LochnesSwanster

Hi guys I'm 22 from NJ just a little background parents are divorced, I've always been a social butterfly with a lot of anxiety. Battle with bouts of depression. Been on Suboxone little over a yr now and trying to get off. Here's my story. It's a little long but would be much appreciated if read. Any suggestions advice more than welcome. Thanks

I think I know the inner answers to all of life's problems. But I can't answer my own questions when it deals with my own life. Somewhere, I have lost myself. Forgot who I used to be. People remind me, but I can't relate to those old times. I frighten easily when thinking about my future. Because if you ask me, I will tell you I'm unsure what I want from my life. I have felt sorry for myself for so long, the sorries are no longer sincere. I'm currently 22 years old with no job, not enrolled in school, no girl, and no money. My decisions I have made have obviously affected my life in a negative way. My mother, which I love to death, has been an addict for many years. When I was little I used to get half a Xanax on Friday nights. Also at a young age (around 14-15) my mom would buy me a pint of vodka and I'd drink it down within minutes. I found out at an early age how drugs affected you. My mother has had a long road, and now is doing better after inpatients last year. Before that, she would either drink and pass out or OD on her Fiorecet. Now, she has a better sense of self but still struggles. She is currently on Suboxone and smokes weed. I have always been a strong, smart person, but addiction is no joke! Wen I was 16 I entered a relationship (my first) where I thought I was happy. I let it drag on much too long and she became an addict through the years herself. For her, it started with Oxys and moved to heroin fast. I was never the type to let her influence me with drugs. At 18 I had tested out Perc 10's which I liked, but never became "addicted" to them. Then my mom was prescribed suboxone couple years back and I tried it. It got me high and made me nod out. Have to admit at the time I enjoyed it. Back then it never crossed my mind you can become addicted to this stuff. Anyway, June last yr around my birthday my mom went into a hospital and was there for little over a month. In this time period I had reconnected with my ex girlfriend (one I was with for 4 yrs) and ended up doing heroin by my own decision. Guess it was just a way to reconnect with her at the time. We ended up having some fun. After she left, we never talked again. But I continued to do the heroin for another month. After my supply ran out, I went to my dads for help. Cried to him and he tried to understand the best he could. He gave me a hug and told me "it will all be okay" which really meant a lot to me. Make a long story short, i haven't touched heroin since last yr and will not ever again. But when my mom came out and was feeling better she was prescribed Suboxone again by the doctor. At the time it didn't seem like a bad idea. She would give me my own films and share them with me. At first, I guess in some weird way I felt like this was my own little "opioid program". I do know this isn't a healthy relationship by any means and am ashamed it has gotten this far. It was getting me somewhat high and euphoric at first, but now it is worse then normal. I want my old exuberant personality and life back. I feel as though I'm caught with no escape. Need to stop for my own well being. I have quit few days at a time before and know how it feels.. sorry for venting so long never get out any of my innermost emotions and feels as some release to me. For anyone who fully read this, thank you. To anyone that can provide some advice or insight on a better approach to getting off Suboxone, it would be much appreciated. Thanks for listening to my speel..

ThreadsOfLife

I did read all of your post. I too am in same boat of wanting "me" back. The me that my husband misses, and I forgot who she is or maybe never really knew... I can relate to getting drugs from your mom. I have gotten them from both parents, and my father even charged me. I'm much older but still fear my future like you said. I've been on subs for around 6 months without a script and im stuck in the same hell on earth as you... hopefully we will gain some support and insight here. I know I need confidence, need to prove to myself I can do this .. small steps are still steps towards the goal! Ever need someone to talk to that understands feel free to message me anytime... Good luck to you too!

jazz66

Good luck lock ness hope find what your looking for
It's to complicated a situation for me to begin to offer eny advise