Bottom falling out for ACs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Bottom falling out for ACs
Hello to all:
Well, the money has run out for my adult children and now is the time for me to stand strong (easy to say, hard to do). My 2 AS are being evicted from their apt at the end of the month. Went through sizeable amt of $$ in a matter of 3 months, which I figured would happen. One of my sons came by yesterday and wanted to store a few items in my attic. I said OK and came by, didn't ask for money, but made the comment that "we'll be living out of the car, I guess". I answered they couldn't do that on my property. Sometimes I wonder how I get my strength to even say no when dealing with them, bc I cry a river after.
I recently read "Don't Let Your Kids Kill You" by Charles Rubin as suggested in one of the threads (? Out to Lunch). It was a God send, because it kept me focused and strong. One of the stories stood out for me, when a son asked a Father for help and when refused, the son tried the old guilt trip of you'll never see your son again. The Dad then stated angrily "What son? I haven't seen him in years" kind of thing. I thought, that's right...I have not seen the kids I raised in years, just some drug invading their bodies. I have not had one phone call/conversation that was adult to adult, like "How's it going Mom". I've read enough and accepted that what was is gone, but there is nothing like seeing through the manipulations and realizing the saddness that comes with letting go.
So...I'm hanging in there, but so need to keep focused on my codependency issues. Some days are good, some days are bad. I read daily on this board, just can't sign in (IPhone is too hard to text).
Just needed to touch basis with my "real family".
Huggs,
Hope
Well, the money has run out for my adult children and now is the time for me to stand strong (easy to say, hard to do). My 2 AS are being evicted from their apt at the end of the month. Went through sizeable amt of $$ in a matter of 3 months, which I figured would happen. One of my sons came by yesterday and wanted to store a few items in my attic. I said OK and came by, didn't ask for money, but made the comment that "we'll be living out of the car, I guess". I answered they couldn't do that on my property. Sometimes I wonder how I get my strength to even say no when dealing with them, bc I cry a river after.
I recently read "Don't Let Your Kids Kill You" by Charles Rubin as suggested in one of the threads (? Out to Lunch). It was a God send, because it kept me focused and strong. One of the stories stood out for me, when a son asked a Father for help and when refused, the son tried the old guilt trip of you'll never see your son again. The Dad then stated angrily "What son? I haven't seen him in years" kind of thing. I thought, that's right...I have not seen the kids I raised in years, just some drug invading their bodies. I have not had one phone call/conversation that was adult to adult, like "How's it going Mom". I've read enough and accepted that what was is gone, but there is nothing like seeing through the manipulations and realizing the saddness that comes with letting go.
So...I'm hanging in there, but so need to keep focused on my codependency issues. Some days are good, some days are bad. I read daily on this board, just can't sign in (IPhone is too hard to text).
Just needed to touch basis with my "real family".
Huggs,
Hope
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
It's a terrific book for parents who feel the need to rescue their adult children as I did.
Remember " no" is a complete sentence. " No because..." is an invitation for negotiation. Don't go there. K?
Remember " no" is a complete sentence. " No because..." is an invitation for negotiation. Don't go there. K?
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Well, hope, you knew the day would come...and here it is. It DOES get easier with practice...just be careful or your attic will be FULL before you know it. You don't have to answer every call -- remember that, ok? (((((Hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: troupsburg,ny
Posts: 87
(hugs) do not let them suck you in with the homeless thing. I took my AS in three times in the past year. Never helped. He would say he wanted to stop living that way. He was tired of it. Nothing stopped. He has been gone this time for only 5 days and it kills me not knowing where he is, is he ok, is he eating. He has never stolen from me but the disrespect. I could not believe my son would ever treat me that way.
It does NOT help to Help.
Please try and put your kids on the back burner for a while and help yourself. It will make you strong enough to handle what ever will be coming your way.
I have only been coming here for a few days and it has helped me so much. I am starting to feel stronger. I am starting to feel I CAN say no without feeling guilty.
It does NOT help to Help.
Please try and put your kids on the back burner for a while and help yourself. It will make you strong enough to handle what ever will be coming your way.
I have only been coming here for a few days and it has helped me so much. I am starting to feel stronger. I am starting to feel I CAN say no without feeling guilty.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by hope2be 
Hello to all:
Well, the money has run out for my adult children and now is the time for me to stand strong (easy to say, hard to do). My 2 AS are being evicted from their apt at the end of the month. Went through sizeable amt of $$ in a matter of 3 months, which I figured would happen. One of my sons came by yesterday and wanted to store a few items in my attic. I said OK and came by, didn't ask for money, but made the comment that "we'll be living out of the car, I guess". I answered they couldn't do that on my property.
Well, the money has run out for my adult children and now is the time for me to stand strong (easy to say, hard to do). My 2 AS are being evicted from their apt at the end of the month. Went through sizeable amt of $$ in a matter of 3 months, which I figured would happen. One of my sons came by yesterday and wanted to store a few items in my attic. I said OK and came by, didn't ask for money, but made the comment that "we'll be living out of the car, I guess". I answered they couldn't do that on my property.
Try to make sure you have some "you" time each day...it will help you replenish your spirit during the days ahead - a walk in the woods, a visit with a friend, a trashy novel, a massage, uninterrupted time with a ripe peach - whatever you find healing.
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
((Hope)) Our kids can and will kill us. The mama in me says "I don't care. I'd rather not live than have my son an addict on the streets". The rational part of me says "My son is going to be an addict on the street regardless of whether I live or die". The hopeful part of me says "Helping hasn't helped, so maybe not helping will help". Crazy, isn't it?
You are doing well. I love that comment about if you live in your car, it won't be on my property! That was really good! Much better than saying "Come on home, honey."
I draw strength of posts like yours.
You are doing well. I love that comment about if you live in your car, it won't be on my property! That was really good! Much better than saying "Come on home, honey."
I draw strength of posts like yours.
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