jayscott

Hello SR! Been a long, long time since I was last here. Much has happened since the crazy, drama-filled days of trying to get some distance with my alcoholic ex-wife...but the outcome has generally been pretty positive:

• We're divorced (finally!)
• I have sole custody of our 2-year-old boy
• She has supervised visits only

I've turned my professional life inside-out to be able to move back closer to family, but it's been worth every ounce of sacrifice. For better or worse, AXW has followed me here...in theory, to be able to spend more time with our son. She's working on some sort of recovery, though with pretty poor success. Maybe 2 months sober.

Now she's pushing for unsupervised visits. I'm really curious to hear what experiences other people have had in transitioning from supervised back to unsupervised visits, when you did it, WHY you did it..?

suki44883

Well, hey there! I was just thinking about you the other day. I'm so glad you came back and gave us an update. ((((HUGS))))

While I haven't personally had experience with this, I do feel the need to say that 2 months sober is just a drop in the bucket, especially where unsupervised visits with a 2-year old is concerned. I don't think I would be willing to change anything until she had been sober and working a good program for at least a year. If she's serious about recovery, that won't be a problem for her.

Again, glad to hear from you!

4MyBoys

Hi Jayscott,

I am going through my divorce right now. I temporarily have custody of my kids and he has minimal visitation rights. When we started, I had full custody and he had to have suppervised visits at a county facility. A month ago, he was given a few hours a week of unsupervised visits with no overnights allowed. He is not allowed to drink during the visits and 8 hours prior. Court ordered. I was asked to try this for the "good" of the kids. That the supervised visits were too stressfull for all. Well my STBX will not admit he has a problem. So I just had to call the kids appointed attorneys because the boys told me he was drinking beer during the visits.

A dead give a way, when my 4 year old told me he was drinking mouthwash in the truck ride to meet me. So I asked my older son and he confirmed it. The kids attorney met them and they told her about it. I had court today to set a hearing date and it was not even brought up. I don't know how much I will have to prove to show he has a problem.

If I had your position, I would wait until she had more time under her belt. It just seems hard to reign it back in once you loosen your control over the situation. And a two year old is not going to be able to tell you it Mommy is doing things she shouldn't.

My two cents,
4MyBoys

lillamy

No.
Just say no.
Two months of sobriety is not enough.

MsPINKAcres

I have often suggested to folks I talk to about these situations to look at it, without the personal attachment if you can - take out the factor of it being the child's parent,

Now. . . Having said that . . . if this person was just someone you knew . . . maybe a hired babysitter that suffered from the disease of alcoholism/addiction and was 2 months sober (maybe sober/ maybe not) would you allow your child to be with them unsupervised?

Just throwing that out there as food for thought ~

nothing wrong with adjusting the schedule as time goes on & actions match up with words & best intentions ~

wishing the best for you, your child & your exaw in her recovery too!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

jayscott

I should have clarified...I don't have any desire or inclination to change the custody plan with 2 months sobriety. Was curious what to expect when she drags this back to court, though...

Thumper

Hello - I don't have any experience to share on this subject but wanted to let you know how happy I was to see your update! It sounds like you are finding some even footing. That is great news!

I guess I do have one piece of advice. Documentation - courts love it. Keep a journal where you can just enter notes. You can document facts and perception - just notate the fact. Keep it brief and to the point.

4MyBoys

Well my experience is that the courts really want to have both parents in the child's life. I don't know what happened to get the first ruling. But if she is showing progress be prepared to have them encourage the unsupervised visits.

Confetti

I was hoping for supervised visitation, for my three little ones with STBXAH, but was informed that in my province (I'm a Canadian, eh.). Supervised is the last route. They prefer to give unsupervised and then if there is a problem make it supervised. So basically, give him enough rope to hang himself .... I don't really like the theory and it makes me very uneasy especially since the littlest is only one. For now I'm insisting on day visits and overnight only if his mother is there.

jayscott

Not sure if this is amusing to y'all or not, but thought I'd pass along that XAW has been binging for the past 2 days...ever since I told her "no" to the unsupervised time request, basically. Which is kinda why I still say "no" to all this silliness.

MsPINKAcres

((JS))

It's not amusing to me, hate so much to hear about her binging - not only for the children, but for herself too ~ this is a sad disease ~

When I hear of an AW or a Mother losing visitation of her children - it breaks my heart - I'm glad the children are protected but I also remember my precious daughter who loves her 3 children so much. She is a wonderful mom - WHEN SHE IS SOBER -

When she isn't - I'm glad there are avenues that protect my grandchildren.

No, this is not amusing - to me most days nothing about this disease is amusing

prayers & good thoughts for you & your family,

PINK HUGS,
Rita