new to this site
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 13
new to this site
[COLOR="RoyalBlue"]Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this site (and am not even sure if this is the thread/forum I'm supposed to be posting on!). My husband of almost 8 years is an alcoholic with on/off again sobriety. His drinking has really progressed and gotten worse over the past 3-4 years. He went from being a fairly social drinker (who always stood out at the bar/party b/c he never knew when to say when and out-drank everyone else there) to a functioning alcoholic who hides vodka and drinks by himself during the day. It's scary how much things have changed and gotten so out of control. The saddest part is that we have 2 little boys (5 & 1 & 1/2) who are suffering b/c of this too. He is currently out of the house and living with a friend-- I gave him a minimum 6 months to be out and get the help he needs (he refused detox) before I even think of having him back in. He also needs all his visits with the kids to be supervised. Life SUCKS right now and I go from either being detached to really sad to REALLY angry. Because I'm with the kids 24/7 now, I can't find time to go to Al-Anon (which I never really loved in the past) but feel like I need support somewhere! I do have a great therapist so that's a bonus. Ugh. Hopefully I found the right place!
I'm new to this site (and am not even sure if this is the thread/forum I'm supposed to be posting on!). My husband of almost 8 years is an alcoholic with on/off again sobriety. His drinking has really progressed and gotten worse over the past 3-4 years. He went from being a fairly social drinker (who always stood out at the bar/party b/c he never knew when to say when and out-drank everyone else there) to a functioning alcoholic who hides vodka and drinks by himself during the day. It's scary how much things have changed and gotten so out of control. The saddest part is that we have 2 little boys (5 & 1 & 1/2) who are suffering b/c of this too. He is currently out of the house and living with a friend-- I gave him a minimum 6 months to be out and get the help he needs (he refused detox) before I even think of having him back in. He also needs all his visits with the kids to be supervised. Life SUCKS right now and I go from either being detached to really sad to REALLY angry. Because I'm with the kids 24/7 now, I can't find time to go to Al-Anon (which I never really loved in the past) but feel like I need support somewhere! I do have a great therapist so that's a bonus. Ugh. Hopefully I found the right place!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Welcome. More people will come by with wisdom and hope for you tonight, and I will say that this place has been a godsend for me. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but it sounds like you're on the right track.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Welcome, from one Meg to another. Yes, you are in the right place. I have a hard time making the ONE Al-Anon meeting on our island due to my work schedule, so this place is my "home away from home." I can't imagine what you're going through right now, as the A in my life is my mother, not my spouse. But i do know how difficult it can be to stick to your boundaries. I will just say that, as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA), it makes my heart happy to know that you recognize that this does affect your kids, and are protecting them. If only we had all been so fortunate. Again, welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Check with some Alanon classes. Some let you bring kids
Keep on posting on this site. Day and night if you have too!
Glad to hear you're holding your boundaries with him & keeping
him out of the house. Nice for you and the kid's.....
Alcoholism spiral's......DOWN HILL - Think, your seeing that now!
Hang in there dear, buckle up and prepare yourself.......
Keep on posting on this site. Day and night if you have too!
Glad to hear you're holding your boundaries with him & keeping
him out of the house. Nice for you and the kid's.....
Alcoholism spiral's......DOWN HILL - Think, your seeing that now!
Hang in there dear, buckle up and prepare yourself.......
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 95
You are doing the right thing! As others have said make your self at home here. There is always a lot of good advice given here.
I too have had a hard time making it to alanon meeting, because of my job. But this place has helped me more than I thought possible. There are a lot of good people who can relate. On that note, my STBXAW (Soon To Be Ex Alcoholic Wife) also hid the vodka and drank it alone. That seems to be a common thread. It is as if they teach that in alcoholics 101.
I too have had a hard time making it to alanon meeting, because of my job. But this place has helped me more than I thought possible. There are a lot of good people who can relate. On that note, my STBXAW (Soon To Be Ex Alcoholic Wife) also hid the vodka and drank it alone. That seems to be a common thread. It is as if they teach that in alcoholics 101.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Welcome!
You're at the right place. I live in the country where there is no Alanon, and over the years this place has given me all the support I needed. I know in my heart that if I didn't find SR, I wouldn't be able to find a path to my own recovery and to sort out my life.
I've been through the hell and back, and I AM BACK thanks to the lovely, wise, insipireing people I met on these boards.
SO make yourself at home.
BTW you don't sound like a newcomer. You have "presented your case"
in a straight forward way, you're don't sound overclouded by emotions, lost or confused (which is IMHO qute typical for newcomers). So I'd say you're already on the right track. Keep it up!
You're at the right place. I live in the country where there is no Alanon, and over the years this place has given me all the support I needed. I know in my heart that if I didn't find SR, I wouldn't be able to find a path to my own recovery and to sort out my life.
I've been through the hell and back, and I AM BACK thanks to the lovely, wise, insipireing people I met on these boards.
SO make yourself at home.
BTW you don't sound like a newcomer. You have "presented your case"
in a straight forward way, you're don't sound overclouded by emotions, lost or confused (which is IMHO qute typical for newcomers). So I'd say you're already on the right track. Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Welcome!
The best place to start is reading the stickies at the top... they are the best of the best and lots of good info.
Track down the alanon meetings in your area and try to make at least 6 meetings ... many people, myself including considered this a very, very important step in my recovery. Face to face support is a huge help.
Post as much as you like ... there are many, many wise and experienced survivors and thrivers on this website that are here to support your journey to recovery.
The best place to start is reading the stickies at the top... they are the best of the best and lots of good info.
Track down the alanon meetings in your area and try to make at least 6 meetings ... many people, myself including considered this a very, very important step in my recovery. Face to face support is a huge help.
Post as much as you like ... there are many, many wise and experienced survivors and thrivers on this website that are here to support your journey to recovery.
come back often we're here for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Hugs, and welcome. Like you I found SR after I'd asked my alcoholic husband to leave. We were married for 16 years and have four children. Alcohol was never an issue until about 8 years into our marriage, when I noticed him drinking more daily. Over time, that slowly increased until things got pretty bad over the last 2-3 years of our time together. It's definitely a progressive thing. My AH was the high functioning type with a very successful career and such. Never a DUI, rarely drank to excess in public, never yelled at me. To the outside world, we were the perfect couple and family. He was a private drinker who did his drinking at home, alone. (Today, I've been ostracized by many of our friends who never witnessed him abusing alcohol and who see me as the "bad guy" who has maligned my AH and used alcoholism as an "excuse" to divorce him, THAT'S how secret his drinking was/is.) Eventually I realized that he was also drinking a lot of vodka in secret and had stashes all over, and was drinking at work as well. I thought I was going crazy and that something was wrong with *me.* It also did a lot of damage to our kids. You are so smart to take action before your kids internalize the craziness.
My AH and I have been separated for almost 18 months now, and I am seeing the progression in a big way. It's incredibly sad to see someone we love go down this road. Even two years ago I would not have believed it was possible for my AH to fall down the rabbit hole to this extent, but he is. I'm so glad I've removed myself and our kids from that ringside seat. We all deserve the dignity of living our own lives and owning our destiny without being dragged along by someone else --- either us being dragged by the A or the A being dragged by the non-A. All the hard work I've done has brought me to this place where I've begun to detach, and let him go. Sober Recovery has been such a huge help. I hope it will be for you, too. Take care.
My AH and I have been separated for almost 18 months now, and I am seeing the progression in a big way. It's incredibly sad to see someone we love go down this road. Even two years ago I would not have believed it was possible for my AH to fall down the rabbit hole to this extent, but he is. I'm so glad I've removed myself and our kids from that ringside seat. We all deserve the dignity of living our own lives and owning our destiny without being dragged along by someone else --- either us being dragged by the A or the A being dragged by the non-A. All the hard work I've done has brought me to this place where I've begun to detach, and let him go. Sober Recovery has been such a huge help. I hope it will be for you, too. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome! What a full plate you have right now. Prayers for some serenity.
My Al-Anon group is held at a local church. The church allows the group to use the day care room so folks can bring kids, but its no guarantee there will be someone old enough in that room to watch the little ones. Still, worth some research! There are also some great Al-Anon resources online, so do some searching on Google.
Lots of great information on this forum as well. Keep reading and keep coming back!
~T
My Al-Anon group is held at a local church. The church allows the group to use the day care room so folks can bring kids, but its no guarantee there will be someone old enough in that room to watch the little ones. Still, worth some research! There are also some great Al-Anon resources online, so do some searching on Google.
Lots of great information on this forum as well. Keep reading and keep coming back!
~T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 13
Oh man, I didn't have time to get back online until tonight... and all of your posts brought tears to my eyes! I certainly DON'T feel strong right now.... but these definitely lifted me up a bit. Thanks and I WILL be here posting... so hope you're all ready! haha Also, if anyone has a personal story to tell that sounds familiar to mine and wants to chat.... is there a chat room that is designated for Friends and Family of Alcoholics?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 13
The freakin' vodka! It's the scariest.... he NEVER even touched hard booze (but would drink 20 beers no problem... well actually that's not true either, he has always been an awful drunk).... this has brought our situation to a whole other level. The lying and deceipt is what gets me
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Yes, the lying, deceiving, withholding, covering up, concealing, cheating and scheming.
But even more so, the damage to the kids and the family.
You are most certainly in the right place & I look forward to more of your posts! Give Al-Anon another try, at different groups (look for babysitting code), for at least five more meetings! Good stuff, good literature. You won't regret it. Welcome!
But even more so, the damage to the kids and the family.
You are most certainly in the right place & I look forward to more of your posts! Give Al-Anon another try, at different groups (look for babysitting code), for at least five more meetings! Good stuff, good literature. You won't regret it. Welcome!
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