I was here two years ago and now I am back
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
I was here two years ago and now I am back
Two years ago I started to wonder if I had a drinking problem and signed up on this site, something weird happened with the account and when I logged in everything was locked up, now I am back and know for sure it is time to make some changes.
At the time I was in a very unhappy marriage that is since over and done with and am trying to move on with my life. I have managed to control most of the crazy things I was doing to try and make myself happy during that time in my life but drinking is one I just cannot quit. It is what I do in my free time, when people ask me what type of hobbies I have all I can think is 'I drink'. I know there are a lot of ways to go about this and I will say from the get go I am not looking to be 100% sober, I want to change the way and the amount I drink but not quit. I have been able to do that with other habits in my life and I really think I can be one of those people who could learn to just have 1-2 drinks.
The thing the really made me realize I needed a change was a week ago I lost my job (not related to drinking just company doing poorly and laying people off) and the first thing I tried to cut out of my life was my drinking. I know I spend an excessive amount of money at bars and until I was gainfully employed again that needed to stop. Mentally it wasn't that bad, I still wanted to be at my bar, with my bartender who knows my name and what I drink and when to refill and when to wait but going out for a late night cup of coffee was an acceptable alternative. It was when I started to become physically get ill from not drinking that I realized how bad I had let things become.
I have a fantastic boyfriend now who has offered several times to help me drink less, he barely drinks at all. He has been making this offer for months so I probably should have known something was up. So I feel like I have some real support in this decision but I just am at a lose for where to start.
I need to find a new job and I cannot be going out on interviews feeling like I am about to be sick because I haven't had a drink so quitting all together to at least start seems impossible. Currently I am just having a few drinks every night to keep the sickness away. But I am drinking alone and somewhat secretively and that just does not seem healthy. How do I start?
I know most people on here are for 100% sober and maybe one day it will come that I have to do that but for now I just want to cut back to the point I don't withdraw from not drinking and need to know what the first step is.
Sorry that was long, I just needed to get some things out.
At the time I was in a very unhappy marriage that is since over and done with and am trying to move on with my life. I have managed to control most of the crazy things I was doing to try and make myself happy during that time in my life but drinking is one I just cannot quit. It is what I do in my free time, when people ask me what type of hobbies I have all I can think is 'I drink'. I know there are a lot of ways to go about this and I will say from the get go I am not looking to be 100% sober, I want to change the way and the amount I drink but not quit. I have been able to do that with other habits in my life and I really think I can be one of those people who could learn to just have 1-2 drinks.
The thing the really made me realize I needed a change was a week ago I lost my job (not related to drinking just company doing poorly and laying people off) and the first thing I tried to cut out of my life was my drinking. I know I spend an excessive amount of money at bars and until I was gainfully employed again that needed to stop. Mentally it wasn't that bad, I still wanted to be at my bar, with my bartender who knows my name and what I drink and when to refill and when to wait but going out for a late night cup of coffee was an acceptable alternative. It was when I started to become physically get ill from not drinking that I realized how bad I had let things become.
I have a fantastic boyfriend now who has offered several times to help me drink less, he barely drinks at all. He has been making this offer for months so I probably should have known something was up. So I feel like I have some real support in this decision but I just am at a lose for where to start.
I need to find a new job and I cannot be going out on interviews feeling like I am about to be sick because I haven't had a drink so quitting all together to at least start seems impossible. Currently I am just having a few drinks every night to keep the sickness away. But I am drinking alone and somewhat secretively and that just does not seem healthy. How do I start?
I know most people on here are for 100% sober and maybe one day it will come that I have to do that but for now I just want to cut back to the point I don't withdraw from not drinking and need to know what the first step is.
Sorry that was long, I just needed to get some things out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Welcome back, Shine and Storm.
I respect that your goal is to cut back, but many people would recommend that any moderation plan be preceded by between 30 and 90 days of sobriety. This will give you a chance to see how you like sobriety, and to let you observe how you are without alcohol. Is that something you'd be willing to consider?
I respect that your goal is to cut back, but many people would recommend that any moderation plan be preceded by between 30 and 90 days of sobriety. This will give you a chance to see how you like sobriety, and to let you observe how you are without alcohol. Is that something you'd be willing to consider?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
I would be willing to completely quit for a while to start with if I wasn't have the problems with getting sick. I understand I probably won't feel 100% even just cutting back but I am interviewing for jobs right now and I cannot be a wreck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
Well even moderation techniques want you to stay sober for at least 30 days first before moderating. I think a big reason for that 30 day abstinence is they don't want people who are addicted or going through withdrawals to try moderation. If you read what you wrote, it sounds like you want to quit but can't, so that is a huge red flag that maybe you should look into sobriety more if you are having physical, emotional, and financial consequences because of drinking everyday.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR again ShineandStorm 
Just to throw it out there... suggesting that you carry on drinking so that you are physically able to function enough to get a job is ringing huge alarm bells with me. If you have to drink to not get sick then you have to quit. There is no other way. And it is probably worth doing your detox before you become gainfully employed. Cutting down is fine to minimise withdrawals but it won't solve the physical dependency. I would suggest you start with your doctor. If you're unemployed right now this is a good time to sort this out before it gets any worse. Good luck x
Originally Posted by ShineandStorm 
I need to find a new job and I cannot be going out on interviews feeling like I am about to be sick because I haven't had a drink so quitting all together to at least start seems impossible. Currently I am just having a few drinks every night to keep the sickness away. But I am drinking alone and somewhat secretively and that just does not seem healthy. How do I start?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
I tried to moderate my drinking too but never could do it.
I'd suggest seeing your doctor for a supervised detox and then sobriety for a while to see how you like it. I quit over two years ago and don't miss it one bit, in fact I'm happier now than I've been in a long time.
Welcome back!
I'd suggest seeing your doctor for a supervised detox and then sobriety for a while to see how you like it. I quit over two years ago and don't miss it one bit, in fact I'm happier now than I've been in a long time.Welcome back!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
I understand I let this get really bad, and I do need to quit at least for a little while, but I can't use this time being unemployed as a chance to go through withdrawal. I need a job now and I have two interviews tomorrow I cannot miss because I got sick. Isn't there a way to taper off? Like when the doctor switches my medications, I feel a little off but we do it slowly enough I am not feeling like death.
I am on a pretty consistent 6 drinks a night, I was hoping to go to 5,4 and so on until I could stop for a while. I mean if I don't get either of these jobs I am interviewing for tomorrow I could just suck it up and be sick for a while but right now that is not an option.
I am on a pretty consistent 6 drinks a night, I was hoping to go to 5,4 and so on until I could stop for a while. I mean if I don't get either of these jobs I am interviewing for tomorrow I could just suck it up and be sick for a while but right now that is not an option.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I guess I will go out on a limb here and wonder if you are looking for an excuse with the job-hunting? The initial withdrawl from alcohol where most of us feel shakey, lethargic, etc, usually only lasts for a few days and then, physically you begin to feel better. And, you will be much more prepared from job interview when you're sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
you can look into moderation management, however even they recommend a 30 day abstinence period at the beginning. I am not sure what kind of help you are looking for? Tapering off is safer than quitting cold turkey because 6 drinks a day is a lot (IMO), perhaps you can talk to a doctor about it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
Maybe it is just the way my body reacts but what I was experiencing was not being a little shaky and lethargic. I was sitting at a friend's house trying to watch tv and felt nauseous and like I was going to fall over. I have had withdrawal issues from prescription medication before and that is exactly what it felt like, like I had an awful flu.
I really did try to just stop. I figured no money coming in alcohol (entertainment) was the last thing I needed to be spending money on. I couldn't do it without really bad effects. It isn't so much that the job hunt is an excuse as much as it is just a fact of life. If I could just take a few days off I would but I cannot.
Maybe I am just not ready yet for the type of support offered on this site. I am not saying I won't quit one day but that day cannot be today.
I really did try to just stop. I figured no money coming in alcohol (entertainment) was the last thing I needed to be spending money on. I couldn't do it without really bad effects. It isn't so much that the job hunt is an excuse as much as it is just a fact of life. If I could just take a few days off I would but I cannot.
Maybe I am just not ready yet for the type of support offered on this site. I am not saying I won't quit one day but that day cannot be today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR
I think most people here are for 100% sobriety because we know that there is no other way. We got ourselves to a point where we had absolutely no ability to control our drinking. My opinion is that once we have got ourselves in to a position where we drink X amount, we can no longer get ourselves back to how we once drank. It sounds to me like you have at least an issue with alcohol, if not more - feeling ill because you haven't drank and feeling like you can't go to an interview unless you've drank are both most definitely not normal drinking behaviour. There have been many people here who have attempted to bring alcohol back in after being sober for a certain period of time and most seem to report that they just get right back to where they were before, if not worse. I'm not trying to scare you here, but life is so much better without alcohol... you can be totally free from it and not have to worry about being sick because you haven't had any. You can be liberated from all that... you just have to not drink.
All the best to you.
I think most people here are for 100% sobriety because we know that there is no other way. We got ourselves to a point where we had absolutely no ability to control our drinking. My opinion is that once we have got ourselves in to a position where we drink X amount, we can no longer get ourselves back to how we once drank. It sounds to me like you have at least an issue with alcohol, if not more - feeling ill because you haven't drank and feeling like you can't go to an interview unless you've drank are both most definitely not normal drinking behaviour. There have been many people here who have attempted to bring alcohol back in after being sober for a certain period of time and most seem to report that they just get right back to where they were before, if not worse. I'm not trying to scare you here, but life is so much better without alcohol... you can be totally free from it and not have to worry about being sick because you haven't had any. You can be liberated from all that... you just have to not drink.
All the best to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
That's okay, Just quit after tomorrow then Tapering is a good way to quit as long as you are confident you can control it. I just don't think you can taper your way out of physical dependency and just carry on drinking. Maybe taper for a few days and don't organise any more interviews till you are sober and recovering x
Tapering is a good way to quit as long as you are confident you can control it. I just don't think you can taper your way out of physical dependency and just carry on drinking. Maybe taper for a few days and don't organise any more interviews till you are sober and recovering x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Hi there. I too have had the desire to "just cut back," "control my drinking," "drink in moderation," get disciplined about drinking, etc.
In practice, this has not worked out. And when I really think it through in my head, I see why. I have absolutely no desire to just drink 2 beers or 1 cocktail etc. To me that is frustrating and I want more-- I drink for the release, the escape, the buzz, the oblivion etc.-- not for the "taste" or the enjoyment of the drink etc. If someone gave me the choice between one drink or none, I would choose none! (Now, maybe I would choose 2 drinks if given that option, but only because sometimes 2 drinks can give me a buzz-- and again I drink for the buzz/mental affect.
)
Hopefully you will have better luck trying to moderate or control your drinking. If not, a sober life really isn't as bad as you think, and can be quite rewarding! Either way, I think it's a good thing to be taking a closer look at! Best wishes to you.
In practice, this has not worked out. And when I really think it through in my head, I see why. I have absolutely no desire to just drink 2 beers or 1 cocktail etc. To me that is frustrating and I want more-- I drink for the release, the escape, the buzz, the oblivion etc.-- not for the "taste" or the enjoyment of the drink etc. If someone gave me the choice between one drink or none, I would choose none! (Now, maybe I would choose 2 drinks if given that option, but only because sometimes 2 drinks can give me a buzz-- and again I drink for the buzz/mental affect.
)Hopefully you will have better luck trying to moderate or control your drinking. If not, a sober life really isn't as bad as you think, and can be quite rewarding! Either way, I think it's a good thing to be taking a closer look at! Best wishes to you.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by ShineandStorm
Maybe I am just not ready yet for the type of support offered on this site. I am not saying I won't quit one day but that day cannot be today.
I hope you have another chance to grab the ring.
Blessed to be sober 23 months.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome ShineandStorm
There's some really great advice here, and some really great experience too.
If withdrawals are that difficult for you, and for some they are...then I think the best thing to do is to see a Dr.
I understand that you want a job and you have interviews but from my experience drinking to get through is not likely to show you in your best light anyway.
You'll find a lot of support here, and great advice.
But it's up to you what you do with that advice
noones going to make you do anything you don't want to do
D
There's some really great advice here, and some really great experience too.
If withdrawals are that difficult for you, and for some they are...then I think the best thing to do is to see a Dr.
I understand that you want a job and you have interviews but from my experience drinking to get through is not likely to show you in your best light anyway.
You'll find a lot of support here, and great advice.
But it's up to you what you do with that advice
noones going to make you do anything you don't want to do
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
I see a pdoc and moved my appointment up to sometime next week, it was the soonest they could get me in. I will talk to him about it, I am not supposed to drink on my medications anyway. I remember one time when I was in the hospital they gave me librium maybe they have something like that for an outpatient setting.
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