pixilation

Yesterday i made out a grocery list, and i put beer on it, thinking i would pick up a six pack(too last me the next few months, but i digress)My 10 yo saw the list and said to me, " mom, please don't drink beer" and he got a really worried look on his face. Now i feel guilty for even thinking about having a drink

suki44883

Awwww, that is sad. But it is understandable. Bless his heart.

ConeyIslandHigh

At least you were just THINKING!

You should feel great that you didn't!

pixilation

I know it's understandable, i guess even though i knew his father's drinking has affected him, it wasn't until that statement that i realized how deeply.

suki44883

Kids are like little sponges. They absorb so much more than we realize.

Bobbyg

Wow I can relate, my 5 yr old daughter is always like mommy bought another bottle at jewel today. a 5 year old should know what Vodka is.

outonalimb

Yes...that is sad. poor little munchkins. they are so sweet. thank God your son has you...a stable, loving adult...in his corner. And thank God that he can express his concerns to you like that. Give him an extra hug tonight...okay? and hugs to you too...

Mary

pixilation

Thanks, i am happy that I've been able to instill that much trust in him, that he knows he can say things like that to me and not have to worry about me being angry about it(like his father would be).

Tuffgirl

Ok - this one got me!

:rotfxko

keepfinding2

That equates to two beers per month. For me, a few months worth of beer would have been a truck load.

pixilation

Oh, same with stbx, plus he always drank the cheap stuff, when I do drink beer I'm a snob about it. Lol It had been a long, hot week at work(no ac out on the floor where i work, fans can only do so much) and a beer sounded good to me. I will respect my son's wishes and not do it though.

Learn2Live

Research has shown that it is better for children to see their parent imbibe alcohol moderately, that is, having one glass of wine with dinner and then no more, for example. Having a drink and purposely not driving. Your X has taught your child drinking behavior. Your child will mirror that behavior when he is introduced to alcohol, most likely by his very young friends who will also teach and model poor consumption habits for your son.

Although I think it is wonderful that you are willing to abstain from drinking or bringing beer into the house, perhaps you could research this a little more and learn what are the healthy ways to model drinking alcohol for your son. And talk to him about it. I don't know how it has been in your household, but growing up in an alcoholic home there was often a refrigerator with no food and no milk there but plenty of cans of beer. When I was in my 20s, it was the same in my house. Pizza boxes and a refrigerator stocked with beer in the produce drawers. I began drinking when I was about 13 and drank the way my friends drank. In my 20s I drank the way my dad drank. I didn't know any better. Now I do. But it took a long time to get here and I am still fighting it.

pixilation

See, ithought about that too, how i would prefer him to see how to drink responsibly. I think he may just not be ready yet.

Learn2Live

It may be that seeing the beer cans or the beer bottles in the house brings back bad feelings for him. I can't blame him for not wanting to see it in the house. I still can't see a can without having a funny feeling, especially if it's red, white and blue in color. Or people drinking outside with those coozies, even if it's around a can of coke.

If and when you're ready, make it different than what he is used to seeing. If the X always drank out of cans or bottles, be dignified about it and go out to a nicer restaurant and order a glass of wine. Don't hang out at parties drinking with him there. Especially, IMO, with those plastic cups everyone drinks at parties.

Did you know that the most common injury college kids get treated for is broken front teeth? Because they drink alcohol out of glasses and get so drunk they bust their teeth.

lillamy

That's probably true, for kids in normal families. Maybe not for kids who have seen their father puke in the kitchen sink and pee the bed after downing a bottle of vodka. I know my kids are the same way -- alcohol makes them nervous. Heck, alcohol makes me nervous.

It's great that he was able to express that to you, pixi. And great that you responded. Good job, mom.

lizatola

He may not be. My ds is 13 and he has made comments about dad's drinking since the DUI and he knows I have a glass of wine every so often. I feel that I can teach him that some adults can drink responsibly. I never drink and drive and he knows that, he trusts that I won't touch alcohol if I am going to get behind the wheel and he never sees me have more than 1 glass(well, I never have more than 1 glass anyway, LOL). I make sure that I don't buy alcohol behind his back, he sees me get it at the grocery store, and sees it in the fridge. There is no hiding, like his dad does.

I drink about 1-2 glasses of wine a week, usually after dinner and if it's hot and I just want something sweet. I buy Moscato wine and find the ones that are lower in alcohol, too. Anyway, I have talked to my son about his paternal family's issues with alcohol, I've warned him about how it needs to be respected, and how easy it can be abused. I also told him that if he's ever uncomfortable around anyone's drinking, including my own, that he is welcome to talk about how he's feeling.

For a 5 year old, these kind of conversations probably can't happen, though. Kids see and know more than we think so I make sure we communicate on a regular basis about all this stuff: drinking, drugs, the girl stuff, and cigarettes. Oh, and internet predators, online safety, etc. Our kids are bombarded enough as it is, it's not an easy time to raise kids in this technology generation!

Learn2Live

I think it's all kids. It's how it gets passed down from generation to generation. Not to mention that we inherit the "alcoholic gene." I grew up in an alcoholic family and watched my father do the most atrocious things, especially fighting with my brothers. Severe neglect and abuse all the way around. And I still drank like him. I knew I never wanted to BE like him and be neglectful and abusive, but I did not realize that that behavior was caused by the drinking. Looking back, I believe I likely did not understand my father's alcoholic behavior until I was in my late 30s/early 40s.