Notices

why?

Old 09-27-2012, 08:21 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 58
why?

It's been six days since my last drink and I am blown away by how I was acting up until last week. Why was I so out of control? How did it get so bad? In the past few weeks I did things that could have killed me, or at the least gotten me arrested. I put my career in jeopardy. I risked my family, my future, and my life. And for what? Why do I do these crazy things? It's weird to have so much clarity now when this time last week I was so out of control. I have to remember what is at stake so I will never make such reckless decisions again. I have decided to go back to counseling to see if I can figure our why I drink and why my thought process is so out of whack. I know I can change for good and SR is the one thing giving me that confidence this time so thank you all so much!
ca3726 is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:26 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sobersunshine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Good for you ca! It's amazing the clarity that comes with getting sober. I have the same feelings (I'm on day 23). Have you looked into AA? I highly recommend it.
Sobersunshine is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:29 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 55
Funny, I was just thinking much the same thing. The best I can come up with is that it all made sense at the time. I have 30 days sober and a completely different mindset now. Fortunately nothing in my life seems to have suffered permanent damage, but I feel pretty stupid now.
Amazon is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:29 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 55
Sorry, only 20 days - mistype.
Amazon is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 58
I'm on the fence about AA. I have been a couple of times before but didn't feel like I really fit in. But I'm going to talk to my counselor about it and see if she can help me find a good fit. I have promised myself I will explore every option of recovery this time around. I am learning about AVRT and hopefully can find an AA group soon. Thanks for the encouragement.
ca3726 is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:56 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by ca3726 View Post
I'm on the fence about AA. I have been a couple of times before but didn't feel like I really fit in.
I'm curious what you mean by that....Do you think you drank too much...Or not enough? When I got to AA and I was broken....I had lost everything and I was shaking so bad I was unemployable....It was either stop drinking or stop living....Because it was killing me. I had to commit to it....90 meetings in 90 days...I did that...Read the book and took the suggestions they gave me...It will be 15 months on Monday for me without a drink....If what you try doesn't work....I'm living proof that AA does....I wish you the best on your sober journey and I'm glad you found the site.
Sapling is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:56 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Awaiting Email Confirmation
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
I think it's because you aren't making those reckless decisions, your addiction is. We all do things while drinking or on drugs that we wouldn't even consider doing if we were straight. I feel we're literally out of our mind during this thought process, which is what makes it so scary. It completely takes over.
NoFireWater is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 09:02 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 58
Sapling,
I know I drank too much. My life was completely our of control. I want to do anything that will help me stay sober. I'm just trying to figure our if AA is for me. I know it is a wonderful program that has saved countless lives. I guess the best way to figure IR out is to give it another try and leave it in God's hands. Thanks for the advice.
ca3726 is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 09:32 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Way to go ca..you sound strong and clear headed
quitforme79 is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 09:43 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,937
I think we can worry too much about the why - I'm still not really clear on my 'why'...but I didn't have to be in order to do something about it

congrats on your 6 days ca

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 09:45 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Groovy Dancer
 
Ghostly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Originally Posted by ca3726 View Post
Why was I so out of control?
A lot of us think about these things. A lot of us chose the alcohol / drugs over our loved ones. Important thing is that you know it now, you've seen it doesn't have to be that way. Don't forget about the past, use it to move on. Congrats on the 6 days!

SoberS - Congrats on 23 days!

Amazon - Congrats on 20 days! It can be 30 soon enough.

ca3726 - A lot of people have seen success with AA. I'd say consider it. However, IMHO, for a lot of people, the important thing is to get a support group of some sort. Either way, at least your considering your options. Good luck.
Ghostly is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 10:14 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Crazy Cat Lady
 
DisplacedGRITS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
don't get too hung up on the whys. it can drive you mad. but make sure that you do start identifying your triggers now. this is so incredibly important. while you're answering those why questions, really look for what can trigger your drinking now so you can be on guard for a relapse. then come up with a plan of action for what you will do when you encounter those triggers. always have a plan. we can avoid many triggers but some are unavoidable in life so we have to prepare ourselves as best we can. good luck to you. you sound very determined. keep that fire burning bright, my friend!
DisplacedGRITS is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 10:45 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 55
Grits, I disagree. I think it's VERY important to figure out why. Examining the path that led me here made me realize that some of my life circumstances needed change. I can't just stop drinking and return to the same old life, because it was in response to that life that O drank.

ca, if you're not comfortable in AA, you might want to look into an alternative program called SMART Recovery (lots of info available on this site) or an individual therapist, which is what I do. Good luck!
Amazon is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 10:58 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Amazon View Post
Grits, I disagree. I think it's VERY important to figure out why. Examining the path that led me here made me realize that some of my life circumstances needed change. I can't just stop drinking and return to the same old life, because it was in response to that life that O drank.
Good luck!
I drank because I was sad, I drank because I was happy, I drank because the sun was up. In reality I drank because I am alcoholic.

Rebuilding a happy, healthy, fulfilling life is another issue for me but nothing positive can happen unless I am sober
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:23 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
That bell or bike person
 
mecanix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
The longer i've stayed sober the more calm and collected i've become ..
6 days is good , 6 weeks will be great , 6 months and you will notice a huge difference if you're anything like me ..

Bestwishes, M
mecanix is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:25 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by NoFireWater View Post
I think it's because you aren't making those reckless decisions, your addiction is. We all do things while drinking or on drugs that we wouldn't even consider doing if we were straight. I feel we're literally out of our mind during this thought process, which is what makes it so scary. It completely takes over.
I get uneasy thinking about the things I said and did whilst drunk!

I have checked messages I have sent to people (such as an ex) - I told him I still loved him and wanted him back?!? Erm... when i woke up I thought... OMG no you don't, why would you do that!

I lose the plot... definitely Jekyll and Hyde!

Ca - you could be me writing that first post! Scary isnt it!?
Sugarfix is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:28 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,355
Hi Ca. I wondered the same thing too many times in my long drinking career. To keep insisting we can control the amounts we drink, plus our behavior, is insane. Yet I did it for all my adult life, always hoping to have things turn out differently. You know, just keep the fun part and somehow the horrible part would fade away? Obviously that didn't happen.

Glad you are part of SR and seeking answers and solutions!
Hevyn is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 12:11 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
The longer i've stayed sober the more calm and collected i've become ..
6 days is good , 6 weeks will be great , 6 months and you will notice a huge difference if you're anything like me ..

Bestwishes, M
The incredible thing is that it just keeps getting better no matter how long you are sober
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 02:01 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,937
Grits, I disagree. I think it's VERY important to figure out why. Examining the path that led me here made me realize that some of my life circumstances needed change. I can't just stop drinking and return to the same old life, because it was in response to that life that O drank.
I'm not Grits but as I made the same point, I'll respond with my thoughts

I didn't need to know 'why', to know I needed to make some sweeping life changes

I spent a lot of years chasing the why, and I fell into the trap of thinking that was recovery.

In the end I found out I didn't need to know why I started drinking to get sober and stay that way.

I had to deal with a lot of baggage sure - it makes no sense to build a new life on the same shaky foundations...

but I think, in my experience, work is best done after we're sober and better able to deal with it...not before

D
Dee74 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:01 AM.