Deuce85

I think what is holding me back in my recovery is the fear of not being like the rest of the people i know and not drinking. I am mad and envious that I cannot drink again because of my opiate addiction. I am having trouble accepting the disease. I have trouble accepting the fact that i am different. I am 26 and i wonder what am i going to do socially now that I am in recovery. Thanks for letting me vent.

Dee74

I had to change the people I associated with...that was the way I got around it.

I totally forgotten that there were people who didn't drink themselves into the ground, or who needed to be high to go out.

You have to put yourself out there tho - volunteering was a good way to do that for me - I met a lot of new people and got used to being around people again.

Exploring hobbies - old ones and new ones - was good too - I made a few good friendships that way

D

Anna

Yes, it does take some big changes.

Dee's advice is very good. Hopefully you can find some new social activities that you'll enjoy.

TorontoGuy28

After 1.5 years sober, I socialize a lot and have a much better time.... Stick to soda or diet pop, I gained a new sense of freedom after sobering up !

least

I always drank at home alone. Since I'm retired I'm usually at home alone so I had to learn to squash the 'reflex' to drink to fill my time. Now I do anything I want to do and do it better sober. It takes time to adjust to a sober life but it's so worth the effort and time.

SSIL75

I have come to believe that what you're expressing is a thinking error. A symptom of your alcoholism and not a cause. I felt the exact same way but have found that in real, sober life...alcohol is just not a big deal. Yes it's a BFD to you...the alcoholic and it was to me too. But honestly nobody cares that I'm sober. It's almost insulting

In fact just this week someone fb'd me about a boozey girls night she thought I'd want in on. This is someone I literally see twice daily during the school year. I have been sober for TWO YEARS. She didn't even notice :rotfxko.

sugarbear1

Young People in AA meet and have sober fun together....

Vent some more! You aren't alone in this kind of thinking, but it will change. Just don't do what I did and refuse to stay stopped for 26 more years and mess your whole life up. I did that and I don't suggest it.

Life is so much better NOT drinking! You can be present in life now!

Mark75

Be good at something, or several things.

Music, fishing, skiing, cycling, camping, reading, writing, talking, stargazing, helping people.... whatever...be good, really good... these can be lifetime pursuits with great attention to detail... detail that takes a sober healthy mind.

Or be a drunk.

Your choice.

DisplacedGRITS

I'm coming up on 6 months sober and i'm seeing it as a lifestyle change. Kind of like a vegan. I don't suppose vegans are envious of people who eat meat so i try not to envy people who drink. I could drink if i wanted to. I just know where it would eventually lead so i choose not to. Vegans make their lifestyle choice for whatever reason and they stick to it so i'm sticking to mine.

Deuce85

Thanks guys. Some great responses. Its crazy how my addict keeps me hanging on to this drinking normally concept. I never really liked alcohol and would go places sober alot before i started abusing my drug of choice. In high school i was confident and actually proud not to drink. I think i am going to try the steps. They could be good for me. I have alot of forgiving myself to do.

DayTrader

There's a big difference between "not drinking" and being "recovered." The analogy that seems to work is this: Say you're 200lbs overweight and you stop eating all the food that was putting you in that condition. That's great.......you're not getting worse......but you're not in good health yet.

Back to the subject at hand - not drinking is a great start to recovery but it's not the beginning and the end - not for all of us anyway. Getting recovered includes things like being free of the delusion that drinking will fill some type of hole inside of you, free from thinking "it works" and free from all or most of those social fears that so many of us considered viable excuses to pick up a drink one more time hoping it would be better this time. It also means knowing deep down that no matter how messed up things SEEM, really, everything's fine - freedom from fear.....that's the brand of recovery that seems appealing to me.

Deuce85

Thanks. I just worry about certain things like tailgating. I have season tickets for a college football team and I have been goin for years. I use to drank a few beers tailgating but I mostly would take opiates. I have to o tailgating because I go with people that tailgate. The games are far from my house so I have to ride with them.

DayTrader

There are plenty of things I WANT to do that I, quite simply, had to set aside. Tough to do for a self-centered immature person like me. I want what I want.....and when I want it.

Making a decision that sobriety MUST be my primary priority was and can still be a tough one. It requires me to forgo a lot of things I think I need + things I want..........AND it puts the responsibility on me to do a whole lot of things I really DON'T want to do.......

Maybe, for now, it's best to NOT go to those games / tailgates?

Deuce85

Thanks guys. I really dont have a problem with staying sober. I will have 90 days Monday. I have a problem with being content and happy. I am coming off of a long acting opiate and i heard it takes a while for your brain chemistry to return to normal. I mostly stress out about social anxiety.

hector

Think positive. Eliminate "not" from your vocabulary. You're "sober". you're not "not drinking." You're "starting over", not "giving up". You're living a new life, not regretting the old one.

You're right, social situations are difficult at first. It gets easier.

Contented sobriety comes from doing the steps and working the program. Anyone can get sober - slap a cop around, you'll get sober. Being and staying happy, joyous and free - that's more difficult. I've been working on it a long time. Gratitude has a lot to do with it. I wish us luck.

ZiggyB

Hi,
This is a good thread for me to focus on as well. I admit I have problems with the same thing at times. It's very difficult for me to be around people who are always getting drunk but since I just left a lot of big drinkers in my old crowd (including a BF) I don't suppose I will need to worry about that much anymore. My biggest issue going forward is coping with the loneliness and trying not to isolate myself too much. I hear you about the social anxiety thing, sometimes I'd rather just stay at home and not have to deal with that.