Klia

I'm 28. I've been an alcoholic for 7 years. I feel like I live to drink. I don't know how to sooth myself. I can't just sit and be. I must drink. I don't go out much. I just sit around at home, alone, and drink. I'll stay up til 2 or 3 in the morning getting smash by myself and then have to get up for work at 6 still half buttered. Work is unbearable, I'm dizzy, anxious, depressed and I just need that hair of the dog to take the edge off, but I continue on to 5 o'clock to drink more. I've pushed everyone away; choosing alcohol over them. Even men that I absolutely loved and adored. The last had planned to marry me someday. He said he wanted to be with me forever and I felt the same. He left over the weekend, so I stayed drunk the whole time because I don't want to feel that pain and I know it was me that pushed him away. I've wanted to quit drinking for years, but I'm not sure I have the strength to deal with feelings. I'm in therapy, I take medications for my anxiety, bipolar, and ADD, but I continue to drink because that was my coping mechanism before when I refused to take medication for my mental illness. I fib to the doctor about how much I really drink. I told her only socially, but really I drink every night. 8-10 beers. I slowed down a bunch when I met my last love. Could go weeks without drinking, but when our relationship started to fall apart this past April I began to drink several times a week and now, 4 months, later, I'm back to every night. And I'm always alone when I drink. I wake up in the morning for work and don't remember the movie I watched, or text conversations I had with a friend. It's time to end this shiz, but I just don't know if I can.

soberjim

Klia...Welcome...Lots of folks will reply to your post.. SR is like that.

Good place to start is to meet with the Doctor and let her know where you are really at.

Keep posting.

Jim

Klia

Thanks soberjim. I would also like to add that I've been an inpatient in a behavioral health facility several times and that I've gone to a couple AA meetings, but I don't like AA it's too much like church and I'm very against organized religion and that's what it seems like to me. AA is just not for me.

canguy

...ahh Klia, I know what its like for you, I've been living much the same way. I also share your feelings about AA, at least for the moment. I hope maybe you find some peace for tonight at least....g'nite

soberjim

Klia...medication and alcohol don't mix. Another reason to get to your doctor..
You tried AA..Some folks try it, don't like it at first and go back later to find it works. Besides AA there are other avenues to explore. Therapy for example.

I do believe that the first step for you at this point is to go to your doctor and be entirely honest with her.

Jim

MrsKing

As everyone has already said, you should probably go to the doctor and be honest with him/her about what you're drinking and the impact it is having on your life. Withdrawal can be dangerous and it isn't worth risking your health for, when you can be medically supervised. I know that's a scary thought, but it's not half as scary as being drunk forever, really, is it?

You don't have to go to AA to be sober. I have never gone to a meeting and I've just recently passed the five month mark I use AVRT and SR. If you want to see what AVRT is all about, please have a look on the main page of this forum and check out the 'secular connections' board. You'll find a thread about AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) - there are some fantastic people over there who can really help. In a nutshell, it's about recognising what is a rational thought and what is the voice of your addiction. Through recognising it and not acting upon it you are able to regain control of your life. I found it quite revolutionary.

Welcome to SR. I hope you find all that I have here - much encouragement and support post as much as you like - it really does help!

Wishing you all the best x

Nuway2fly

Glad you're here, Klia. There's so much to read and learn here. SR is a very supportive place, and I hope you come here a lot. It's really helping me in my quest to stay sober. I'm betting it will help you, too.

jessd

welcome

mecanix

Hey Kila,
Glad you've found SR i think it's quite a nice place , sobriety is achievable i've just done a year and my habbit has been for the last 15 years drinking as much as 3 bottles of wine a night .. I've begged borrowed and stolen unashamedly from every program and book i've read about being an alcoholic and even some philosophy.

Do something, keep trying and learning different things untill you find what works for you, then keep on working at it , you may fall once or twice but every day sober is a win and the more sober time you clock up the better you get at handleing things sober,

Bestwishes, M

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community...

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Klia

You're not the first person to lie to their doc about their alcohol intake It would be in your best interests to be honest now though to get the help you need. It would certainly be worth checking out AVRT and SMART too. Personally I couldn't have got sober without SR so I'm glad you're here x

Dee74

Hi Klia

I know you can do it - because I did it, and so have hundreds of others here

I agree with others here it's a good idea to get honest with your Dr. at best your meds may not be working - at worst they could possibly be a dangerous combo with alcohol.

It's best to be honest, and give your Dr the whole story - it's in your best interests, and it just might be a first step in getting some help and support.

If you feel AA is not for you, there are other recovery methods around.

Here's some links to some of the main players (including but not limited to AA):

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

good to have you join us - you'll find a lot of support encouragement and understanding here

D