itsmylifenow

It's been about a week since I ended it with xabf. Stupid things are starting to trigger me. I see this amazing picture of this guy on one of my friends FB page and the minute I see his junk (he's wearing a little Speedo) I start to cry!! All I could think of was xabf having sex with his ex and then being with me and whatever and I got all messed up.

I'm starting to feel the effects of his lies and his cheating. The walls are starting to come down and the vulnerability scares me. Luckily, he's not in front of me because my mind is saying go to hell, but I might not be so strong if he was here.

I know I'm going to go through some more stuff, that it's not going to end any time soon. I just don't want to cry over him or them. I'm tired of my thoughts being about him at all. I'm trying to take care of myself and be kind and all that, but I'm not sure I'm doing a good job. I know that when I feel this way I have a tendency to eat really bad - I want nothing more than to fill myself with french fries and hamburgers and Oreos! Seems like the bigger the void the more I want to keep eating to try and fill it.

I know part of my frustration is also coming from the fact I don't have any alone time until next week when the kids go back to school. I'm lucky right now they are at friends houses and I have a few minutes to cry and let some of this out, but I feel like I need a major cleansing cry.

Be kind to myself.....self comfort....gotta figure out how to do that. I let him become the comforting hug that I needed. And, that can't work for me anymore. I don't know where else to find it. I only know how to get comfort from others because for that one moment it feels like the weight on your shoulders has been lifted because someone else is there.

Just struggling for the moment. Needed to share and try to feel better.

LaTeeDa

One of the things my therapist taught me is that it's okay to feel uncomfortable. In fact, it's part of life. I spent so many years trying to avoid discomfort. And many of the things I did to avoid it caused me way more pain the the pain I was trying to avoid. There's a paradox for you.

Emotions aren't facts. They are just emotions. A visualization that helped me was to imagine them as waves. Picture yourself standing in the surf and a big wave comes and washes over you. It can feel scary and you want to DO SOMETHING to make it stop. But, if you just keep your feet planted and do nothing, it will pass. You can allow your emotions to wash over you like waves, they will pass and life will go on.

L

candi7

I read some of your earlier posts, and I get it.. I was just like you when my xh cheated-except I wanted all the gory details.. those details haunted me.. See obviously me and you made a mental movie film in our head-and there it sits till we deal with it..I really wish I didn't know after I found out. I became soo bitter and so angry.. He wanted to reconcile BUT it killed the marriage and there I was for 17 years more in a DEAD marriage before I decided to leave. Bless your heart, at least you were smart enough to move on-I wish I could have done that earlier.. He's a jack@ss and doesn't deserve you! It took time but I got over it.. maybe you need to do some positive visualizations-concerning your future.. like seeing yourself happy-smiling, your children growing and having fun.. and just a consideration when you are healed and well-seeing yourself happy with a healthy man! Sweetheart-get it out of your freakin mind-he's not the only man on the planet-there is so much better out there.. a better reason to work on yourself-get your head on straight and go after what the heck you want and deserve!!!

Learn2Live

Chump Lady

itsmylifenow

Wow, thanks for this post! Sometimes a post needs kid gloves and sometimes you just need a kick in the a**! It's so easy to give in to the emotions of it all and let it overtake you. You are absolutely right. I read this and was out shopping today and started looking at guys thinking I would like to date a nice one. Nothing serious, but I'd love to test the waters and find nice guys to just do things with.

I don't know if it was this forum or not but I remember someone writing how that's how they dated. They had one guy that liked museums, so he became her art buddy. Another liked movies so she went out with him there, and so forth.

The sweetest revenge is to live a good, happy life. And, to have your ex see you with a really HOT guy!

*Emotions aren't facts. They are just emotions. A visualization that helped me was to imagine them as waves. Picture yourself standing in the surf and a big wave comes and washes over you. It can feel scary and you want to DO SOMETHING to make it stop. But, if you just keep your feet planted and do nothing, it will pass. You can allow your emotions to wash over you like waves, they will pass and life will go on.*

Thanks Lateeda. I like this. It reminded me of getting contractions during birth! They rush in, you brace yourself and breathe and wait for them to subside. Eventually, they do go away. And, when all is said and done you have something beautiful from it.