jayjay30

so i mum of school kids, i have to see these girls daily as our kids are in the same class!!

was hanging around with school mums bonging and drinking. i chose to get sober a month ago and still going

however these girls are full on!!! they have done the rejection thing,
so i just backed off.

then they did the guilt thing( which i really struggle with emotinally as i hate hurting people, and i am still trying to deal with this stage.

and the threatning stage. . "we will just cut you off" ,

and now its the we will turn everyone against you and trash your name and they are making up lies i dont fight back so they can really say anything they like

i got a nasty txt from the worst of them the other night

its hard because these girls have been my best mates for the past year, and i know they are not true mates but dealing with the emotions of it all is killing me !!

i hate that i have to see them it actually is giving me anxiety!! body heart pumps anxiety

i have no family here for support to help or friends to take the kids. i am actually as silly as it might sound am living in a bit of fear from these 40 year old women!!

HAS ANYONE EVER BEEN IN A SIMILAR SITUATION AND CAN ANYONE HELP!! PLEASE!!


how long will they keep going at me and what will usually come after the last step of making me feel guilty?

thanks guys

Anna

Hi,

I'm sorry you're going through this. Congratulations on your decision to stay sober.

My suggestion would be to stay as far away from these women as possible. They are not friends. If you see them when you pick up your children from school, can you arrange to meet your children at a different entrance or location? If you feel threatened, keep a copy of texts or emails that they send you in case you need to deal with the police.

silly

It's clear they're being this difficult because it's their defense technique. If they accept that you're sober then they have to look at themselves. It's easier to lash out at you, unfortunately. I'd suggest you spend you energy finding some new moms to hang out with. Or other women in town. Expecting these "friends" to change isn't realistic. :-(

Taking5

Silly nailed it.

When I quit drinking, my "friends" that kept trying to buy me drinks, or get me to go hit the pubs, these were the ones with drinking problems themselves. I learned who my real friends were after this.

Hope4Life

I had the exact same experience when I walked away from the bar scene about 4 1/2 years ago. The only people who called me, just wanted to stir up *@#$ and try to get a reaction from me. It made it very clear that these people were not my friends..... they were just fishing for gossip fodder.

Unfortunately in this country, Alcoholism seems to be the norm and Sobriety is a threat to the norm. This really makes sobriety a challenge for some of us. I avoid being in situations with people that are drinking and that has limited my interaction even with folks that are very good friends.

I believe it was Dee who suggested searching Google for "Sober Meetups" as a way of meeting like minded people.

Protect yourself by keeping any messages that are threatening in any way.

Best Wishes and CONGRATULATIONS on 1 month Sober!!

soberlady2012

I say avoid these people if possible. Some people will help your progress, some will hinder - get away from the latter.

bjames

Wow these moms are acting like they're school-age themselves! Sorry you're dealing with that. Stay strong and just try to avoid them. Good luck!

Dee74

Absolutely don't have anything to do with these people.

From what you've said, they're not the kind of characters you want as mates, or as people who watch your children.

You can and will, make new friends

D

jayjay30

i wish i had clicked to it earlier i should have ran as soon as they picked up the bong and said that they used to be the bullies at school :/

honestly i sometimes i just say to myself what were you thinking and how did you not see that!!
i am a hugely trusting person and i love people nd always like to believe there is good in everyone and that cancels the bad, i love myself for this but it really does not serve me much good, that and they are 40 now i thought that would help with growing up a little apparently not!

thanks for the comment!!!

jayjay30

thank goodness someone else has had this experience it feels very lonely now not so much thanks

so true australia is the same its more normal to be an alcoholic drug addict than sober, i keep telling my self i was alwys the black sheep shouldnt be any different now really

MemphisBlues

Your new found sobriety threatens them, so they lash out, try to cajole you back into the fold to reinforce their using. It's basically fairly rational, from an addict's perspective.