TakingCharge999

So the other day I was feeling very sad/lonely/abandoned about my dad (suddenly I felt very afraid of him dying without my forgiveness just as it happened with him and his own dad last year) and I realized

1 I am also "carrying" that guilt.. I was not the one who abandoned her child... even if my dad does not acknowledge wrongdoing it does not mean it has to be mine.

Knee issues=lack of support feelings=carrying too much 'weight'=fear of moving forward, staying stuck in the same place. Describes my emotional life perfectly

2 OK, I have acted like a victim often in my life. But when I was little I had needs just like anyone else and they went unmet. This was not my fault.

I am a Master in beating myself up thinking it was a character defect all along but separating my actual needs from my unhealthy thoughts, words and actions made me feel lighter. I guess it cut me some slack. I guess I am able to feel more self compassion... unhealthy living has just been a CONSEQUENCE... my soul is not twisted, dirty and unrepairable as I have thought, at times of much pain.

Thanks for letting me share