Help with grieving
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ny/nj
Posts: 182
Help with grieving
Hi, all,
I've been posting on and off for a few years relative to my relationship with my AXF. We split for good in Feb of this year, and while I know it is for the best, it has been a bumpy ride.
It's the 30 year anniversary of my alcoholic father's death this coming October.
At the time of his death, I had cut off all contact with him for 10 years. I thought I had made my peace in therapy over the years.
Now I think, maybe not. Why else spend 20 years in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable, moody, childish alcoholic. I think I totally created an idealized version of a man who would quit drinking for me. My XAF did stop drinking for 5 years, but no program.
So, I'm grieving now. Not sure exactly what I'm grieving, but it still hurts. Several SR members referenced Melodie Beattie's book "The Grief Club". I wasn't crazy about "Codependent No More", but I thought, what the hell.
I'd like to state that it is one of the single most useful books I have read on dealing with losses of all kinds.
Big thanks to all who recommended it. I now wholeheartedly recommend it. Along with therapy, Al-anon, yada yada yada.
Wish me well as I struggle to find a new normal. I will truly be a different person when I come out the other side of this.
I've been posting on and off for a few years relative to my relationship with my AXF. We split for good in Feb of this year, and while I know it is for the best, it has been a bumpy ride.
It's the 30 year anniversary of my alcoholic father's death this coming October.
At the time of his death, I had cut off all contact with him for 10 years. I thought I had made my peace in therapy over the years.
Now I think, maybe not. Why else spend 20 years in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable, moody, childish alcoholic. I think I totally created an idealized version of a man who would quit drinking for me. My XAF did stop drinking for 5 years, but no program.
So, I'm grieving now. Not sure exactly what I'm grieving, but it still hurts. Several SR members referenced Melodie Beattie's book "The Grief Club". I wasn't crazy about "Codependent No More", but I thought, what the hell.
I'd like to state that it is one of the single most useful books I have read on dealing with losses of all kinds.
Big thanks to all who recommended it. I now wholeheartedly recommend it. Along with therapy, Al-anon, yada yada yada.
Wish me well as I struggle to find a new normal. I will truly be a different person when I come out the other side of this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I have a copy of the book on my side desk, right now. I agree that it is the best grief book for those who are hurting. It covers all sorts of loss, not just death (it covers that, also). I highly recommend it for anyone who is hurting and think that there can be no comfort or no hope.
dandilion
dandilion
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