that I was hopeless.
But with the help of my addiction counselor and this site I'm going on three years sober. It takes a lot of effort and lifestyle changes, but it's so worth it. My life is better now than it's been in years.
You can do this!
I too felt like I'd never be able to stop drinking, that I was hopeless.
But with the help of my addiction counselor and this site I'm going on three years sober. It takes a lot of effort and lifestyle changes, but it's so worth it. My life is better now than it's been in years.You can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome,
I'm glad you decided to post.
I have relied on SR and some great books for my recovery and you will find lots of different ideas here when you look around.
The only way to break the habit and stop is to just do it. Get rid of the alcohol in your house and don't buy anymore. Get through the evening any way you can - call a friend, go for a walk, play with your kids, whatever helps you. Each day will get a bit easier.
I'm glad you decided to post.
I have relied on SR and some great books for my recovery and you will find lots of different ideas here when you look around.
The only way to break the habit and stop is to just do it. Get rid of the alcohol in your house and don't buy anymore. Get through the evening any way you can - call a friend, go for a walk, play with your kids, whatever helps you. Each day will get a bit easier.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Inbetween dances
Posts: 548
I have a similar situation, 2 kids and I there alcoholic mother. I drank to hide pain, cover (and unfortunately create more) anxiety. I wanted to escape. I didn't want to deal with life. I wasn't suicidal, but I just wanted out of my own way. Well I found that drinking wasn't the answer. Drinking was THE problem. Today I'm sober, and I will pray to be sober all day, deal with life on life's terms and accept that escaping is not the answer! Stick around here and you will read some amazing stories and receive more support than you know what to do with! But just take it one day, hour or minute at a time. Waking up 7 sober days in a row is wonderful! Best wishes! Xoxo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 24
Welcome, nevertell I relate to your story, I too have 2 children who have just gotten used to me drinking wine in the evenings, smelling like it, etc. It's their "normal" which is just embarrassing. I was drinking up to half a small box of wine a night (2 bottles). I don't even know why I do, though I am sure there is an underlying reason that I am going to try and figure out. Anyway, I am only on day 2 but last night I just kept reading posts and more posts and it got me through. I am hoping to find all the support I need here though if if for some reason I fall off, I will seek out an AA group. I have been before with my dad who was an alcoholic. The people are so nice and welcoming and everyone is in the same boat so they understand. I hope you make it through today...I am rooting for you!
I relate to your story, I too have 2 children who have just gotten used to me drinking wine in the evenings, smelling like it, etc. It's their "normal" which is just embarrassing. I was drinking up to half a small box of wine a night (2 bottles). I don't even know why I do, though I am sure there is an underlying reason that I am going to try and figure out. Anyway, I am only on day 2 but last night I just kept reading posts and more posts and it got me through. I am hoping to find all the support I need here though if if for some reason I fall off, I will seek out an AA group. I have been before with my dad who was an alcoholic. The people are so nice and welcoming and everyone is in the same boat so they understand. I hope you make it through today...I am rooting for you! A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Welcome Nevertell
I am an AA'er and for me it is the only thing that worked but there are other ways that have been effective for others. AA is the grand daddy of alcohol recovery and has been teaching people how not to drink for more than 80 years.
The preception of what AA is and the reality are two very very differant things. Give it a try and if you do not like it try something else. No matter what road you take it will not be easy but it is possilble as many here can prove.
Let others that have gone before you show you the way to living sober.
I am an AA'er and for me it is the only thing that worked but there are other ways that have been effective for others. AA is the grand daddy of alcohol recovery and has been teaching people how not to drink for more than 80 years.
The preception of what AA is and the reality are two very very differant things. Give it a try and if you do not like it try something else. No matter what road you take it will not be easy but it is possilble as many here can prove.
Let others that have gone before you show you the way to living sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 64
Hi Nevertell1,
I could have written your post. That was me almost 50 days ago. I have 7 children. I drank wine -in the evenings- while cooking, doing homework, wash, watching tv, listening to oral reports - you name it.
I could hardly wait to drink in the evenings. Sure I had intermittent nights with no alcohol and would feel pretty good the next day- but I was back at it a few days later. I would rationalize with myself that I didn't have a problem - because I didn't wake up and drink, I have a great job, family, kids, home etc. A lot to lose.
It was an awful cycle I just could not break. I had a dialogue in my head negotiating how much and what I would drink. The "voice" would tell me -"Your just going to have two. So what is the big deal? You are taking care of your heart." "The kids are fine. They don't notice." Very sad.
It was my addictive voice - just having a name for that "idiot side of my brain" has helped me so much. I know AA has worked for so many people and it is great, but here is another option Rational Recovery - AVRT - Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. You can google it. You sound desperate - I get it- so I thought I would throw this out there for you.
There are threads under the secular section of SR that you can go to that I have found helpful.
Best of luck and I am pulling for you.
Ash
I could have written your post. That was me almost 50 days ago. I have 7 children. I drank wine -in the evenings- while cooking, doing homework, wash, watching tv, listening to oral reports - you name it.
I could hardly wait to drink in the evenings. Sure I had intermittent nights with no alcohol and would feel pretty good the next day- but I was back at it a few days later. I would rationalize with myself that I didn't have a problem - because I didn't wake up and drink, I have a great job, family, kids, home etc. A lot to lose.
It was an awful cycle I just could not break. I had a dialogue in my head negotiating how much and what I would drink. The "voice" would tell me -"Your just going to have two. So what is the big deal? You are taking care of your heart." "The kids are fine. They don't notice." Very sad.
It was my addictive voice - just having a name for that "idiot side of my brain" has helped me so much. I know AA has worked for so many people and it is great, but here is another option Rational Recovery - AVRT - Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. You can google it. You sound desperate - I get it- so I thought I would throw this out there for you.
There are threads under the secular section of SR that you can go to that I have found helpful.
Best of luck and I am pulling for you.
Ash
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Getting there
Posts: 216
My kid called me an alcoholic..and I am an alcoholic ..I stopped drinking about a month after he said it to me. My son was not much older than your older kid. It sure did hit home when he said it.
Over the past month had a lot of time to think about alot of things. When you are an alcoholic alcohol takes no PRISONERS - alcohol over the long term eventually will make a victim of you and your family, take your home, your job, your marriage, your life......that is the seriousness of being an alcoholic.
Over the past month had a lot of time to think about alot of things. When you are an alcoholic alcohol takes no PRISONERS - alcohol over the long term eventually will make a victim of you and your family, take your home, your job, your marriage, your life......that is the seriousness of being an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Newark, England
Posts: 62
I was a wine drinker, two bottles a night, sometimes on top of four pints of strong cider and still went to be feeling sober.
I wasn't an AA, I made a decision to seek help and one morning rang the Pastor of my partners church. I met him that night, confessed everything that I could admit to myself that night and started the process of changing my life with small steps everyday. I didn't quite drink straight away, but over 10 days.
The night before I met my Pastor was the last night I brought wine into the house, I had a third of a bottle left in the house when I met on that Monday night, that bottle stayed on top of the fridge all week, each time I walked past it I pointed at and told it it was going to have and that I had plans for it.
The next Sunday I went into town brought a large storage box and put all the clothes that to me that I mainly wore when drinking, my pillows that stank of sweat and alcohol and on top the third of a bottle of wine, closed the box, wrote on I don't need this anymore and the Healing has begun, I then took the box and put it in the cellar (basement) with all the other rubbish that had gathered dust over the last few years since we moved to the house. Six months later the box is still there. The Thursday after I took my last drink at the pub with a friend, I decided I did not like the taste and that was it I wasn't drinking again.
The next Sunday I walk into Church and six months later I have never felt so alive.
It's not an easy ride, but if you stay strong and which ever way you chose you remember you are not alone, ask for help when you need it.
Be strong, keep the faith.
UR>
Wayne
I wasn't an AA, I made a decision to seek help and one morning rang the Pastor of my partners church. I met him that night, confessed everything that I could admit to myself that night and started the process of changing my life with small steps everyday. I didn't quite drink straight away, but over 10 days.
The night before I met my Pastor was the last night I brought wine into the house, I had a third of a bottle left in the house when I met on that Monday night, that bottle stayed on top of the fridge all week, each time I walked past it I pointed at and told it it was going to have and that I had plans for it.
The next Sunday I went into town brought a large storage box and put all the clothes that to me that I mainly wore when drinking, my pillows that stank of sweat and alcohol and on top the third of a bottle of wine, closed the box, wrote on I don't need this anymore and the Healing has begun, I then took the box and put it in the cellar (basement) with all the other rubbish that had gathered dust over the last few years since we moved to the house. Six months later the box is still there. The Thursday after I took my last drink at the pub with a friend, I decided I did not like the taste and that was it I wasn't drinking again.
The next Sunday I walk into Church and six months later I have never felt so alive.
It's not an easy ride, but if you stay strong and which ever way you chose you remember you are not alone, ask for help when you need it.
Be strong, keep the faith.
UR>
Wayne
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by Dejvice 
When you are an alcoholic alcohol takes no PRISONERS - alcohol over the long term eventually will make a victim of you and your family, take your home, your job, your marriage, your life......that is the seriousness of being an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: SE USA
Posts: 941
Welcome Nevertell,
I am also a mother of two kids who were very familiar with the smell and taste of Vodka - they learned at an early age never to drink out of Mommy's cup as it was not water. I too woke up every morning ashamed, renewing a vow not to drink that day- only to start again at 4 PM. This community of people are truly wonderful. Keep posting and reading and you will find what works for you. I am finishing day 40 today after thousands of false starts. If I can do this - You can do this.
Take care - Pan
I am also a mother of two kids who were very familiar with the smell and taste of Vodka - they learned at an early age never to drink out of Mommy's cup as it was not water. I too woke up every morning ashamed, renewing a vow not to drink that day- only to start again at 4 PM. This community of people are truly wonderful. Keep posting and reading and you will find what works for you. I am finishing day 40 today after thousands of false starts. If I can do this - You can do this.
Take care - Pan
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Oh Nevertell you are me. My drinking was my nighttime thing and you sound so much like me. I thought I could carry on as you are but it got worse...much worse recently...I ended up needing more. I said the exact same things to myself all the time. I just decided to stop...I didnt know if I could but here I am on day 9 or end of day 9...It is much easier now...the first 5 days were very hard but I am enjoying waking up well and sleeping great. I no longer wake up feeling sad and lonely and like a failure. I never thought I could do this but I am doing it. I have been drinking like this for 20 years and am 41. You can do this. This place is amazing and we are here for you...I am here for you. Please call on me for anything....I totally understand you. Hugs
zapped
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: milwaukee, wi
Posts: 26
after 5-6 glasses of wine or beer, that "one more cant' hurt" instinct is really strong isn't it? i mean at 11pm at night there's no difference between 6 or 7... it was just endless until i got tired enough to fall asleep at 1am each night and somehow wake up for work the next day and proceed to get nothing done and slowly alienate everyone around me. happy to be sober and alive the last 7 months.
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