Terminal farewell..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 352
Terminal farewell..
Hello all
My life keeps unravelling with new appreciations and wonderments now that my alcoholic fog has been lifted. Sobriety isn't easy, but it sure is worth it, for all the little things that I can appreciate now.
The reason for this post really is just to put into my own mind tomorrows undertaking. My mother has been very ill, terminal cancer, and I got the word today to come down to say my goodbyes. Of course, my mind state is all over the map. It was a long time coming, and my relationship with my parents has been less than a Norman Rockwell painting. There are all kinds of emotions involved now, from resentments, guilt, relief, you name it. The point is, I am grateful to be sober to deal with all this. I have come to realize that life really is a limited number of days and years, and I am so glad to finally stop wasting my money and time feeling worthless in self hatred through Alcoholic eyes. I will say good bye to my mother, and I think I will be fine with it. If I was drinking, I know how my mind would take me to those miserable, dark lonely hating places...
I appreciate this site so much, the friendships i have made, and the support given. I know a few might say, my mom is in their prayers, but please, dont. She lived her time, it is time, and surprisingly, it really is okay...thanks for reading.
My life keeps unravelling with new appreciations and wonderments now that my alcoholic fog has been lifted. Sobriety isn't easy, but it sure is worth it, for all the little things that I can appreciate now.
The reason for this post really is just to put into my own mind tomorrows undertaking. My mother has been very ill, terminal cancer, and I got the word today to come down to say my goodbyes. Of course, my mind state is all over the map. It was a long time coming, and my relationship with my parents has been less than a Norman Rockwell painting. There are all kinds of emotions involved now, from resentments, guilt, relief, you name it. The point is, I am grateful to be sober to deal with all this. I have come to realize that life really is a limited number of days and years, and I am so glad to finally stop wasting my money and time feeling worthless in self hatred through Alcoholic eyes. I will say good bye to my mother, and I think I will be fine with it. If I was drinking, I know how my mind would take me to those miserable, dark lonely hating places...
I appreciate this site so much, the friendships i have made, and the support given. I know a few might say, my mom is in their prayers, but please, dont. She lived her time, it is time, and surprisingly, it really is okay...thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
We are meant to outlive our parents, but their passing is never easy. Kudos to you for facing this difficult time sober.
One of my biggest regrets from my drinking days is that although I was able to make adequate decisions (more or less) regarding my own mother's care during the months leading up to her death, alcoholism made me unavailable to her emotionally.
One of my biggest regrets from my drinking days is that although I was able to make adequate decisions (more or less) regarding my own mother's care during the months leading up to her death, alcoholism made me unavailable to her emotionally.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
losteverything,
Thank you for your post. I am dealing with a death of a friend right now and I appreciate being sober through it. Tomorrow will likely be a tough day for you, and I admire your attitude and strength. Take care.
Thank you for your post. I am dealing with a death of a friend right now and I appreciate being sober through it. Tomorrow will likely be a tough day for you, and I admire your attitude and strength. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
I feel so much for you.
I am 47, and my dear mother, who was one of my best friends, suffered a major stroke in 2009 that has left her half paralyzed and unable to communicate in any way. She is still alive and physically well, but she has huge, unsurpassable holes in her memory, even of those she loved. I know she loved (and still loves) me. I know this because I am a mother of 4 grown children. Your mother loves you no matter what, regardless of your situation. She loves you unconditionally. She prays that you will be happy and that you will strive each day to be the best person you can be. You can do that without alcohol. I don't know if she ever knew you had a problem or not, but I guarantee that if she did she would want you to stop abusing, but that she would love you regardless.
I pray peace for you and your family. Our human existence goes beyond what we can experience and understand.
I wish for you and your family love and light.
I am 47, and my dear mother, who was one of my best friends, suffered a major stroke in 2009 that has left her half paralyzed and unable to communicate in any way. She is still alive and physically well, but she has huge, unsurpassable holes in her memory, even of those she loved. I know she loved (and still loves) me. I know this because I am a mother of 4 grown children. Your mother loves you no matter what, regardless of your situation. She loves you unconditionally. She prays that you will be happy and that you will strive each day to be the best person you can be. You can do that without alcohol. I don't know if she ever knew you had a problem or not, but I guarantee that if she did she would want you to stop abusing, but that she would love you regardless.
I pray peace for you and your family. Our human existence goes beyond what we can experience and understand.
I wish for you and your family love and light.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
LostEverything, thinking of you on this difficult day and sending prayers for you and your mom. I'm glad you're able to do this sober, it wouldn't be easy no matter what, but I think sober will make it more peaceful and healing for you.
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