EXM6

I'm 47 days in and I really want to drink.
I woke up in a bad mood, and I sort of predicted this would happen. I was in a great mood for a few weeks and had a lot coming up, a lot to look forward to. Now all I have is silence. My homeless date is looming; I still have to pack all of our things and figure out what I am doing, where we are going. My court date for assaulting a taxi driver is next week and I really don't know how to approach that. I haven't been working because I lost my job. I hate not working, I can't even remember the last time I didn't work. It's wearing on me. There is no point in seeking employment however, because I still have my rehab date coming up.

I received a text from a friend I am visiting tonight saying "Are you drinking these days? I have wine if you are-- no worries if you aren't!" I so desperately wanted to say "YES, I'M DRINKING!" Go to her house, drink the wine... with plans to come home, drink some more wine... Do it again tomorrow. Waiting for something to happen.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, I know, despite the really ****** state of my life right now-- I have a lot of really great things. I have an amazing daughter and we have a fabulous relationship. We have our health. I have a fantastic circle of friends. The list goes on. Regardless, I just want to drink.

Thanks for listening.

IndaMiricale

Sorry for all those up coming things, Prayers sent your way. I sure hope you think it threw and stay sober just for today.

Sapling

Find the ones that don't drink and give them a call...Not the one that called you. If you've never been to an AA meeting....It might not be a bad time to try something different...All these things that are coming up...Are just that...Things that are coming up...Drinking won't make them go away or make them any better. Hang on to what you have...For you...And your daughter.

TTBABP

I would love to go home and open a bottle of wine and just sit and relax and get out of my own head. I am trying to remember how I am going to feel all day tomorrow if I follow through with that plan.

Hopefully, those thoughts will get me through tonight whout a drink. Maybe you can do the same. You are so much further in than I - I'm really pulling for you. Good luck

2granddaughters

You sound like an alcoholic like I am.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

SASA

I really know how you feel.but beleive me drinking does not help with anything. If you drink you will get no job, you will have not packed your belongings and you will ruin your health in the long term. I know it is hard, and I had to learn it so many times over and over, drinking does not change anything, it just makes people feel worse afterwards....

heathersweeds

I remember how hard it is in the begining. Especially when you have to deal with legal issues and mandatory outpatient rehab. I moved too in the first month of sobriety. I stayed sober minute to minute sometimes. I did a lot of AA meetings. Walked the local Walmart. I also thought of the ugliness I did and how it would go right back there if I picked up one drink. I drove in a blackout with my son in the car and I know I wouldn't be as lucky the next time. I hurt a lot of people when I drank. My big mouth got out of hand. Nobody wanted to be around me anymore and I felt so stagnent. I felt so much anxiety that I hadn't learned anything new in years. All I was using my brain for was to soak it with alcohol.

It is tough in the begining because we are so used to instant gratification. Hang on a little longer. I rarely think of a drink today. When I do, I run to an AA meeting and call my sponcor. Most of the time it's my warped thinking that shows up. You can do this! Just because you want a drink doesn't mean you have failed. It usually means your uncomfortable with a current situation. You get much better with it in time. I promise!!!

Dee74

One of the things I missed for a long time was the respite I used to seek from drinking...but truth be told I lost that even before I stopped drinking....

you know that old joke...'I tried to drown my sorrows...but turns out they could swim...'

that's was where my drinking was at the end. I suspect you might be the same?

It didn't stop me being scared tho - I was scared of stuff that was going to happen, I was scared of stuff that had happened and hadn't caught up to me yet...I was a ball of fear...

Drinking just added to that weight...and gave me more things to worry about and want to run away from..It was a classic vicious circle.

It was tough but I learned to face that fear sober...and I learned that all that extra worrying and stressing I used to do added absolutely nothing to the outcome...

I also found that 99.9% of my fears were either groundless or nowhere near as bad as I thought they were.

I know you have a lot of worries and stresses right now EXM but I know you can face them and get them through them sober.

You have a ton of support here to help you as well

Don't drink and add to the weight.

D

RobbyRobot

Way awesome on your 47 days into your journey. I'm sorry right now is tough going. Not every day is a great day when we feel like drinking is still an option. I always hated those days, of course. You're still early in your sans-alcohol journey, and I want to say believe me, it really does become easier, and the alcoholic want to drink does end. We are not forever fighting against ourselves to not drink.

More drinking however, as we all have experienced, only makes quitting all the harder, and we still have to quit anyways later, or drinking again takes our life into the toilet.

The future right now looks rotten, and there is little that can be done about everything in one day, even though we all wish we could, we just can't, and so alcohol gives us that oblivion that we can only get with drinking.

That oblivion is a false experience, of course. We can't stay drunk without dire consequences, making things even worse, has always been my experience.

Again, way awesome on your achievement. Good on you for reaching out. Things will get so much better.

DisplacedGRITS

When i get caught up in all the crap going on in my life (looming house foreclosure is the main thing right now) and the drink calls to me i remind myself that drinking never solved any of my problems. It never even delayed them. It compounded them. Turned small problems into big problems and made problems where no problems existed. Sobriety can be a b*tch in that we are forced to face all the difficulties in our lives wit crystal clarity and we often don't have the answers but drinking dosen't give us the answers. It dulls us, makes us fools and in the end we have to face life anyways. Better to face it head on with all of out facilities intact. Hold your head up high. Life can throw a lot at you but no one has the power to take away your sobriety. That power is yours and your alone.

Fandy

play the tape through to the end...yes, i know it's cliche...but think really THINK it through....

all the craptastic feelings are going to hit you square in the face tomorrow if you drink along with a big gulp of depression and remorse, it could snowball.

i'm not going to feed you a line "go to a meeting", but i'm going to tell you that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days (thank you Dear Ann).

you CAN get through the bad feelings tonight. please try to focus on the positive. please feel free to join us both in gratitude (and whining in humor)

hypochondriac

It's amazing how we think that if we could just drink then everything would be okay, when alcohol was actually at the root of most of our problems anyway.

But then it takes time to learn new coping strategies.

I'm sorry you have so much **** coming up EXM6. But nothing is worth giving up those 47 days, and you will come out the other side stronger for keeping your commitment.

I hope everything goes okay for you x

Inca

Having to start over is not worth it. You have 47 days which is quite an accomplishment! Stay strong and let the urge pass....better yet, call someone sober and talk through it.

artsoul

Good thinking.....Gratitude helped me get through some of the toughest times.

You really are doing great to get through this sober. Remember, it's all about taking things one day at a time. Every day sober is another step closer to the life you want. Hang in there!:ghug3

EXM6

Seriously, I can't say it enough. You guys are truly amazing. The advice you give, the stories you share -- it all really hits home.

I DID end up going to my friend's house and they drank tea with me, never pulling out the wine or asking if I wanted to reconsider. We watched movies and my daughter hung out with their daughter. It was a really good night.

It was really awesome to come back to all these responses. I really needed this. Thank you so much!

Fandy

i am so glad that you met the problem, and found the support you needed. tackling difficult situations in life isn't a cakewalk, but doing it sober means less stress and more logical thinking.

you have good friends too!