ChildinDarkness

Hi

So I have been sober for 32 days 1 month and 1 day.

I have managed to sort out lots of internal issues that were major triggers.

I am only getting familiar with what actually triggers me to want to drink, most times it comes with feeling desperately low.

I still hit a wall from time to time with emotion although I am learning to push through them. Acceptance is a beautiful thing.

I am feeling so much better, I am eating healthy and running most days. My mental state feels strong.

I am now living in a penthouse with beautiful people around. I do feel incredibly lonely though because I lost my partner of 2 years through being an alcoholic. I loved her with every part of me, she gave me chance after chance although I finally managed to completely ruin things. I miss her so very much and it gets me very emotional each day. I have deleted her photos and things from my phone and have broken all ties as its not fair on her.

I am now being asked out to clubs and things and I feel strong enough to be in an environment with alcohol without resorting back to former self.

I do have a genuine fear though that in time this strength could fail. I just don't know although I am determined not to drink. I have learnt such a lesson.

Is it to soon to be socialising again because the thought of spending time in alone scares me to death. I keep myself busy and read self help books i.e. the power of now and a new earth although really there is only so much time that I can keep that up without thoughts streaming back to me. It can take looking at the moon and then the overwhelming pain hits me again.

If I stay strong and focused I am sure that I can leave the alcohol alone has anyone been here before and if so what is your thoughts?

Appreciated.

2granddaughters

Excellent test....... I couldn't do it.

Hopefully you have Googled and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous".
I am one of those alcoholics.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

regeneration

hello childindarkness.... well done on the 32 days.

I'd try and avoid clubs for a bit longer if I was you. I'm just over 4 months, and I tended to avoid biggish events for the first couple of months. I did do things like go to a karaoke night early on, and I liked that as I enjoy singing.

But when I went to bars with big groups I found it hard and irritating. Other people when drunk and you are sober can be really annoying (I found). I used to go out a lot in London, and people in some clubs don't just stop at one or two, there is a fair bit of drink and drugs around, depending upon where you are.

I'd wait a bit longer if I was you, then try it, as if you're asking about it and worrying it might not be a good idea.

I hear you on the loneliness though... to helpe me when I first got sober I did a writing course, and a mindfulness meditation course. I met others a couple of nights a week doing that. I also went away.

I now go to AA and chat/socialise there a bit more. That's not for everyone but I think it helps if you find something to do to help you a bit. And see friends who may do some stuff without booze with you, that's also what I did. In a few months you may go to clubs and be fine, but you might then choose not to be there. Good luck with it, let us know how it goes.

TorontoGuy28

Congrats on 32 days !

In my opinion, it is way too soon to be going to clubs. It was for me, although my problem was patios after a hectic day at the office...

After 3 months, I felt stronger but still only went out IF and ONLY IF it was safe for me.

Now I have a blast at whatever I do, without alcohol...

All the best and sorry about your loss.

hypochondriac

If you are not sure, don't go. Don't go out socialising with drinkers just because you feel lonely, because that might make you associate companionship with drinking. How about trying to socialise in non alcohol focused environments first, before you head out to the clubs? Maybe even just some daytime activities...coffee with friends, fitness things, book club...just other stuff that involves other people but not alcohol.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't ever go out, just be mindful of your own feelings about it. I am still careful after 5 months, because I don't trust myself not to think that one beer might be okay. I always say that left to my own devices, with my own thoughts, I would be drinking, so I intend to limit my social occasions until I have fixed that! If I go out I have to spend an equal amount of time at AA. Too many people have said 'One beer won't kill you' in a social setting to me for me to feel comfortable doing it too often. It just takes one weak moment to undo a few months hard work.

I'm sorry you feel in pain, but try not to run away from that feeling by surrounding yourself with people, especially drinking people. Maybe talk to a counsellor, or spend more time here. Try and find some fun activities that aren't nightclubs...I hope you feel better soon. And well done on a month and a day x

Jeni26

I agree with Hypo. I had a few social occasions very early in sobriety and I just couldn't relax. I was not comfortable being sober around drinkers, and so worried I would relapse.
I'm 10 weeks sober now, and would still avoid it at the moment. That's just me, you could be different.
Maybe look for new ways to socialise that don't revolve around drinking?x

SlimSlim

Hi:

To echo others, if you have any doubt, listen to yourself.

I'm starting over again tomorrow. With my last attempt, if I went somewhere where alcohol was served, I made sure everyone there knew that I was not drinking. They were close friends and family and supported me, providing seltzer, tea, anything but alcohol.

I agree with regeneration "But when I went to bars with big groups I found it hard and irritating. Other people when drunk and you are sober can be really annoying (I found)."

You've made great progress...keep on adding days, one day at a time.

Anna

Congratulations on your sober time.

I could definitely not have been around alcohol after a months sober. In fact, it was many months before I began to feel a bit comfortable. Don't rush things and risk backsliding.

Dee74

you seem to be a little conflicted to me, which is natural.
32 days is awesome...but it is just 32 days.

If you think thats enough time for you to visit your old life and not be affected, ok...
but like others have said, if you have any doubts that's it's too soon, maybe it is?

Absolutely no one needs to sit alone in their apartment in recovery - but we don't need to throw ourselves into clubs pubs and bacchanalia either.

There's a middle way between those two extremes...go see a movie, invite people out for coffee, invite people round for board games, join a book club...

Those are just generic suggestions...the world is your oyster...use your imagination...
there's a lot of space between hermit and party central

D

ChildinDarkness

thank you very much for your educated advice I appreciate that,