Mitten2012

It's so much harder to let go when your not as angry anymore. My AH and i have decided to take an indefinite break so he can focus on his recovery. 2 weeks ago I would not even considered letting him back in my life let alone a conversation about "when" he should come home. *

Somewhere over the past week I was able to let go of a lot of the anger, and was ready to try and work together thru this, but the realization that I can't help him with this and it's not going to get better for some time has hit me hard, I've been doing a lot of crying, and feel like I'm grieving for our lost relationship, I don't know if we will ever find our way back to each other. It's just so much harder dealing with this when I'm not brazen mad. Feeling very exposed and emotional, guess I can really start working on "me" now.*

thislittlelight

Hi Mitten. You chose a good word to describe how you are feeling - grief. Because you are experiencing a loss. Isn't it funny how our feelings can change even from minute to minute? Go ahead and have a good cry. Tears cleanse the soul. And when you're done, do something just for you to help you. I like to talk to friends who know my situation. Sometimes talking to a therapist who can be totally objective helps, or a Pastor or other type of clergy. Ala-Non, or a Recovery or Grief Ministry at a church are also options. God is in control and you can take rest and comfort from that fact. You are not alone and you don't have to take all the burden. At this point, there is no way to know if/when you will continue this relationship. I would encourage you to not make any major life decisions right now, you're too emotional and upset and when I am like that I tend to make the wrong choice every time. Take time to think, pray, get advice from those you trust and value. Sounds like your guy is making a good decision. He has to focus on himself and his recovery right now. Give him that time, but at the same time keep moving forward! God Bless.

Mitten2012

Thank you!

HopefulGF65

I felt exactly as you just described. My situation is my exabf. It was always easier when I was angry because I didn't have to feel anything else and anger didn't (usually) bring me to tears. But once I asked for a break, which ultimately led to us splitting, the grieving set in and then there were new tears. While it was so sad, I knew it was the right decision, but it was as if I was going through my own withdrawals. When he moved out, I had a solid week of no contact and I can honestly say it was the best week I've had in a long time because I re-learned what is was like to listen to ME and what I wanted.

Unfortunately, we all have to go through this process to get to the part where we find ourselves again. And this is when you work and work hard on becoming a stronger and happier you so if you and your husband do ever get back together, you will have the tools to walk away immediately and not tolerate what is intolerable.

It is a long journey but it is worth it. :-)

ED1969

Take care of yourself and keep that focus on yourself...I remember that you commented on my thread a few weeks ago about being in close to the same place as I was- newly separated from a spouse who was in the earliest stages of a recovery attempt. I, too have moved from a certain amount of anger to sadness and the unknown is just about one of the hardest aspects of this entire process now. I'm on the right path for me, and my AW is making strides with her recovery that I have been able to observe instead of hear about, so with that comes a little extra hope. Only problem is that hope can turn to expectations which really need to be left out of the equation for now. It's a tough game to manage. Each of us recovering is hard enough for us individually, but throwing the separation on top of it seems to have added a tremendous load for me. She's able to put it in perspective from her standpoint by simply saying "My recovery must come before everything else in my life right now", but I can't seem to make that apply to myself in my situation.