saynotodrugs

My boyfriend is truly pissing me the **** off I want to scream! I wish I can just shake him until he gets his wits back! I just find quitting to be an easy concept. Stay away from cocaine, and bam you are done! He is not himself anymore! He is so depressed, and lifeless! He has no personality, and he just pisses me off all the time!

He has the audacity to basically blame me for his suffering due to the lack of drugs he is using. He said that he is doing this for me, and that if it weren't for me, he'd be using right now. I finally just told him, "you know what I honestly don't care anymore. Do whatever you want."

And I blame him for my suffering! I have my own issues. I suffer from depression, and he has always been my guy to go to. Always made me happy, and appeased me. I guess I am selfish, but I want him back! He always knew what to say, and held me when I felt sad He now can't do that!

I am the type of girl that I want to be the most important thing in my man's life. That he would do anything to make me happy. That obviously is not the case anymore since he rather have drugs than have me happy

Drugs are a yucky thing, and I hate the people who made them -__-

FindingErica

Addicts play he blame game very well. My AH can't accept full responsibility for anything. He went without speaking to me for 3 days because he got a speeding ticket. It was my fault because I was a nag. At least you are learning while you are still young, learn to be healthy now so later on you can find someone to have a future with.

incitingsilence

The question could be asked as this…

Are they selfish or are we expecting them to be someone that aren’t capable of being?


First there is no stopping for you, he has to stop for him and will when he is ready, on his time line, no one but his.
And why would you take the blame, but then why did you set yourself up to be that blame?

Happiness is from within, if you aren’t happy it has to do with you not him.

And he doesn’t love drugs more than you … and there is no just stop, even if in the end that is what they might have to do, they have to find that by running it all out. If you want him to get well then allow him to. Let him run it out, let him do it all his way, that is how we learn. Don’t enable, don’t fix his mistakes, don’t protect him from his addiction, let him feel it. And if you don’t like him using then you need to remove yourself not expect him to just stop as if that would fix anything.

The problem runs deeper than the drug, the drug is a symptom of the disease…

And the best thing we can do for ourselves for the addicts in our lives that we care for is to let them go and work on us, just on us.

Get educated, read about codependency, about addiction, get yourself a support system. Deal with and heal you own issue, leave him to take care of his.

Kindeyes

I wish I had learned earlier in my life to be the most important thing in my own life. Not in a selfish kind of way but in a self caring kind of way.

gentle hugs
ke

confusedhurt

I just left my bf because of cocaine use. It hurts because I love him so much and he was my 'go to' guy as well but I chose myself and am starting to feel better because of it.

You deserve to be loved completely and you are important. Unfortunately, drugs cloud all of this for our men.

You'll know when enough is enough but do remember how much you are worth.

zoso77

I am the type of man that is quite content on my own. For I've got plans for my short term future, and these days I don't have anything to give a woman. It's too much of an emotional commitment. Whether that's for forever, who knows? But when I go through my list of things I'm thankful for, I realize I'm pretty self-sufficient but generous to those in my life who mean the most to me.

saynotodrugs, addicts in active addiction are incapable of being a committed, responsible partner in a relationship because it's all about them. They will not remember or acknowledge the good things you did for them last month, or last week, or yesterday, because if they perceive you not doing right by them today, they will hammer you. It's infuriating, it's maddening, and it is what it is. Read "What Addicts Do"...and don't be surprised by anything your ABF does. Because so long as you're willing to tolerate it, it's going to be business as usual. 24/7/365...

Give yourself permission to take care of you and do the things you need to do to be healthy.

ZoSo

Jody675

there will be lots of advise on here about your bfs disease, but what concerns me is what you have said about yourself.


And I blame him for my suffering! I have my own issues. I suffer from depression, and he has always been my guy to go to. Always made me happy, and appeased me. I guess I am selfish, but I want him back! He always knew what to say, and held me when I felt sad He now can't do that!

no one can MAKE you happy. you have to be responsible for that yourself. its great when you have a friend or partner that can give you a hug when you're down, but if they are busy, away, or dealing with their own issues, then you have to be able to self soothe. once you take responsibility for your own happiness you WILL be happy ANY TIME you want. then you won't put that responsibility onto others, and you won't resent them for not being there when you need them.

leave your bfs issues to him to deal with, and you deal with yours. hope you find your own happiness.

Learn2Live

I just want to add that it's not just addicts in active addiction who are incapable of being a committed, responsible partner. It's also addicts who are abstinent but are not working on themselves, on a program, with a therapist, with a relationship counselor, or etc... Getting clean is the easy part. Staying cleaning, managing life, managing a relationship are the hard parts. It's often the stresses of everyday LIFE and their inability to manage that cause them to relapse.

zoso77

Agreed. Thank you for adding that.

suki44883

There are people who aren't able to commit to a responsible relationship whether they are addicts or not, too. Some people just don't need that kind of relationship, or maybe they just don't need it at the same time as you. The point is, you cannot look to someone else for you personal happiness. That is not fair to the other person. If he wants to use, then he is free to do so. You can't control him, you can only control yourself. If him being who he wants to be isn't to your liking, then you are probably in the wrong relationship.