mick3580

I thought I would share my experience with step 1 hoping that anyone confused about unmanagable could find this helpful. I conceded to my innermost self that I could not moderate my drinking. I knew it wasn't normal, but more importantly, even when I wanted and needed to drink moderately, I couldn't do it. So, clearly, the physical craving was there. However, when I came to aa I heard people talk about unmanagability, I couldn't relate, because they were talking about all the dui's that they got and the jobs that they lost, and all the things in their lives that were destroyed as the result of their drinking. What I found out was that I was powerless over alcohol. I instinctively knew this by the time I got to aa, but I didnt know what it meant. I kept telling the people in aa that I was sober and therefore not powerless over alcohol. What I had to do was look at what within my experience makes me an alcoholic. In the end, the consequences of my drinking were not Part of my step 1 admission. I was going to die before I lost all the people talk about losing. Knowing what happens when I drink fails to prevent me from taking the first drink. If my mind can be hijacked at anytime by the idea that it's ok to drink and at certain times I can't think myself away from a drink, my life is indeed unmanageable. If I can't manage my decision to not take the first drink, fully realizing those things allowed me to see that being powerless over alcohol in and of itself makes my life unmanagable. I cannot in any way see step 1 having two parts. If it did, I suspect that the dash would be "and" but it's not.

One other way I can look at this is to look at what it means to manage something. According to most dictionaries, to manage something means to direct or to control it. I don't know any sober and sane people who claim they are capable of controlling or directing their whole lives. I have been sober for five years and from time to time, someone hits my car with their car. Sometimes I get flat tires. Sometimes the power in my home goes out, and there isn't a darn thing I can do that will guarantee those things don't happen.

Going back to my main point, if I can't direct and manage my thoughts and actions to prevent myself from drinking, I should probably admit step 1, become willing to believe that there might be power in step 2, so that I can see the necessity of taking step 3 which asks me to let god be the director. If my life is manageable by me, I don't need to ask a power greater than me to manage it. I sincerely hope that someone is helped by this.

Lyingdog

Helps me.... Thank you for sharing. I have struggled with step 1 to the point that I started drinking again believing that I could manage it. Two months later my wife is fed up with all the lies wants away from me. I am on day 2 of my sobriety and I am determined to do everything nessasary to finish this day sober. I am going to work the steps and get a sponsor this time. I now admit step one. Thanks again!