Maylie

I was trying to explain to my mom that although I don't want to do drugs it isn't as simple as it seems. My mom seems to think that once you know that drugs aren't adding anything positive to your life that stopping should be a 1 2 3 thing that doesn't take a second thought. Don't get me wrong, she is REALLY supportive, but sometimes I wish she could see that it isn't that simple.

My mom seems to view me as an "exception". There is me and then there are the "real" drug addicts. I know she can't handle thinking of me as a full blown addict, but sometimes I wish she could grasp that recovery is going to be a long process. I just wish that I could let her in on what is going on in my mind. She has never had to wake up and crave something or be physically addicted to a substance. She never saw a store, park, place, or anything that triggers memories that made her want to use. Addiction is so life consuming that sometimes I feel it will take nothing short of a miracle to get to the other side. I love that she is behind me, but I just wish that she realizes how much work/energy it will take to get to where she expects me to be in a day.

Support from my family is really important to me and I know they are all doing their best to understand, but sometimes I just wish they had some more insight to the inner struggles of an addict without me having to hand her my journal and risk her having a heart attack and panicking over the reality of the inner struggle of addiction.

Anyone else ever feel like those around them think addiction can be solved simply by knowing you shouldn't do drugs and just stopping?

Maylie

ADL31

Hi Maylie,

My issue is with alcohol but I understand the family dynamic.

My family is very on board as far as being supportive. But 1) they cannot get inside of it. They do not understand it. They DO understand that I need them to be supportive. They DO NOT understand that my drinking is not rebellion and/or "bad behavior".

I am currently in the middle of another relapse. But just had a good talk with my parents today and plan on going to a rehab soon. But it made me realize something, and of course I don't know if this is how your mom is. What we do hurts other people, especially parents, so deeply. I've found through my recovery experiences that I get what I put in from my parents. The times I look back and get pissed because they weren't engaged after I was sober for 10, 20, 30 days and put it on them. Well, I was not communicating the same way I did with them on day 1. I was beginning to shrink away from the problem, isolate, and trend towards a relapse every time. It takes a really unique person, IMO, to always push back when you tend to isolate them.

justhadenough

I totally understand. I accept now though my mum doesn't want to think I have a problem-what mum would? She said to me-'oh it's just matter of will power' People who don't suffer from it truly don't understand.

There is no point me trying to tell her otherwise-it just upsets me. sometimes we have to just accept we can't change the minds of others. good luck with your recovery

Sapling

That's very true JHE....And I think it is dangerous when people tell alcoholics that they do. I can tell you if it was a matter of will power AA wouldn't be located all over the world....And I wouldn't be a sober member in good standing with it. I have no power over alchol...Like millions of other Happy AA members...That was my problem...Lack of power. It took me working the 12 steps of AA to find that power....Now the alcohol problem has been removed....It doesn't exist for me. And I live a simple program which is simply just to be a better human being.....One day at a time.

Sapling

Why don't you give your mom a copy of the Big Book of AA....Let her read it....It deals with alcohol but it may shed some light on addiction for her. Have you looked into NA Maylie?....They have their own book too.

TigerLili

I've never discussed my alcoholism or addiction issues with my family. They'd never understand and it would only upset them.

Al-Anon/Nar-Anon may be helpful for your mother if you are in a 12 step programme.

Krb

I have been in a fatal car accident and was put on oxy for my back i have gotten 3 herniated discs from the accident. To make a LONG story short my wife thinks IM scum and love the drugs more than her and my children and you know that'd not true. She is about to walk out of my life with my kids because she thinks i love the pills more.i am going to quit really this time but she doesn't believe me and i don't blame her..i HOPE its nit to late i finally admitted trouble myself IM addicted. Thanks for your post just remember God knows the truth.

hypochondriac

I could have written your post word for word Maylie, just substitute drugs with alcohol... I think that there is a huge part of parents just wanting everything to be okay and not wanting to accept that there is a problem. It isn't hugely helpful but burying your head in the sand seems to be a viable option for some. My situation should be more simple on the basis that my family didn't know I had a problem with alcohol until I told them a few months after getting sober. I thought that there were no negatives there, that they would have been proud of me for sorting it out and maybe it would have explained a few things. I didn't get a great reaction and I think I didn't take into consideration that it would make my mother feel like she had done something wrong. Although I have tried to reassure her it doesn't seem to be working. She just finds the whole thing very upsetting. I tried to get her to read some literature but she didn't want to read something that wasn't about me (and her reading my journal is not an option because she really would panic!) and I mentioned it might be worth her speaking to someone at Al-anon, she was indignant that she should have to speak to anyone seeing as it was me that had the problem... I have run into brick walls on this one.

And if my mother seems to have over reacted then my sis has underplayed it a lot and seems to think me quitting drinking is a lifestyle choice, like her giving up dairy. While there are similarities I don't think she gets it either.

So yeah, other people don't really understand, which is why I think having contact with people who do is really important. Do you go to NA or counselling Maylie? I know that if I didn't have more support then I would feel under a lot of pressure to just be okay now and would feel guilty for not being okay so my family didn't have to worry x

Sapling

This is from the Big Book of AA...

It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done. Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them.

How many times people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

foodie1

I can relate. My stepdad pretty much just put it out of his head, he still offers me drinks, and my mom told me once to just pretend I'm Mormon. They're in their own world, thank goodness my world has AA and SR!

Maylie

thanks all for responding it makes me feel alot better that I am not alone and we all are going through the same struggles. I have tried to get her to read things but she never does. I am learning to just keep focusing on myself and taking steps needed to gain back a fulfilling life.

I hope that everyone is having a nice sober/clean Monday! It's raining here and that used to be an excuse to use for me, today I'm happy to be sitting in pajamas watched tv

hugs

Maylie