To call or not
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 194
To call or not
Thats is the question. My AB recently lost license and had to do alcohol classes to get his license back after DUI. Had been dry for about 50 days. Got his license back on thursday and went straight to the liquor store. 4 th relapse.
Yesterday we had plans to go to his daughters basketball game, picnic and bike ride in the park, then whatever. Well, he was passed out, so we all went without him. We came back to his house, he was awake, withdrawing and crying. I left. I couldnt listen to that again.
Today he calls. I didn't answer. I was out riding my bike, getting sunshine and fresh air, and didn't want it ruined. He left message saying he was sorry about breaking plans he had made, and that I could call him if I wanted and he loved me.
I don't want to call him.
1. I don't want to send him a message that it's ok and jump as soon as he decides to enter the world again and call.
2. I don't want apologies. Nothing ever backs them up.
3. I just feel done.
On the flip...
Codie in me wants to call and tell him I love him. I do love him. I really do, but I do not want to put myself in a situation where I will cave. No telling where the conversation will go. He may even wanted more than that but all he said on my voicemail was the above. I don't want to talk about what he's hoping to do to fix this, how sorry he is, why him, etc.
Honestly, he knows I love him damnit, and I'd not feel the need to have to call and tell him. So, my choice is to not call. He knows I love him but I need to detach. If he's sorry, well ok, but he can go live his life how he wants. I won't make further plans with him.
So, now, here's where I need help. Tell me to stay strong, it's his choice, he made the decision, once again, to stand us up. Or, tell me I'm full of crap. Need support.
Yesterday we had plans to go to his daughters basketball game, picnic and bike ride in the park, then whatever. Well, he was passed out, so we all went without him. We came back to his house, he was awake, withdrawing and crying. I left. I couldnt listen to that again.
Today he calls. I didn't answer. I was out riding my bike, getting sunshine and fresh air, and didn't want it ruined. He left message saying he was sorry about breaking plans he had made, and that I could call him if I wanted and he loved me.
I don't want to call him.
1. I don't want to send him a message that it's ok and jump as soon as he decides to enter the world again and call.
2. I don't want apologies. Nothing ever backs them up.
3. I just feel done.
On the flip...
Codie in me wants to call and tell him I love him. I do love him. I really do, but I do not want to put myself in a situation where I will cave. No telling where the conversation will go. He may even wanted more than that but all he said on my voicemail was the above. I don't want to talk about what he's hoping to do to fix this, how sorry he is, why him, etc.
Honestly, he knows I love him damnit, and I'd not feel the need to have to call and tell him. So, my choice is to not call. He knows I love him but I need to detach. If he's sorry, well ok, but he can go live his life how he wants. I won't make further plans with him.
So, now, here's where I need help. Tell me to stay strong, it's his choice, he made the decision, once again, to stand us up. Or, tell me I'm full of crap. Need support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 378
Be careful with your tender heart, we are more fragile than we think.
When he's been in addiction treatment for at least one year - you could think about it. A full year even 2 of sobriety would be my boundary. And is mine. I left my husband until he was sober and in treatment for a year.
Until then . . . ? That's your choice. But you can see this writing on the wall - please, don't ignore it. This is your life and you deserve happiness.
When he's been in addiction treatment for at least one year - you could think about it. A full year even 2 of sobriety would be my boundary. And is mine. I left my husband until he was sober and in treatment for a year.
Until then . . . ? That's your choice. But you can see this writing on the wall - please, don't ignore it. This is your life and you deserve happiness.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Alcoholism is a disease of the Self: selfishness, self-centeredness, and very often self-pity.
His remorse may seem genuine but it may also be his disease paving the way for further enabling behavior by his family.
His remorse may seem genuine but it may also be his disease paving the way for further enabling behavior by his family.
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
You have the option of leaving him a message that YOU'RE not ready to talk to him serenely just yet, and that you will call him when you are ready. Your sis'.
Detachment with love and dignity.
Detachment with love and dignity.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 378
This is not the addiction that I've experienced and witnessed in my spouse > Alcoholism is a disease of the Self: selfishness, self-centeredness, and very often self-pity.
Self-destruction, self-hatred, self-harm, yes. It is a monster.
Self-destruction, self-hatred, self-harm, yes. It is a monster.
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