Please help me, I'm at a loss
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
Please help me, I'm at a loss
Here is a little of my background.
I have lived with Alcohol my whole life. My mother and step father who I lived with until I was 13 were severe alcoholics. I raised my little sister because they were unable to. My Mother was and is a very abusive alcoholic, physical and emotional abuse was an everyday occurrence and mostly was towards my step father. My step father was the opposite alcoholic, very happy, got along with everyone and was my "get away" from my mother. The fights were always going on until I was old enough to move in with my real Dad. I visited them in the summers and always kept in touch. Right before I moved out my mother started AA and I attended as well. I always liked to listen to everyone's problems and how they got through them.
I am now 25 and have been split up with my Alcoholic boyfriend for 1 year now. I have a 4 year old son and my ex-boyfriend is still drinking.
I lived with him for 7 years and dealt with alcoholism the entire time. I was given promises after promises that he would stop, and I always gave him another chance. He had been to jail several times for intoxication because I did not want to press other charges. He never hit me (but once), but always broke things... TV's, dressers, windows, walls, doors. He would threaten me, but always forgot what had happened after he sobered up. The last time was when he finally did hit me and it was in front of my son... I left him for good.
I guess what I need is some advice. He's becoming suicidal and has sever depression and no desire to get help. My son adores him and when he is sober he is so good to him as he is to me. He hides everything inside and never tells anyone how he is feeling. My concern is he has finally realized that he had chosen alcohol over his family and he is going to kill himself because he is still doing it. He has gone a while since he has seen his son now and since we've split up he has been arrested three times, once for DUI and totaling three vehicles and two more intoxication tickets.
I love him and my son loves him. How can we all make this work so we can be happy and be a family??
I have lived with Alcohol my whole life. My mother and step father who I lived with until I was 13 were severe alcoholics. I raised my little sister because they were unable to. My Mother was and is a very abusive alcoholic, physical and emotional abuse was an everyday occurrence and mostly was towards my step father. My step father was the opposite alcoholic, very happy, got along with everyone and was my "get away" from my mother. The fights were always going on until I was old enough to move in with my real Dad. I visited them in the summers and always kept in touch. Right before I moved out my mother started AA and I attended as well. I always liked to listen to everyone's problems and how they got through them.
I am now 25 and have been split up with my Alcoholic boyfriend for 1 year now. I have a 4 year old son and my ex-boyfriend is still drinking.
I lived with him for 7 years and dealt with alcoholism the entire time. I was given promises after promises that he would stop, and I always gave him another chance. He had been to jail several times for intoxication because I did not want to press other charges. He never hit me (but once), but always broke things... TV's, dressers, windows, walls, doors. He would threaten me, but always forgot what had happened after he sobered up. The last time was when he finally did hit me and it was in front of my son... I left him for good.
I guess what I need is some advice. He's becoming suicidal and has sever depression and no desire to get help. My son adores him and when he is sober he is so good to him as he is to me. He hides everything inside and never tells anyone how he is feeling. My concern is he has finally realized that he had chosen alcohol over his family and he is going to kill himself because he is still doing it. He has gone a while since he has seen his son now and since we've split up he has been arrested three times, once for DUI and totaling three vehicles and two more intoxication tickets.
I love him and my son loves him. How can we all make this work so we can be happy and be a family??
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
He needs to fix himself before there is any chance of "we can be happy and have a family". Also, you really, REALLY need to protect your 4 year-old from the situation as much as possible, anything could set of ABF and the child could get caught in the middle of a very dire situation. ABF could also use the child as a pawn in the relationship - child does not need or deserve this. He's destroying vehicles, it could be a person or persons next.
Find out how you can be happy with/for you and your child, and leave ABF to figure out what he needs to do. You owe him nothing, but you owe everything to yourself and your son.
Best wishes.
Find out how you can be happy with/for you and your child, and leave ABF to figure out what he needs to do. You owe him nothing, but you owe everything to yourself and your son.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saltburn UK
Posts: 278
You may still love this man but you have also realised that you don't have the power to change him. It sounds like you have a great capacity for understanding, having been raised among similar problems, but OhioDad is right, your priority at the moment should be to take good care of yourself and your son. How far down the road to self destruction does someone have to go before they open their eyes? I suppose the answer is different for everyone who is on that road, I hope he sees the light, and I hope you have a happy outcome-meanwhile stay focussed on you
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I'm glad you found us! This is a wonderful resource of support and information. Some of our stories are in the sticky posts (older, permanent posts) located at the top of this forum page. I am always finding wisdom in those posts.
Your ex may be depressed. His drinking is not helping the situation. Alcohol is a known depressant. His depression can not be effectively treated until his alcoholism is treated. His depression + His alcoholism = His repsonsibility.
I learned about the 3 C's of my husband's alcoholism when I first arrive here:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
I hope you are able to accept that you are powerless over his alcoholism. The sooner you are able to accept that concept, the sooner you will be able to focus on the lives you do have control over: yours and your son.
This is one of my favorite sticky posts. It contains steps that helped me while I was living with active alcoholism in my life:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'm glad you found us! This is a wonderful resource of support and information. Some of our stories are in the sticky posts (older, permanent posts) located at the top of this forum page. I am always finding wisdom in those posts.
Your ex may be depressed. His drinking is not helping the situation. Alcohol is a known depressant. His depression can not be effectively treated until his alcoholism is treated. His depression + His alcoholism = His repsonsibility.
I learned about the 3 C's of my husband's alcoholism when I first arrive here:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
I hope you are able to accept that you are powerless over his alcoholism. The sooner you are able to accept that concept, the sooner you will be able to focus on the lives you do have control over: yours and your son.
This is one of my favorite sticky posts. It contains steps that helped me while I was living with active alcoholism in my life:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
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