mayan

As a wife of a RAH, I am in a recovery stage too (talking about my codependency). I have some personal issues right now that has NOTHING to do with my RAH "addiction". Since we are far apart, and we only see each other everyday on a video call, he would ask me whats wrong?(maybe he sees it in my face) and I wouldnt say anything thinking that it may affect "OUR" recovery at this point. I always think that it is entirely a different issue and I kept silent. Is this the right thing to do? Or should I share because he is my husband and he has the right to know? I would love to hear his opinion on some matters but at the same time, I dont want to barge him with some issues that would deter "our" recovery. He's been sober for 23 days. Please advise. Thanks.

tjp613

Isn't a big part of recovery learning how to deal with "issues" and managing stress without getting high?

mayan

so its ok to share with my husband then?

lesliej

do you have a sponsor that you can ask?

in general I believe in transparency and honesty. honesty is the foundation of recovery. That being said, there are also things that are part of my own being, spirit and past...that are mine. I have shared them with my therapist and my sponsor...and that sharing has been a major part of my recovery, and my becoming whole.

These are things that I do not share elsewhere. There are boundaries even, and maybe especially, within the spiritual plane and in recovery. Sometimes there are hidden motives or desires in that urge to "share" with another person. Gaining the perspective of a trusted third person (therapist/sponsor) can be a huge help in gaining insight into how to share and heal your issues in a healthy, respectful way.

I would suggest holding on your desire to share until you have checked in with someone on an intimate level. Sometimes we, as addicts, or codependents, or survivors of dysfunction...tend toward destructive/sabotage even under the guise of recovery and honesty. Just move quietly within your spirit and seek intimate guidance.

And, it is my hope for you, that you can attain that egg shell free sense of transparency and clarity and honesty within your relationship. That does not necessarily mean sharing everything... IMHO!!

laurie6781

I do believe that since he is so early into recovery, that it would just be best
to say something like:

"oh some 'outside of us' problems. Nothing to do with us and our recovery.
I'll tell you about it later."

And move on to another subject. He needs to be able for RIGHT NOW to
totally concentrate on HIS RECOVERY and only HIS RECOVERY. Yes, he
will have to learn how to handle the vicissitudes of life the 'ups' and the
'downs' without having to use chemicals, but does not have to be or need
to be inundated now.

I agree, that for right now, best to talk with a 'trusted' third party, be it a
dear friend, a sponsor, a therapist, etc and not 'burden' him with 'outside
issues.'

J M H O based on my own recovery from alcohol, drugs, and codependency.

Love and hugs,

mayan

I am so thankful being here!!! i have read the wisest words from you guys. Thank you so much. We may all be from different parts of this world, but I feel so close with you in spirit. I couldn't thank you enough.