Need help dealing with addict husband
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: ny
Posts: 16
Need help dealing with addict husband
Hi all! I am new here. I just found out my husband has been hiding a pain killer addiction for most of our 8 yr marriage. He never was prescribed them, just started getting them "off the street". I had noticed a change in him when I was pregnant with our first born 8 yrs ago. He was turning into someone I didn't know. Fast forward a yr or 2 and I caught him with pills. He even stole some of my father's hydros and some hydros I had from a surgery. Stupidly, I believed him when he said he kicked the habit. Maybe I was in denial or afraid of the confrontation. I have confronted him sveral times of my suspicions but he'd get so hostile....yeah I know classic addict reaction. I even, at one point was getting anonymous emails telling me of his habits and spending. A couple yrs later, found out it was his best friend and the best man in our wedding (who still denies it but his now ex-wife has confirmed it.) My husband axed him as a friend. So fast forward again to this week. I found some pills in his sock drawer. I looked them up online and they were suboxone. I confronted him again and he tried to talk his way out but to no avail. He got caught red-handed. He admitted to yrs of abuse and addiction and says he's happy I know and he just wants to get normal again and get off them. I also learned the extent of money he was spending each month..upwards of over $1,500 or maybe even over $2,000. Makes me sick to my stomach that I have been such a fool and he hid this money from me!! He has also put our family into huge debt. I have been stressing over money for a long time now. We have 2 young boys. We both make a decent salary...his is twice mine. I always wondered where the money was going but I had no clue how much he was making. He is in sales and gets a regular paycheck which I see and then bonus miney that I don't see. I can't even believe what he has been spending on this ****!!! I am so angry and hurt from the yrs of lies and deceit. I don't know what to do. Should I leave him? Should I stick by him and hope he gets help? He says he wants help but will NOT to inpatient detox. Says he can quit cold turkey and do it on his own. He can't even quit nicotine so how can he quit opiates. The amount he has been spending must mean he has a severe problem. I don't know the street value of the pills. I told him I am seeing a lawyer next week if he doesn't get help. He accepts responsibiity and is ashamed of himself but he is also giving me a lot of BS talk of doing this and that but I can't trust a word out of his mouth now...so I feel. Would an outpatient rehab help? Should he go inpatient? I think he'd rather see us divorce than go inpatient. How friggen sad is that??!!! I am heartbroken, can't stop crying. have no one to talk to b/x he doesn't want anyone to know. I am at a loss. Any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated!! THANKS for listening/reading.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
Broken
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I've recently filed for divorce from my husband of 15 years b/c of his pill addiction. I can't give you any answers to your questions. Only he can find his way of successfull recovery and only you can find what can save you from the consequences of his addiction. What I can give you is insight that I've learned over the years in my own trauma from this disease. The most important thing is that the only person you can fix is you. Try to consider therapy for yourself. I've lived through hell over the last few years and all I managed to accomplish in the past was driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to fix him along with the pain of all the lies and betrayal. I will tell you that I kept his addiction from everyone including our young boys thinking that I was protecting the kids. I stayed because I didn't want to ruin my kids lives with a divorce. In the end, he crashed and burned and I realized that by staying I endangered our lives and safety. The most important thing you can do is keep yourself healthy and keep your kids safe. You're going to need support. The only thing that saved me was going to therapy and helping myself. BTW - my husband was a high functioning addict who is absolutely adored by his kids and managed to keep a full time job. Ultimately, the cops showed up at my door questioning if my kids were in a safe environment, searching my home and federal agents contacted me to interview me to see if I had anything to do with his actions. I've never taking a pain killer in my life except for over the counter. I had to make a choice - keep holding on or let go and save myself and my boys. I pray that you find the strength you need for you and your children. I know exactly how you feel and it is devastating. The first book I read was codependency no more. Another thing that helps me is soberrecovery. The folks on this site are amazing.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I've recently filed for divorce from my husband of 15 years b/c of his pill addiction. I can't give you any answers to your questions. Only he can find his way of successfull recovery and only you can find what can save you from the consequences of his addiction. What I can give you is insight that I've learned over the years in my own trauma from this disease. The most important thing is that the only person you can fix is you. Try to consider therapy for yourself. I've lived through hell over the last few years and all I managed to accomplish in the past was driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to fix him along with the pain of all the lies and betrayal. I will tell you that I kept his addiction from everyone including our young boys thinking that I was protecting the kids. I stayed because I didn't want to ruin my kids lives with a divorce. In the end, he crashed and burned and I realized that by staying I endangered our lives and safety. The most important thing you can do is keep yourself healthy and keep your kids safe. You're going to need support. The only thing that saved me was going to therapy and helping myself. BTW - my husband was a high functioning addict who is absolutely adored by his kids and managed to keep a full time job. Ultimately, the cops showed up at my door questioning if my kids were in a safe environment, searching my home and federal agents contacted me to interview me to see if I had anything to do with his actions. I've never taking a pain killer in my life except for over the counter. I had to make a choice - keep holding on or let go and save myself and my boys. I pray that you find the strength you need for you and your children. I know exactly how you feel and it is devastating. The first book I read was codependency no more. Another thing that helps me is soberrecovery. The folks on this site are amazing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: ny
Posts: 16
Thanks for your response!!! Am I an idiot to believe it's "just pain killers" with the amount he is spending??? I have no clue. I have taken pain killers prescribed to me after a couple surgeries. I didn't see what the attraction was...of course I only took them as prescribed. I had some hydros hidden in my purse after a surgery I had and the bottle "went missing". He isn't taking these things for pain, just recreationally. Sickens me that he'd steal my meds that I legitimately needed at the time. Another time, I found him popping 2 pills that he was stealing from my father. I smacked them out of his hand and they fell into a sink of water filled with disgusting food/dish soap. He grabbed them out of nasty water and swallowed them. I began screaming at him and my parents came in to see what was going on and I let everyone know. He took MY car and left me and our son there. I HATE him right now but I love him too. 13 yrs together. I am just distraught! 
I really tried to believe that he got over his addiction those yrs ago but what a fool I am! I think I always knew but never the extent or price or debt he was putting upon us. I know it's a disease but when if ever is he gonna hit rock bottom??? Will leaving him and taking the boys be it....IDK....probably would only put him further into his addiction. I told him I'd keep the boys from him or he'd have to have supervised visits. He became irate saying I could never stop him from seeing them. I don't want to do that but I want to keep them safe!!! I think a part of me has stayed and endured it b/c I'm afraid of having to hand them over to him. I know he loves them and they adore and love him so much BUT he doesn't do anything for them other than play with them and give some baths and whatnot. I fear for them if we separated. I do everything!!! I really want to make this work but I know he has to be the one to take the steps. I haven't felt this crappy...ever! I am blowing up at the kids and crying behind closed doors and have a stress headache from hell. I am depressed and don't know which way to turn. I don't want to involve friends or family. I just feel SO alone!!!
I really tried to believe that he got over his addiction those yrs ago but what a fool I am! I think I always knew but never the extent or price or debt he was putting upon us. I know it's a disease but when if ever is he gonna hit rock bottom??? Will leaving him and taking the boys be it....IDK....probably would only put him further into his addiction. I told him I'd keep the boys from him or he'd have to have supervised visits. He became irate saying I could never stop him from seeing them. I don't want to do that but I want to keep them safe!!! I think a part of me has stayed and endured it b/c I'm afraid of having to hand them over to him. I know he loves them and they adore and love him so much BUT he doesn't do anything for them other than play with them and give some baths and whatnot. I fear for them if we separated. I do everything!!! I really want to make this work but I know he has to be the one to take the steps. I haven't felt this crappy...ever! I am blowing up at the kids and crying behind closed doors and have a stress headache from hell. I am depressed and don't know which way to turn. I don't want to involve friends or family. I just feel SO alone!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Broken,
I'm sorry you are in such pain and so distraught.
There is an Al-Anon brochure titled "Alcoholism: A Merry-Go-Round Called Denial" which also applies to drug addiction in the family.
Its core advice: the spouse MUST stop repeating the same story over and over and over again with the addict. The addict will NOT stop the merry go round of addiction, says this pamphlet, UNLESS there is FIRST a major change of behavior in the spouse (or the parent or the boss, depending on the circumstances).
If you continue to believe his lies and just TALK and TALK and CRY and CRY, you will not only be engaging in futile efforts, you will be enhancing his ability to use.
Your husband is a drug addict and that means that beneath what you do know, there is a mountain of secrets you do not know. Addicts lie. They live secret lives.
When you discovered his drug abuse years ago and you re-committed to him after a mutual understanding that he would never use again, the under-story to that should have been "And if I ever catch you using again, YOU ARE OUT." Within 24 hours. OUT.
He is ten steps ahead of you, with the manipulations and the mind-twisting and the blame-shifting that is just getting started. You are objecting to the love of his life, the priority in his existence, and you, now, and in days to come, will be seen as his enemy.
It is a very unsafe place to be, in the crosshairs of an addict who feels cornered.
I vote for your instinct to see a lawyer immediately. I vote for legal separation due to drug abuse by your partner and the father of your children.
The opiates have kept him from growing, as a husband, as a father. They have made him a liar and a thief. And God knows what else has been happening in his secret life.
If he talks you out of taking action to throw him out--which is the natural consequence of his drug abuse and violation of his role as a safe husband and safe father-- then his addiction wins the game. Not one person's greater good is served.
He is comfortable, he is dancing and shifting to stay comfortable, and he will never get clean until he is so UNCOMFORTABLE that he wants to die. Then he may change his life.
And it is all on his shoulders. All of it.
You cannot protect your children from what is to come. But you can get a family counselor to help you support them. Their father is a drug addict and that reality is not ever going away.
You can do the right thing. You can stand up like the protector of your children and your home that you are and tell him he is OUT.
Take legal action. Wake him up. That is what I would do. Addicts do not change until we do.
I'm sorry you are in such pain and so distraught.
There is an Al-Anon brochure titled "Alcoholism: A Merry-Go-Round Called Denial" which also applies to drug addiction in the family.
Its core advice: the spouse MUST stop repeating the same story over and over and over again with the addict. The addict will NOT stop the merry go round of addiction, says this pamphlet, UNLESS there is FIRST a major change of behavior in the spouse (or the parent or the boss, depending on the circumstances).
If you continue to believe his lies and just TALK and TALK and CRY and CRY, you will not only be engaging in futile efforts, you will be enhancing his ability to use.
Your husband is a drug addict and that means that beneath what you do know, there is a mountain of secrets you do not know. Addicts lie. They live secret lives.
When you discovered his drug abuse years ago and you re-committed to him after a mutual understanding that he would never use again, the under-story to that should have been "And if I ever catch you using again, YOU ARE OUT." Within 24 hours. OUT.
He is ten steps ahead of you, with the manipulations and the mind-twisting and the blame-shifting that is just getting started. You are objecting to the love of his life, the priority in his existence, and you, now, and in days to come, will be seen as his enemy.
It is a very unsafe place to be, in the crosshairs of an addict who feels cornered.
I vote for your instinct to see a lawyer immediately. I vote for legal separation due to drug abuse by your partner and the father of your children.
The opiates have kept him from growing, as a husband, as a father. They have made him a liar and a thief. And God knows what else has been happening in his secret life.
If he talks you out of taking action to throw him out--which is the natural consequence of his drug abuse and violation of his role as a safe husband and safe father-- then his addiction wins the game. Not one person's greater good is served.
He is comfortable, he is dancing and shifting to stay comfortable, and he will never get clean until he is so UNCOMFORTABLE that he wants to die. Then he may change his life.
And it is all on his shoulders. All of it.
You cannot protect your children from what is to come. But you can get a family counselor to help you support them. Their father is a drug addict and that reality is not ever going away.
You can do the right thing. You can stand up like the protector of your children and your home that you are and tell him he is OUT.
Take legal action. Wake him up. That is what I would do. Addicts do not change until we do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 19
I am sooooooo sorry your having to deal with this! I can completely relate to you, our stories are almost identical! been married for almost 10 years, 5 1/2 of which my AH has been a functioning pill addict. I found out about it nearly 3yrs ago after reviewing some past bank statements. I nearly passed out on the floor when I discovered he had withdrawn nearly $30,000.00 cash in a short 3 month period!!!!
I have never felt so betrayed.... So HURT... So furiously angry as I felt the day I made the discovery. It felt as tho he ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped around on it then spit in my face just for fun! Words can't describe the anguish I felt on that day... I remember it very clearly, still hurts just thinking about it. I'm so very sorry you had to feel that.
I feel your pain Hun, I'm here for you. Although there's nothing I can say or do to make it better, you took a good step in coming here. In seeking out help from people with experience. Today is only my 2nd day on here... I have been dealing, well trying to deal, with my AH on my own for 3years! Like yours, mine didn't want anyone to know because he was ashamed... I can't do it alone anymore. I'm seeking help from here, some support from my own family as well as alanon as soon as I can get there!
As far as leaving or staying goes, I have chosen to stay and fight it out... For now at least. My AH says he wants to quit and has made several unsuccessful attempts over the last few years, im certain were all just to make me happy! im reaching my breaking point now, the point where I'm finally realizing that he doesn't want to change bad enough yet, the point where I'm realizing I can't love him through this... I never wanted to have to watch him hit "rock bottom" as they say, I thought maybe he was the exception, just like everyone thinks... Unfortunately not!
I will tell you that it sucks if you decide to stay! It DAMAGES you to be in a relationship with no trust! it has done a number on my self esteem, i some how dont feel like im good enough for him to quit for, although i KNOW thats not how it works, i can not convince my heart of that! My world revolves around him and his problem and if your like me when i was new to the idea, I became the worlds greatest detective
I spent days of my life tracking him and our money and catching him in lie after lie which only added to the pain from the initial blow... It really does suck!...but I just couldn't walk away. Not without trying everything I know how to get him better.... Well, here I am, 3years later doing the same exact bull s!?$ I was doing 3years ago! The same exact stuff I told myself I wouldn't continue to put up with... I don't know if staying was the right choice, but it was the best choice for me. I value my marriage, there was no possible way I was walking away without a fight!
This is his last chance, I'm supporting him through this one last effort on his part to quit.... I'm praying with all my heart and soul that he can pull through this time for HIMSELF! So we can continue to be a family! I absolutely love him more than words.... But I deserve better! My kids deserve better! YOU deserve better! Keep your head up my dear Best of luck to you and your choice!
P.S. you mentioned not knowing how much they cost on the streets... I dunno about where you are from, but here in my town they run $1 per milligram... So a perc 30 would cost $30... Don't know if that's a accurate where your from or not. But that's pretty standard here..
I have never felt so betrayed.... So HURT... So furiously angry as I felt the day I made the discovery. It felt as tho he ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped around on it then spit in my face just for fun! Words can't describe the anguish I felt on that day... I remember it very clearly, still hurts just thinking about it. I'm so very sorry you had to feel that.
I feel your pain Hun, I'm here for you. Although there's nothing I can say or do to make it better, you took a good step in coming here. In seeking out help from people with experience. Today is only my 2nd day on here... I have been dealing, well trying to deal, with my AH on my own for 3years! Like yours, mine didn't want anyone to know because he was ashamed... I can't do it alone anymore. I'm seeking help from here, some support from my own family as well as alanon as soon as I can get there!
As far as leaving or staying goes, I have chosen to stay and fight it out... For now at least. My AH says he wants to quit and has made several unsuccessful attempts over the last few years, im certain were all just to make me happy! im reaching my breaking point now, the point where I'm finally realizing that he doesn't want to change bad enough yet, the point where I'm realizing I can't love him through this... I never wanted to have to watch him hit "rock bottom" as they say, I thought maybe he was the exception, just like everyone thinks... Unfortunately not!
I will tell you that it sucks if you decide to stay! It DAMAGES you to be in a relationship with no trust! it has done a number on my self esteem, i some how dont feel like im good enough for him to quit for, although i KNOW thats not how it works, i can not convince my heart of that! My world revolves around him and his problem and if your like me when i was new to the idea, I became the worlds greatest detective
I spent days of my life tracking him and our money and catching him in lie after lie which only added to the pain from the initial blow... It really does suck!...but I just couldn't walk away. Not without trying everything I know how to get him better.... Well, here I am, 3years later doing the same exact bull s!?$ I was doing 3years ago! The same exact stuff I told myself I wouldn't continue to put up with... I don't know if staying was the right choice, but it was the best choice for me. I value my marriage, there was no possible way I was walking away without a fight! This is his last chance, I'm supporting him through this one last effort on his part to quit.... I'm praying with all my heart and soul that he can pull through this time for HIMSELF! So we can continue to be a family! I absolutely love him more than words.... But I deserve better! My kids deserve better! YOU deserve better! Keep your head up my dear
Best of luck to you and your choice!P.S. you mentioned not knowing how much they cost on the streets... I dunno about where you are from, but here in my town they run $1 per milligram... So a perc 30 would cost $30... Don't know if that's a accurate where your from or not. But that's pretty standard here..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by broken77 
Thanks for your response!!! Am I an idiot to believe it's "just pain killers" with the amount he is spending??? I have no clue!
when my AH was at his worst, he was spending around $250.00 per day on pain killers.... A couple of thousand a month easily could be spent on a pill habit...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: ny
Posts: 16
I wish I was strong enough to go speak to a counselor or Alanon group but I'm not. I'm very private and shielded and have been that way my whole life. I am the type of person that can't even let family or friends see me cry. I do that behind closed doors. Maybe I don't wanna feel judged? I don't wanna feel pity? It's a huge weakness for me. I need to feel in control, even when I'm not. Obviously, I have my own issues. I know I need help getting through this which is why I seeked out this forum. I just feel defeated and angry and bitter. I haven't spoken to anyone in a few days now since learning the ugly truth. I'm embarrassed, feel like an idiot. I don't want anyone telling me "I told you so" or "get out fast"! I guess I should be hearing that but it's too hard when I love him so much. I pray that we can get through this w/o involving our family. I just don't know if we can. This is all kinda new to me at the moment. I feel like I've been kicked in the gut anf my heart hurts so much. When is enough, enough? IDK!!! I made vows to stand by him through sickness and health and right now it's sickness. Do I give up and walk away? Do I give him a chance to change? Do I dare risk more deceit and lies? trust has been broken so severely. I am 35 yrs old! I don't wanna live my life on this roller coaster. I don't want my kids subjected to it. I just want him to get clean and healthy and have the relationship we once had. Maybe it's too far gone??!! 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Broken,
I also suggest at least talking to an attorney at least you will know your options no choice has to be made today.
I can assure you that in Naranon or Alanon no one will judge you or pity you have compassion yes but that is not pity. You don't have to say a single word not one and keep in mind everyone is there for very similar reasons. I always recommend face to face but if you really feel you can't right now they do have online meetings which is better than nothing I personally do not find them very useful I suppose because I go in person.
My husband of 28 years started an opiate addiction 3 years ago it is not pretty and progresses, I also just want him to stop and have things back how they were but reality is until he is ready to stop there is no chance of that.
I can not help him just like you can't help your AH however I can help me ...
We can't love addiction away
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
Stick around and read check out the stickies at the top of this forum they have so much valuable information and keep posting. We will walk with you.
I also suggest at least talking to an attorney at least you will know your options no choice has to be made today.
I can assure you that in Naranon or Alanon no one will judge you or pity you have compassion yes but that is not pity. You don't have to say a single word not one and keep in mind everyone is there for very similar reasons. I always recommend face to face but if you really feel you can't right now they do have online meetings which is better than nothing I personally do not find them very useful I suppose because I go in person.
My husband of 28 years started an opiate addiction 3 years ago it is not pretty and progresses, I also just want him to stop and have things back how they were but reality is until he is ready to stop there is no chance of that.
I can not help him just like you can't help your AH however I can help me ...
We can't love addiction away
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
Stick around and read check out the stickies at the top of this forum they have so much valuable information and keep posting. We will walk with you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Broken,
I completely understand your difficulty in connecting with a counselor or a group such as Al-Anon. I have a good friend who also has that kind of difficulty.
At least you are here, where you can reach out anonymously for support.
I understand also that you do not want anyone telling you to separate from your husband. Even though what I know about addiction in families is that the spouse must start taking action, not just keep trying to persuade or coerce the addict to get into a serious program of recovery. It is commonly known in recovery that addicts listen to what we do, not to what we say.
But a spouse has to have reached her own personal bottom, her own point of agony that is for her a turning point, before she finally takes real action to change her situation for the better.
What doctors of addiction tell us, and people in AA, is that by refusing to enable an addict, we increase the chances that he will get sober. Enabling takes many forms, and I do guarantee that you enable your husband every single day in some way. Doing so helps keep him sick.
At Al-Anon meetings no one is required to share their story, they can just listen to others who have experience living with, and recovering from, the effects of addiction in a loved one. There are free materials which are incredibly helpful. There is, in the good meetings, a feeling of holy spirit in the room. Not all meetings feel like a fit, so it is recommended a person try a different one if the first doesn't feel right, and to go for 6 meetings before deciding if being in the meetings is helping.
If your husband does seek recovery, in some way you will still need to seek your own. Alcoholism is a family disease, it affects the mind and the emotions of every person in the family, and the family needs to get well together. If that doesn't happen, it decreases the chances the addict will stay clean. Addicts do best living with people who are in some kind of recovery, through Al-Anon or counseling. For now, SR can work for you. Then in time, you may feel you need more.
One thing is certain: you will not be able to love this disease away from him. Or wish for him to go back to being a normal man who has no addiction. He is addicted for life. He is the father of your children. And you are going to have to find some help to deal with it. Because you really do not know enough to deal with it right now.
So we hope we can support you as you move through the days ahead. Do not rescue him. And start putting yourself and your children first. That's a good start.
I completely understand your difficulty in connecting with a counselor or a group such as Al-Anon. I have a good friend who also has that kind of difficulty.
At least you are here, where you can reach out anonymously for support.
I understand also that you do not want anyone telling you to separate from your husband. Even though what I know about addiction in families is that the spouse must start taking action, not just keep trying to persuade or coerce the addict to get into a serious program of recovery. It is commonly known in recovery that addicts listen to what we do, not to what we say.
But a spouse has to have reached her own personal bottom, her own point of agony that is for her a turning point, before she finally takes real action to change her situation for the better.
What doctors of addiction tell us, and people in AA, is that by refusing to enable an addict, we increase the chances that he will get sober. Enabling takes many forms, and I do guarantee that you enable your husband every single day in some way. Doing so helps keep him sick.
At Al-Anon meetings no one is required to share their story, they can just listen to others who have experience living with, and recovering from, the effects of addiction in a loved one. There are free materials which are incredibly helpful. There is, in the good meetings, a feeling of holy spirit in the room. Not all meetings feel like a fit, so it is recommended a person try a different one if the first doesn't feel right, and to go for 6 meetings before deciding if being in the meetings is helping.
If your husband does seek recovery, in some way you will still need to seek your own. Alcoholism is a family disease, it affects the mind and the emotions of every person in the family, and the family needs to get well together. If that doesn't happen, it decreases the chances the addict will stay clean. Addicts do best living with people who are in some kind of recovery, through Al-Anon or counseling. For now, SR can work for you. Then in time, you may feel you need more.
One thing is certain: you will not be able to love this disease away from him. Or wish for him to go back to being a normal man who has no addiction. He is addicted for life. He is the father of your children. And you are going to have to find some help to deal with it. Because you really do not know enough to deal with it right now.
So we hope we can support you as you move through the days ahead. Do not rescue him. And start putting yourself and your children first. That's a good start.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Unfortunately, your children are the true victims in this situation. Living in the home with an addict is one of the worst hells a child can experience. Children hear and see everything, although they don't verbalize their fears.
Children of addicts inherit the gene which predisposes them to addiction. They have a 50% chance of becoming addicts themselves or marrying one. As adults they suffer from poor self esteem, impulsiviness, anger issues and more, and living with an addict only magnifies their disorders.
If you do not reach out to others, work a strong recovery program for your codependency your children will suffer even more.
I am the child of an "A", I married two, and topped it off with a relationship with a crack addict, I am damaged goods due to my upbringing, however, recovery has saved me from making the same mistakes again...I will never have anything to do with a person who is addicted to anything. I am finally at peace, I reached out through meetings and other resources including this board and found my way.
Hiding behind a locked door with your head buried in a pillow will not resolve anything, by posting here you have taken the first step, perhaps sharing your issue with a member of your family can be step two and you can build from there.
If you can't do it for yourself, consider doing it for your children, minor children should always be your priorty.
Keep reading, keep posting, it will help. I am sincerely sorry that you find yourself in this position....however....there is a way out.
Children of addicts inherit the gene which predisposes them to addiction. They have a 50% chance of becoming addicts themselves or marrying one. As adults they suffer from poor self esteem, impulsiviness, anger issues and more, and living with an addict only magnifies their disorders.
If you do not reach out to others, work a strong recovery program for your codependency your children will suffer even more.
I am the child of an "A", I married two, and topped it off with a relationship with a crack addict, I am damaged goods due to my upbringing, however, recovery has saved me from making the same mistakes again...I will never have anything to do with a person who is addicted to anything. I am finally at peace, I reached out through meetings and other resources including this board and found my way.
Hiding behind a locked door with your head buried in a pillow will not resolve anything, by posting here you have taken the first step, perhaps sharing your issue with a member of your family can be step two and you can build from there.
If you can't do it for yourself, consider doing it for your children, minor children should always be your priorty.
Keep reading, keep posting, it will help. I am sincerely sorry that you find yourself in this position....however....there is a way out.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2
Broken ~ I am so sorry you're going through this. I will pray for your family. I hope that your husband follows through with his appointment tomorrow.
I work with Focus on the Family, and they offer some information on their site you might want to check out about addiction in marriage (sorry, I cannot include the link). Blessings to you!
I work with Focus on the Family, and they offer some information on their site you might want to check out about addiction in marriage (sorry, I cannot include the link). Blessings to you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I'm sorry you have this in your life. My RABF was also addicted to pain pills. You can't make your husband get clean. I highly recommend Codependent No More. I am also shy. I have found support on this website and through codependency books. I also work with a counselor and psychiatrist to help with my codependency, depression and anxiety. I also read books about adult children of alcoholics/addicts, because I am one. My life is so much better now than when I first came to this website.
Take care.
Take care.
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