I feel like I am in a Soap Opera
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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I feel like I am in a Soap Opera
So, AH has essentially ignored my further emails about retrieving my property. I sent a list of all of my belongings and told him that I need my things as I only have a weeks worth of clothing and I wanted my dad's ashes asap. He ignored that as well.
So, this morning, I decide, I am going to go over there before work and get my stuff. Well, guess what? He changed the locks, and that bitch was in there. I ring the doorbell, I can hear her inside and tell her to open up as I need to get my things, I still legally live there and she can't keep me out. I then proceeded to call her a homewrecker and that she should be ashamed of herself. I then yelled that I would call the police and have them come over, which I know my husband does not want to happen, but I will do it. (my Detective friend gave me advice and will hook me up with someone from the force who can accompany me if I want it.)
So, I left with fuming angry. This this THING is living in my house, using my plates, going through MY THINGS and she thinks she has more right to be there than I. Also, my suspicions were confirmed, she obviously DOES NOT HAVE A JOB and is a Super Leech. Gross. Good freaking luck with that to my STBXH. I started driving to my AH's work to confront him and then my sister called me back, calmed me down and finally AH called me back.
I said that I need my stuff, I have a weeks worth of clothing, all my makeup, everything is there and I want it and he needs to quit ignoring me when I state I want it. He said that I "can't just show up unannounced"...Seriously!
I told him that that house is my legal residence, we are still married and I have every right to go in there and if I do not get my things, I will take that legal right and go from there. He then stated, he's at work and can't talk. Which is BS!
I have no freaking idea why he just won't give me my things! I mean, he is currently ensconcing that unemployed skank in the house, give me my things! I told him I would be coming by after work and I will pick up my things. He hung up on me.
This is so ridiculous. I will be calling his dad today and telling him what is going on. He will at least tell AH to let me pick up my stuff. If not, I will take my Detective friends help and go there with the police...which I know for 100% fact that AH does not want me to do.
So, this morning, I decide, I am going to go over there before work and get my stuff. Well, guess what? He changed the locks, and that bitch was in there. I ring the doorbell, I can hear her inside and tell her to open up as I need to get my things, I still legally live there and she can't keep me out. I then proceeded to call her a homewrecker and that she should be ashamed of herself. I then yelled that I would call the police and have them come over, which I know my husband does not want to happen, but I will do it. (my Detective friend gave me advice and will hook me up with someone from the force who can accompany me if I want it.)
So, I left with fuming angry. This this THING is living in my house, using my plates, going through MY THINGS and she thinks she has more right to be there than I. Also, my suspicions were confirmed, she obviously DOES NOT HAVE A JOB and is a Super Leech. Gross. Good freaking luck with that to my STBXH. I started driving to my AH's work to confront him and then my sister called me back, calmed me down and finally AH called me back.
I said that I need my stuff, I have a weeks worth of clothing, all my makeup, everything is there and I want it and he needs to quit ignoring me when I state I want it. He said that I "can't just show up unannounced"...Seriously!
I told him that that house is my legal residence, we are still married and I have every right to go in there and if I do not get my things, I will take that legal right and go from there. He then stated, he's at work and can't talk. Which is BS!
I have no freaking idea why he just won't give me my things! I mean, he is currently ensconcing that unemployed skank in the house, give me my things! I told him I would be coming by after work and I will pick up my things. He hung up on me.
This is so ridiculous. I will be calling his dad today and telling him what is going on. He will at least tell AH to let me pick up my stuff. If not, I will take my Detective friends help and go there with the police...which I know for 100% fact that AH does not want me to do.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Horrible, simply horrible.
If you take your emotions out of it (nearly impossible I know) you will realize this woman was probably afraid to open the door thinking you might pound on her, along with not wanting to meet you, as you are his wife.
It is your residence, it is your stuff, give yourself the permission to take your power back whatever way is necessary.
If you take your emotions out of it (nearly impossible I know) you will realize this woman was probably afraid to open the door thinking you might pound on her, along with not wanting to meet you, as you are his wife.
It is your residence, it is your stuff, give yourself the permission to take your power back whatever way is necessary.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Originally Posted by MadeOfGlass 
Horrible, simply horrible.
If you take your emotions out of it (nearly impossible I know) you will realize this woman was probably afraid to open the door thinking you might pound on her, along with not wanting to meet you, as you are his wife.
It is your residence, it is your stuff, give yourself the permission to take your power back whatever way is necessary.
If you take your emotions out of it (nearly impossible I know) you will realize this woman was probably afraid to open the door thinking you might pound on her, along with not wanting to meet you, as you are his wife.
It is your residence, it is your stuff, give yourself the permission to take your power back whatever way is necessary.
She is just as sick as he is, as no normal human being would feel comfortable doing that. It's seriously mind boggling. He is seriously going to be saddled with this skank for a long time. She's like a roach. I cannot WAIT until the drama begins with them. I am going to sooo much enjoy it.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
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The lack of reason behind your AH's lack of cooperation must be incredibly frustrating. Keeping your stuff can serve no purpose for him or his, em, lady friend! It seems to me it is possibly intended to drive you crazy and make you mad, and unfortunately it is working. I would have had exactly the same reaction as you, so I am not being critical here in any way.
Melissa has a good point. Why worry about your AH not wanting the police involved? Why not do what you need to do to get yourself sorted so you can really move on from this dreadful situation?
Adventure
Melissa has a good point. Why worry about your AH not wanting the police involved? Why not do what you need to do to get yourself sorted so you can really move on from this dreadful situation?
Adventure
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Originally Posted by Melissa0067
My question to you is why are you waiting to get the police involved? Who knows what either of them will do to your stuff. I would call the police IMMEDIATELY and get your stuff now!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
What needs to happen to employ your tool of last resort? Meaning, calling the police.
Maybe the bench warrants will be a gift to him - forcing him to face the consequences of his actions. Either way, it sounds like you are still trying to take care of him, at least to some degree. Doesn't he have someone new to do that job? Take care of you. If that means getting your stuff - get it.
I think you're almost there. I hope you can move past this ugly chapter soon and open the new book that is all about you.
You deserve to be free of this soap opera and have peace.
Hugs,
MamaKit
Maybe the bench warrants will be a gift to him - forcing him to face the consequences of his actions. Either way, it sounds like you are still trying to take care of him, at least to some degree. Doesn't he have someone new to do that job? Take care of you. If that means getting your stuff - get it.
I think you're almost there. I hope you can move past this ugly chapter soon and open the new book that is all about you.
You deserve to be free of this soap opera and have peace.
Hugs,
MamaKit
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by MamaKit
What needs to happen to employ your tool of last resort? Meaning, calling the police.
Maybe the bench warrants will be a gift to him - forcing him to face the consequences of his actions. Either way, it sounds like you are still trying to take care of him, at least to some degree. Doesn't he have someone new to do that job? Take care of you. If that means getting your stuff - get it.
I think you're almost there. I hope you can move past this ugly chapter soon and open the new book that is all about you.
You deserve to be free of this soap opera and have peace.
Hugs,
MamaKit
Maybe the bench warrants will be a gift to him - forcing him to face the consequences of his actions. Either way, it sounds like you are still trying to take care of him, at least to some degree. Doesn't he have someone new to do that job? Take care of you. If that means getting your stuff - get it.
I think you're almost there. I hope you can move past this ugly chapter soon and open the new book that is all about you.
You deserve to be free of this soap opera and have peace.
Hugs,
MamaKit
I could also get him fired from his job as well with an anonymouse email to HR about him smelling like booze. He's already been called on it, he's obviously still drinking, so it would be super easy. I don't want to be the one to push him to his bottom, he will get there on his own eventually.
I don't think I am trying to save him, I just hate drama and avoid it as often as I can. I also don't want to admit that I am one of "those people" who has to get the Police involved for domestic issues. If he doesn't let me get all my things out within the next couple of days, I will call the police and will have no problem telling them of my safety concerns.
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Join Date: May 2012
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I agree with you. There's no need to be vindictive, or to have him point the finger of blame at you for what he is bringing onto himself.
He will create his own drama and demise, you need not take part in it.
Your stuff is another matter though, and I agree with you that you should put a time limit on it. I might even consider telling him when the deadline is before you call the police. What does everybody else think about that idea? Tell him when the deadline is, or no?
He will create his own drama and demise, you need not take part in it.
Your stuff is another matter though, and I agree with you that you should put a time limit on it. I might even consider telling him when the deadline is before you call the police. What does everybody else think about that idea? Tell him when the deadline is, or no?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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I didn't mean to be so short with my earlier post but a client walked in as I was typing it so I had to finish it up quickly.
I agree with the other poster, you are most definitely thinking about him more than and before you are thinking about yourself. Your only concern at this point should be getting YOUR belongings back into your possession. Who cares if he has a warrant or guns in the house, that is not your problem or your fault. He is keeping your things from you and if you have to get the police involved to get them back then he will have consequences for HIS actions. He changed the locks. He is keeping them from you. He is not thinking of how you will feel or what affect it will have on you while he is shacking up with another woman in your home is he? Do not give him a couple more days.
I am sorry to say this but you are not trying to avoid drama, you are looking out for him, you do not want to get him in trouble because you think that if you call the police and he gets arrested for the warrant than somehow you played a part in his getting arrested. Let me tell you again, whatever trouble he gets in is his fault and his fault only!!! We have all been there and we know the thought process. Please stop letting him have this control over you. You have asked him enough times for your stuff, put yourself first and show him that you mean business and that you will not let him control or manipulate you any further. Let him go have his short lived fun playing house with the new girl.
I agree with the other poster, you are most definitely thinking about him more than and before you are thinking about yourself. Your only concern at this point should be getting YOUR belongings back into your possession. Who cares if he has a warrant or guns in the house, that is not your problem or your fault. He is keeping your things from you and if you have to get the police involved to get them back then he will have consequences for HIS actions. He changed the locks. He is keeping them from you. He is not thinking of how you will feel or what affect it will have on you while he is shacking up with another woman in your home is he? Do not give him a couple more days.
I am sorry to say this but you are not trying to avoid drama, you are looking out for him, you do not want to get him in trouble because you think that if you call the police and he gets arrested for the warrant than somehow you played a part in his getting arrested. Let me tell you again, whatever trouble he gets in is his fault and his fault only!!! We have all been there and we know the thought process. Please stop letting him have this control over you. You have asked him enough times for your stuff, put yourself first and show him that you mean business and that you will not let him control or manipulate you any further. Let him go have his short lived fun playing house with the new girl.
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He has an outstanding warrant therefore you don't have the right to retreive your things from your own house? Please call the police and get your things. For your own sake and peace of mind, please end this drama.
Many hugs and prayers for peace and strength.
Many hugs and prayers for peace and strength.
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Have you asked a lawyer about how to enforce your rights? What he is doing is illegal.
I say to heck with whatever consequences it brings to him... he's acting like a freaking 12 year old and deserves every bit of it.
Obviously having conversations with him (or his daddy) is totally fruitless. Call a lawyer or call your policeman-friend...do whatever you have to do to get your things back ASAP.
I say to heck with whatever consequences it brings to him... he's acting like a freaking 12 year old and deserves every bit of it.
Obviously having conversations with him (or his daddy) is totally fruitless. Call a lawyer or call your policeman-friend...do whatever you have to do to get your things back ASAP.
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I just called the police department and asked what my rights were and they were literally astounded by this situation. The police lady had all kinds of sympathy for me. I feel like this story is so outlandish that it does seem unbelievable. This bar skank has no legal right to the house or to stay there if I do not want her there. It is my legal residence and I have every right to it and he cannot lock me out of it.
I am going after work tonight and if he will not let me in and get my things, I will have a police escort come with me and a moving truck this weekend. This is ridiculous.
And I agree, Melissa, obviously I am trying to keep him out of trouble. But if the police get involved, he will get taken in. I wonder if I can use that as a threat. I am making baby steps and doing the best I can at this time in my life. I am just not a person who can make sure someone faces consquences because I started the ball rolling, it needs to come from their end.
If I do not get my things tonight and able to move my furniture this weekend, the police will be called.
I am going after work tonight and if he will not let me in and get my things, I will have a police escort come with me and a moving truck this weekend. This is ridiculous.
And I agree, Melissa, obviously I am trying to keep him out of trouble. But if the police get involved, he will get taken in. I wonder if I can use that as a threat. I am making baby steps and doing the best I can at this time in my life. I am just not a person who can make sure someone faces consquences because I started the ball rolling, it needs to come from their end.
If I do not get my things tonight and able to move my furniture this weekend, the police will be called.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Threats are pointless IMHO. If it is safe for you to go on your own tonight and you are successful gathering your things, GREAT -then you've accomplished what you need to.
The threat is really just another way of you trying to control his actions. Remember, he is not thinking logically with a sick brain, so threats don't compute with him the way they should or would to normal people. I think it will just create more drama and heartache, if not something worse.
If you are not successful tonight, you've already got a plan in place about what to do. Stick with that.
Give yourself credit....no one is ever completely "there" in terms of recovery. It's a process - a daily thing. You are own your way and stronger than you know. You deserve to be free of this chaos!
Hugs
MamaKit
The threat is really just another way of you trying to control his actions. Remember, he is not thinking logically with a sick brain, so threats don't compute with him the way they should or would to normal people. I think it will just create more drama and heartache, if not something worse.
If you are not successful tonight, you've already got a plan in place about what to do. Stick with that.
Give yourself credit....no one is ever completely "there" in terms of recovery. It's a process - a daily thing. You are own your way and stronger than you know. You deserve to be free of this chaos!
Hugs
MamaKit
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I just wanted to update. I called the police, they said to give them 15 minutes notice. If I can't get in tonight and make arrangements for this weekend, I will call the police tomorrow and get my things.
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