Day Eleven -- successes and failures
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Day Eleven -- successes and failures
So I'm on Day Eleven. I have felt strong and committed and have been practicing my understanding of urge surfing. When I have a flash that a drink would be nice, I play it on through to the conclusion that I know it would come to.
I haven't been posting threads because I'm sick of being such a pogo stick, but I have felt strong and committed these past eleven days.
Some of you will remember, though, that I have a horse that has medical problems. In light of the fact that two of my sisters have died this year, I'm pretty stressed out as I have been watching her decline these past couple of weeks. She now has been diagnosed with kidney failure and is dropping weight radically. Today her eyes look vacant and she doesn't want me around, so I think we are almost at an end. The vet will be here tonight but I cannot tell you how stressful this has been. I have been trying to feed her--despite her avoidance. I've bought five different kinds of feed, cut up countless apples and carrots and still she loses weight. So I think this will be hard but since she is definitely uncomfortable, it will be for the best if the vet wants to let her go.
Success: Horses LOVE beer. Yesterday I had my husband bring home a big can of beer and mixed it into her feed. I stood there with that giant beer, cracked it open and poured it in. Phwew. She didn't want it.
Failure: I want a bottle of wine and a good cry.
I think hubby will try to shield me. He knows this is all tangled up in this awful year. I really, really tried to help her recover.
Oh well. It would definitely be a good excuse to drink. It is not a good excuse to forfeit my sobriety.
I haven't been posting threads because I'm sick of being such a pogo stick, but I have felt strong and committed these past eleven days.
Some of you will remember, though, that I have a horse that has medical problems. In light of the fact that two of my sisters have died this year, I'm pretty stressed out as I have been watching her decline these past couple of weeks. She now has been diagnosed with kidney failure and is dropping weight radically. Today her eyes look vacant and she doesn't want me around, so I think we are almost at an end. The vet will be here tonight but I cannot tell you how stressful this has been. I have been trying to feed her--despite her avoidance. I've bought five different kinds of feed, cut up countless apples and carrots and still she loses weight. So I think this will be hard but since she is definitely uncomfortable, it will be for the best if the vet wants to let her go.
Success: Horses LOVE beer. Yesterday I had my husband bring home a big can of beer and mixed it into her feed. I stood there with that giant beer, cracked it open and poured it in. Phwew. She didn't want it.
Failure: I want a bottle of wine and a good cry.
I think hubby will try to shield me. He knows this is all tangled up in this awful year. I really, really tried to help her recover.
Oh well. It would definitely be a good excuse to drink. It is not a good excuse to forfeit my sobriety.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I'm really sorry Missy. I know how painful it is to say goodbye.
I really regret being drunk the few times I've said good bye to pets tho.
I feel now like I cheapened their memory or something...all because I was scared of feeling.
I know know I'm stronger than I ever thought then.
I'm sure you've been a fantastic owner, carer and friend to your horse...don't stop being one now
You can get through this, sober
D
I really regret being drunk the few times I've said good bye to pets tho.
I feel now like I cheapened their memory or something...all because I was scared of feeling.
I know know I'm stronger than I ever thought then.
I'm sure you've been a fantastic owner, carer and friend to your horse...don't stop being one now
You can get through this, sober
D
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Missy, I am very sorry about your beloved horse. Animals show us such unconditional love and share our privates lives. It is very hard to say good bye. Drinking will not make you any less sad and will add guilt / disappointment, to your grief.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
I'm so sorry your horse may be at the end of this part of your journey together. They don't stay with us long enough. Vibes to you for the strength to do what's best in a lousy sad situation, for your horse and yourself.
Thinking of you.
Thinking of you.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
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The vet just left. He went ahead and ran one more blood test to see if her levels are improving, but he doesn't think they are. He will probably come by and put her down tomorrow after the results are in. I am going to give her breakfast (what she will eat) and then leave and have my husband handle this.
Thanks for your support. I'm going to stay strong.
Thanks for your support. I'm going to stay strong.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Missy I am so sorry to hear about your horse. I'm sure you're devastated. It is heartbreaking to say good bye to a beloved pet. Please know we're all thinking of you during this difficult time.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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Thinking of you this morning.
May your horse's passing be easy and gentle, with your husband there and your vet's gentle assistance.
I can only imagine how sad you feel and I'm sorry for your pain. You've had too many losses in your family already.
My experience is that feeling grief sober is cleansing and righteous and honors our loved one.
Please know you can share and lean on SR for support during this difficult time. PM me if you'd like to talk and I'll send my cell number.
**********{Horse's Gentle Passing}}}}}
May your horse's passing be easy and gentle, with your husband there and your vet's gentle assistance.
I can only imagine how sad you feel and I'm sorry for your pain. You've had too many losses in your family already.
My experience is that feeling grief sober is cleansing and righteous and honors our loved one.
Please know you can share and lean on SR for support during this difficult time. PM me if you'd like to talk and I'll send my cell number.
**********{Horse's Gentle Passing}}}}}
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Thank you SR--and Frances, thanks.
It went fine. It's a bit of a relief to know we don't have to make that fight anymore, but it's very sad that she isn't in the world anymore. A really good horse is not an easy thing to find. And this was a really good horse.
Anyway, fourteen days and still going strong. Thank you SR
It went fine. It's a bit of a relief to know we don't have to make that fight anymore, but it's very sad that she isn't in the world anymore. A really good horse is not an easy thing to find. And this was a really good horse.
Anyway, fourteen days and still going strong. Thank you SR
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