lurkings

Could someone give me some info on this?

Also would an intrusive thought be considered like... Driving down the road and imagining what would happen in your drove straight ahead into the on comming viehicle and actually seeing it in your head?

DolphinBlue

Lurkings,

MG is the best source of info on this, I just wanted to say that I'm interested in this as well.

I have a lot of those intrusive thoughts, especially while driving, but thought that this might be because of the car accidents I've been in. I guess it could be OCD as well but not sure.

Hope you don't mind me jumping in on your thread!

Amy

Morning Glory

That would be an intrusive thought. I have them too when I drive. Mine is usually about driving off a bridge though. The thought comes and then we obsess on it and then it turns to anxiety and fear.

Intrusive thoughts can be anything like that. Jumping off a building, running in front of traffic, fear of being suicidal, fear of terminal diseases, fear of harming someone else, fear of dying if you fall asleep, etc....

The best thing we can do is take the power away from the thought when we first have it by recognizing that it's just a thought and letting it go. That takes practice.

lurkings

~Morning Glory,
I was talking to someone a while ago about this,not my counselor or anyone like that, but it wasn't anything with PTSD... So I didn't know that was associated with it. I ave been afraid to talk about it with my counselor because I didn't want her to think I was suicidal and call some place to have me baker-acted. Maybe I should bring this up to her next time so she knows about it.

I actualy have lots about bridges because I go over them a lot. The one I have most often is if the guard rails would really keep my car from falling onto the highway below me... Also driving into lakes. I see a lot of those to. I can imagine the whole sene. Then there are ones where I get mad and I will imagine punching holes through trees and pushing people and yelling at people. Or just dustroying things in general...

Have yours been so vivid that you have thought something happened or like it was a reality? Or when your driving and you don't remember how you got to where you are? This is starting to explain a lot of things but freak me out to.

Another question... I have this memory but I don't know of it is real or made up... What do I do about that? I think it is made up but I am not sure.

This site has really been a source of knowledge for me.

Morning Glory

I am also very cautious with counselors. I think if I were in your situation I would ask her to explain intrusive thoughts to you. If she doesn't give a good explanation then I might not say anything either.

Creative people have very vivid flashbacks and very vivid intrusive thoughts. I'm not that creative so mine were pretty boring and to the point. My intrusive thoughts manifest themselves in fear and worry. I will run a whole scene through my mind too. Usually it is of someone I care about in an awful situation. I am learning to stop myself from doing it. I used to just go with it because I wasn't even aware of what I was doing. Now I force myself to refocus and think of something else. An antidepressant can help with this too.

My memories came in pieces and were very organized and built on each piece until they were complete. My daughter on the other hand is a very creative person and her memories were all over the place. We don't know whether all of her memories are accurate, but in my opinion it doesn't matter if they are accurate. I think the only time it would matter is if you were accusing someone of something or if it was very important because it was a memory of a family member and you really wanted to be sure if it was true. The one thing I do know though is that those memories are usually accompanied by extreme emotion. The fear and the pain is what caused us to bury them in the first place. When we remember what happened we also have the emotional memory that went with the event.

I'd have to know what you mean by driving and not remembering how you got where you are. I can drive and be in such thought that when I come back to reality I realize I've gone a long way without thinking about it. I was always aware I was driving though. If you mean that you have actually lost blocks of time that you can't even remember being in the car then that would be different. That could be disassociation.

Please remember that everything I say here is from personal experience and I'm not a therapist. I can only speak from what I've been through and the research I've done on my own. The good thing about that is I have first hand experience of how awful it is to go through all of this stuff. It is so much harder than it sounds.

Hugs,
MG

lurkings

~Morning Glory,
Don't worry... I am not using you as an alternate therapist. Its is just like trying to solve a mystery. I have a lead and now I am trying to put some pieces together. I have always felt like I was so much different than other people. I don't have a lot of friends because I don't let them in. Now I am finding out I am different and just facing everything I have tried not to for so long... Just a little scary.

I am however, trying to learn... I have been doing my own research and stuff trying to understand. I am kind of mad at my parents for not noticing things when I was little. Why didn't they take more notice?

I am tired of thinking wierd things and sometimes doing wierd things. Its as if I am trapped in a body that has been stuck some place in time and hasn't quite made it to the here and now... A scared little girl just trapped in the adult body.

I am just so mad right now! I just want to know why my parents didn't notice how different I was... There were plenty of signs! Why didn't I know?

Driving in the car I think could just be me lost in thought and not even realizing it. I don't always remember what I am thinking about though.

Morning Glory

I was a scared little girl trapped in an adult body. The great part is that the adult part of me was there to help the scared little girl through it. My HP was there too and I hung on for dear life.

We got through it and you will too. It's really hard though. Like child birth. Really like child birth. Pains and pains and you think you will never finish. Then suddenly you reach the end and the pains are gone. Then you just have to heal and rest and rebuild.

I am very different from everyone else. It used to really bother me. I have a really hard time finding friends because I just don't relate to many people. I've learned to appreciate my differences more. I've learned to enjoy my own company.

Anger is a part of the process. It's good to let the anger out and then get back to being responsible for what now belongs to us. Grief is a part of it too.

I can't say enough that everything you are going through is a normal reaction to trauma. I am very familiar with everything you've talked about. The intrusive thoughts were the last thing to get better in my case. They were the lingering effect of what I had been through. I still have them, but they are so so so much better now.

Talking about it is the best medicine. So keep talking.

We're always here to listen.

Hugs,
MG

lurkings

~Morning Glory,
I just read a book not too long ago called, "Unlocking the Secrets to you Childhood memories." Then there are these other books I have read and they all say don't blame your parents and I remember thinking... Blaming them for what? Now I understand.

What is a HP?

How long did/has it taken you?

I don't think my counselor will over react if I told her some of the thoughts I am having. Atleast that way I can make sure she knows it too... I had to fill out a paper and one of the things I had to comment on was thoughts of death. So I guess she is already kind of aware... I just want to make sure that I address it. She is the first person, in person, I have been open and honest with. Other people I just change the story just because I don't want them to know.

I am mad at the fact that my parents didn't notice anything... When you are in fourth grade drawing pictures of people dying and getting D's and F's from A's... There has to be something going on... And no something that I tell people but when you are having "accidents" in your pants well past the age you should be that is another sign. So many other things... I know that when I need something my parents will be there for me. I know they care and love me...

Have you had issues with touch? I can't stand to be touched or held or anything... I hope that will get better.

Morning Glory

HP is the abbreviation for Higher Power. I use it here because people have different higher powers that they have chosen.

I can tell you that parents had no idea about any of these warnings signs. They did not have the knowledge or training to recognize these kinds of signs in children or themselves for that matter

It takes different people different amounts of time to get through this. It took me 5 years of remembering before I got through it. It only took my daughter one year. It's really different for everyone.

Abuse can make you not want to be touched. The opposite side of the coin is the need to be toughed and sexual addiction. If you've known your counselor for a long time and trust her then I would tell her all about your intrusive thoughts. Keeping secrets just makes all of this worse.

lurkings

~Morning Glory,
I was never personaly physically abused but I was a whitness of sever domestic violence for about six months when I lived with someone else. There were also five different cases of sexual assault including one by a family member and one that I haven't told my therapist yet (so she knows about four). A threat on my life for a period of three months and one of my friends was murdered (she doesn't know about my friend).

Yeah, I guess your right about the warning signs. I guess it is just displacement. There is nothing they can do about it now and possible nothing they could do about it then. I guess the truth is that I am handeling it now and getting the help I need so I will be fine right? Even saying that doesn't make the anger go away... I am so tired of being angry and not able to place it some where. What am I angry at?

If you asked your therapist about intrusive thoughts what do you think would be a good answer vs a bad one? I am not sure I will ask her... I might... I might just explain how I am feeling to make sure she knows that these aren't applied thoughts...

Morning Glory

The symptoms you described as a child might indicate that you may have been sexually abused yourself and maybe don't remember it. That would also be why you don't like being touched now. That is not set in stone, but may be a real possibility. I didn't remember my sexual abuse until I was about 35 years old. I was raped as a child and I would have sworn that I wasn't until I remembered.

Your anger is connected to something and you'll figure it all out. It's just going to take time. I'm still working through some anger myself. I don't know what it's from either.

Does your counselor specialize in truama and PTSD? If she has a lot of experience with PTSD then she will know about intrusive thoughts. Test the waters with something small.

Hugs,
MG

steve4432

Hi ladies, Great topic that I dont see getting enough air time in the recovery realm,What are thoughts but a series of electrical,chemical responses to stimuli? That we give power and magnitude to by sending them through a matrix of an independent belief system.

No two belief systoms are the same because they are a network of experiences that is impossable to duplicate,how ever advertising agencies can tell you the benifits of sex sells because if they add a little spice to there product it plays over and over in the publics minds eye.

Trauma also latches to this process, So does positive experiences.
I herd a conservitive preacher once say in a sermon that they are just thoughts that are not acted apon but need to be checked on a continuing basis why even preachers have thoughts that would shame the devil.

What makes them intrusive is the validity we give them if we validate some thing we give it value you have herd a million times some one say for what its worth........... And for the life of you you can never remember what that person said to finish the statement because it was free it didnt cost us anything we didnt put any value in it and he was probably your brother inlaw.

There is what they call a trauma outcome process which is a series of costs that we have paid through pain, euphoria, sex, survival, to put it in one word. In essance we can do an excersise on our own with little training to turn any intrusive thought to a small notion and we do this by letting go and understand we are no longer victims trauma 101 get out of the drama. And dont validate the thought add new and uplifting thoughts and experiences and stay away from people who want to drag us down the sinics and doom sayers of the world it takes time to change a belief system but little by little the recovery building blocks will soon show a good foundation in which to erect the life we call home sure and serene. Love ya .........(((((HUGS))))))
Stevie

Morning Glory

Thanks Steve.

We're going to have to just keep you around.

I wish I could figure out how to give the good thoughts such power.

steve4432

Look inside Mg the power that is in you is greater than that which is in the world you know where the deception stems, then drives its roots dont let them take hold.
Love ya ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) Steve