AJD04

I sit here tonight listening to the Olympics with tears in my eyes, so ashamed of my past and the road that has led me to where I am today. I am indeed an alcoholic(have known this for 10 years, just progressively getting worse) who doesn't know which way to turn. Mom of 4 beautiful children who deserve so much more than I have been; a husband in which I have pleaded my addiction to with no remorse or actions(I know this is ME, not him). The drinking every night, up and down attitude towards my children and friends, has to stop. This is destroying my life and I know I deserve better than this, as well as my kids. I have been so close to admitting myself into rehab but with 4 kids, it is not easy. With my husband being the sole provider of everyone, I stay at home with my kids and I don't know how things will work out without mom in the picture. If I go to rehab, where are my children going to go? We have a child with special needs who has to be on a strict routine. My husband likes to sugar coat things and acts like I do not have a problem, but I disagree. What a huge trust issue when I have pleaded to him that I need help(I know, not his problem). That being..... I feel like i'm stuck. All in all, I need help...... Please!! Words of encouragement? I have tried many times to quit but once 4pm rolls around, it's back to the liquor. Dear God, there has to be a light at the end of this awful tunnel...

AJD04

One more thing...

Have any of you used Antabuse? Thought about going that route with counseling vs an inpatient program.

Dee74

Hi AJD04
Welcome back

I haven't used antabuse, no.
As I understand it's not suitable for everyone so you'll need to consult your Dr.

I looked back at your posts - did you ever get to AA at all?
Have you tried any other recovery programmes?

D

tomsteve

welp, goin thrugh some of your previous posts, threads, i think you may see just how serious this is. but the questions are: are you desperate? are you finally willing to do whatever you have to do get and stay sober( theres more to sobriety than just not drinking)? are you willing to go to any lengths, no matter what they may be? are you ready to stop making excuses for not going to an AA meeting 20 miles away? the only door to a meitng that was hard for me to open was the doors to my 1st meeting. it saved my life.

yes, i tried it. yes, i got sick on em when i drank, but it only took a few days of getting sick before the antabuse got out of my system and i could drink without em making me sick.

BlueRain

Hi AJ~ I too am a mother who realised that I had a serious problem with alcohol...I just came to a point where I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I have hurt my DH and children so much with my drinking I still can't understand how they can love me. DH even once went to the Dr. and got Antabuse for himself (me) but i refused to take it. I just didn't want to except that I had a problem last week after maybe 17 or 18 beers i was awakend by my youngest child I was lying in my hallway Dear God how long was I there? I have no idea and I knew then I never wanted anyone else in my life to see me that way and I havent had a drink since. I know it's going to be hard but it is something that I MUST DO..I stumbled on this site trying to find info on local AA meetings and it truly has been a blessing I pray that you find the strength to quit for you and your children. My best wishes to you~B

IndaMiricale

You can do anything you choose. But no excuses. Your children will be taken care of somehow and only better for you going to rehab. The will even have options for you and them.

Nothing changes if Nothing changes. You got to go reach for it, if you want it. Its hard and scary but ever so worth it. And if you really want it and do it, your children will be so proud of you and you can finally be proud of yourself. !!!! And if you get to a meeting and start talking there will be so many people that want to help you , you'll be overwhelmed.!!!!! So go.

Good love, Inda

lifewithoutbooz

My husband was on Antabuse years before I met him. Everyone reacts to it differently - he was so sensitive to it that even a rumball bitten into by accident and swallowed over the holidays set off his heart rate. That being said, he tried to get a prescription for it a few months ago only to be told it's not generally available in Canada anymore. You have to find a pharmacy that's willing to make the compound for you. I think if you choose that route, you have to fully understand what can happen if you drink while on it.

I also agree that although your situation is difficult (ie with your kids), you really have to look at the long term of what will continue to happen if you drink. My husband still won't admit either one of us has a drinking problem - he sugarcoats too. I've threatened to leave the marriage many times over and he'll quit for awhile but he stills has never said it out loud. Be strong for you and for your kids.

Pondlady

Going to an AA meeting would give you the chance to talk with people who will understand. I would also call your doctor. Get the ball rolling and things will fall into place

Inaminute

Sadly I'm in the same boat... Let me know what helps you so that I can do it too for my own kids!