tonyinco

I am not a drug nor have i ever been. 2 years ago i caught my wife smoking heroin in our basement she claims she had been doing it for about 6 months. Leading up to me catching her i knew something was not right and had suspected drug use or cheating, i should mention that her child hood best friend was a junkie and she had begun hanging out with her more and seemed to be making excuses for her friends drug use and told me on several occasions that her friend had quit using, but Im not dumb and have been around drug users and heroin is pretty hard to hide. So i had asked on several occasions if she had been using drugs and she always denied it, i even found baggies in her pants and she claimed it was leftover from when her friend had borrowed them. long story short she had lied to me straight to my face where lies the problem. After catching her in the basement she went to a few an meetings and claimed to be better. and promised time and time again she would never lie to me again and if she slipped up she would be honest about it. i struggled with trust issues for the next 18 months and was getting better i didn't over examine her any more when she came home late from work or accuse her etc.. and things seemed to be on track. fast forward to last week we have new neighbors and they are druggies and asked my and my wife if we would like to do cocaine with them while we were hanging out drinking a beer on porch my wife immediately looked at me ask for "permission" for lack of a better word, to do it with them.i should also mention they specifically asked my wife not me as if they already knew i didn't do drugs. i declined and informed them that i didn't do drugs, my wife responded by saying i wont let her and gave a boo hoo thumbs down gesture to the neighbors it made feel like her father or something and i felt really sad she had put it on me, but didn't say anything and got over it. 2 days later we are sitting on porch and neighbor asked if we would trade a couple beers for a pill again, and my heart sunk. my wife immediately started staring at the neighbor with the shut the **** up look we all know. i got dizzy and flush and had to go inside and figure out what i had just heard my wife came in and i asked what the neighbor was talking about she claimed the neighbor wanted us to give them an aspirin for a beer, i called bs and she said i was crazy i asked her to please not treat me like im dumb and be honest she said she was lying and she had in fact traded the neighbors for an opiate base pain killer and that it was her first time taking drugs in2 years and that im blowing it all out of proportion and am being irrational because in pretty upset, angry sad and all that goes with it. and she claims that she is not an addict and never has been and only went to an meetings to make me feel better. so i guess my question is do i believe her or what do i do. i don't understand how she would hurt me like this again if she is not an addict, she just says she don't know and just wanted to "have fun cause it had been 2 years so why not" and she actually lied to me to protect me not her. do i believe it is the first time or get out while i can. i guess most of all im confused and aside from my wife whom i thought was my best friend i have nobody to talk to about this no real friends or family.

crazybabie

Welcome to SR i am sorry for what brought you here my husband is an opiate abuser and I know he is an addict from what you posted I would say yes IMO she is an addict opiates are easy to get addicted too.

My suggestion is read around the board especially the stickies at the top keep posting and learn all you can about addiction. You sound like a smart man I think your already know the answer

Do you have any kids?

FindingErica

Addicts lie. My guess would be she never stopped. Active addicts are nobody's friends and they are not equal partners in the relationship. You will end up doing all the giving and her the taking. Find an Al Anon or Nar Anon group in your area for support. Whether you stay or go is your decision, but as you know, you can not change her. Being informed and understanding addiction and having support will give you strength no matter what you decide

LoveMeNow

I am so sorry Tony for your pain. Most of us have been there. Lying, manipulating, denying, blaming, and stealing are just what addicts do. They do anything they have to - to protect their addiction.

If your wife, in fact, did attend a few meetings (unless you went or drove her, I wouldn't believe it) she most likely did that to appease you so that she could keep using.

Please read all you can on addiction. I came her very naive and found out what I didn't want to hear. I, also, realized I was a huge part of the problem because I was my husband's biggest enabler. Keep posting, keep reading and protect your credit and financial situation.

Addiction is a progressive disease and things will get much worse if untreated!

amaslow

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck......She is somehow able to keep this up without you noticing.. so she will go into a total denial that will be believeable.. That is a hard place to be in.. You will question yourself and hard a hard time setting boundaries if you don't get some support.

Pock89

Addicts are master manipulators when they are actively using drugs. Opiates are extremely addicting. They usually are not something that someone can pick up and put down whenever they feel like it.
I think a good way to judge if someone is actually addicted or not is to look at the consequences of their drug use. Is there drug use impacting their life in a negative way? If they are experiencing negative consequences as a direct result of their drug use, and continue to use anyways, that is addict behavior.

Just food for thought...

Best of luck to you.

outtolunch

I am willing to bet she is addicted-poly substance abuser- alcohol, opiates/opioids/cocaine and who knews what else.

Do you have children living in the home?
Is living with addiction acceptable to you?

You did not cause this.
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this.

emptyshell

Tony I am so sorry you are going through this. I would not believe her, I deal with the same things with my husband, and same goes for the just starting to get the trust back and I know exactly how much it hurts. You really want to believe them, you hope and pray they are not using, your heart hurts with every lie or suspision,etc but in the back of your mind there is that little voice that tells you the truth. Listen to it. I am new to SR and have been reading alot (as many members have suggested) and it really helps me to understand addiction and what addicts will do for drugs and to their loved ones. I am currently seeking a Naranon meeting in my area and suggest you do the same as well as read some info on this site. And talk to as many people on this site as you can, it really helps to just get it off your chest when you have no one to talk to.