Derek12261984

Hi,

I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Derek and I have known most of my life that I am an addict. Thus far in my endeavors I have been unable to kick the habit of booze and/or drugs. I have heard the saying that everyone picks their own poison, but for me all poisons are equal. I started out drinking, moved on to pot, and have progressed further into benzo's and opiates. My addiction doesn't really demand any one thing, as long as there is SOMETHING. I am starting AA meetings next week, but I thought a little extra help from anyone could do me good. The last time I took anything was yesterday, I have wanted to stop for a long time but it wasn't until after a long hard talk with my wife that I am finally ready to change my life. If anyone has any tips or advice for a newcomer please feel free to respond.

Thank you all so much for letting me be a part of this community... Derek

Hexipuff

Hi Derek

Welcome to SR and congratulations on taking your decision

You will find lots of useful information here on the forum and meet loads of lovely people who are so supportive and caring.

Please do not hesitate to ask any questions you would like - I and all the other forum members will be happy to share our experiences with you and hear your points of view

Take care and please stay around with us

DisplacedGRITS

i Derek. i'm an alcoholic but i did dabble in other things. i was addicted to Ambien for 2-3 years and i would take pain pills as i came across them and pot when it was offered. i never progressed to anything really hard but if it was easy i was game. when i decided to really quit drinking i found the most helpful piece of advice was this: don't drink today. don't worry about tomorrow or the day after or the day after that. just make it through the next hour, the hour after that until it becomes the day. then do it again when you wake up. when the cravings hit, don't sit and stew in your head. go for a walk, read a book, color, post on SR, go to a meeting...just break out of that cyclical thinking. do anything but what you used to do. don't go to the store just to see if you can not buy alcohol. don't test yourself. ever. don't pretend that moderation is an option. for most of us, it's an illusion. a fantasy. we have power over alcohol. that power is the power to not take that first drink. after that first drink, we are lost. the alcoholic voice in our head has the power then and we return to the jaws of The Beast. keep your head down and focus on the road directly in front of you and do not drink today. it's a hard road but a wonderful journey and you never walk it alone. welcome to SR!

Derek12261984

Thank you so much. Moderation has definitely been an illusion in my mind. I think that is why I jumped from alcohol to drugs. I thought I would be better able to control the beast in my mind that demands payment. I just really want to beat this thing. Thank you both for your kind words.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Derek

Awesome name - (mine too lol)
glad to have you with us

D

Derek12261984

I'm glad to be here, and am great full for the responses. I had no idea how much of a burden I have been carrying with me till I started to share with others. I have a question for all of you. My biggest regret with my addiction issue has been the amount of pain I have caused others to endure. It is literally eating me up inside. I am an extremely empathetic person, and I want to do right by those who I have wronged. How do I even start?

DisplacedGRITS

start with yourself. you've hurt others but you've hurt yourself a lot too. the first thing you can do to make it up to others is to work on your sobriety and get a really solid footing on it. i wouldn't even begin to start trying to make amends until you've got a solid couple of months under your belt. that shows a real willingness to work on your problem and any amends you make will have your sobriety to back them up. by then, you'll have a clearer head and more time to think about how best to approach people. for me, letting people know about my problem and that i've made this drastic change for the good in my life was enough. i apologized for my actions, told them there was no excuse for what i did and that i was turning my life around and that i had a real grasp on sobriety and was continuing on with it. and that i was truly happy for the first time in a long time. when people here that you are fighting something like this and that you yourself made this decision, they tend to respect it and even admire you. some people may not and may harbor ill feelings. some people may never forgive you. we have to accept that as well. we cannot change people. we can only change ourselves and hope that others see that and accept it as a positive.

Hevyn

Welcome Derek! I felt a huge relief when I joined, too. No one else really understood what I was going through. My anxiety level was lessened just by meeting people who got me. We're so glad you found us.

My guilt and remorse were destroying my chances of quitting when I joined here. Dee (our other Derek) helped me to see that I was sabotaging my chances of recovery by staying stuck in the past. Please try to forgive yourself for things you never intended to happen - things you did when you were that other person - the addict. The sober me bears no resemblance to the drunk me. People in my life finally realize that. Be kind and patient with yourself. Of course we can't and shouldn't entirely forget where we've come from, but in order to recover we have to put it in perspective.

You can do this, Derek. You sound ready.

neferkamichael

Ditto Derek. all those poions are equally bad. Welcome to SR.

lifewithoutbooz

Hi Derek! Welcome aboard! It's awesome you've decided to quit and I agree with the others - focus on caring for yourself first- it's the best way to show people you've hurt that you want to make amends and they'll accept and appreciate it beyond your imagination. If/when the time comes that you need to speak with these people in more depth about what happened, then that will come in time - don't try and accomplish everything in the first day(s). Just focus on yourself day by day (for me it was literally minute by minute the first few days) and things will fall into place. You'll see.

So glad you're here!

Derek12261984

Thank you all so much. I will take your advice to heart, and start out by working on myself.

Anna

Hi Derek,

Welcome!

Guilt and shame were huge problems for me too. Journalling helped me to deal with the negative feelings. I also learned that I needed to start to forgive myself for my mistakes. I could always forgive other people, so why not me too?

Derek12261984

Thank you Anna, I think that is one of my biggest hurdles. I tend to easily forgive others but can rarely forgive myself.

debsam

Welcome Derek,

I know you're looking for a little support, but you'll get more than a little here at SR

Carrying around so much guilt does nothing to serve us well...it's just too overwhelming and can hinder our efforts to move forward. You know what I mean?

It would be really great if you could allow yourself...give yourself to permission to feel good about reaching out to SR today? You've taken a great step...I hope you can do that.

Great to have you with us Derek

Big welcome hugs

Derek12261984

So I'm on day 3 of sobriety. I woke up feeling really great this morning. I don't know how long that will last but for the first time in my life I actually feel really resolute to stop this madness. Thank you again to everyone for their kind words.

PaperDolls

Congrats on 3 day sober. That's great!

Great advice given here.

Why wait until next week to go to AA? AA is what helped me deal with all of the guilt and shame I had (among other things).

Glad you found SR. It's been a huge part of my recovery journey.

lifewithoutbooz

Congrats on 3 days sober, Derek!

ZiggyB

One thing that seems to be helping me is to write down a list of all the reasons I want to be sober and then I stuck that on the refrigerator so I can look at it every day. Here's what's on my list:

• More positive and stable mood
• Better health
• More energy
• Might lose some weight
• Not feeling sick
• Not calling in sick to work due to a hangover
• Being a better friend
• Have better relationships
• Work on personal goals
• Sleep better
• Be emotionally stable
• Not doing or saying things I may later regret

HeWhoSleeps

Suggestions for success: Post Post POST here.
Practice HONESTY when you post NO MATTER WHAT.
Go to meetings every day if possible.
Post Post Post Post POST.

Sentso

Welcome Derek!

Great idea ZiggyB, thanks.