wrigley

Hi there,

I am chairing a discussion meeting in July, with my first meeting coming up on Tuesday.

There is a man who has begun attending this meeting who has a tendency to share for a long period of time (over 10 minutes) and veer off-topic to topics which may be violent in nature. I witnessed an incident involving him at a meeting in another place, where he was warned by the President of that club. He is mentally ill and has disclosed that in meetings. I have been told that he has begun affecting the group in a negative way (I haven't been able to attend this particular meeting recently).

I'm not sure what to do; if I should address it with him prior to meetings (maybe ask him how he would prefer to be told if he goes on too long), ignore it (which I don't think is right), or address things as they come up within the meeting. I should also mention that I have PTSD issues which, unfortunately, have been triggered in the past by this guy. I'm not sure how effective I can be if I'm trying to contain him during the meeting. Also, would this be more of a job for the annual chair to deal with, or a group conscience situation?

Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks so much for letting me share here.

Justfor1

I won't remind everyone at the start of the meeting to keep shares at 3-5mins. If he is talking about violence that is not acceptable. There have been a few guys at my local AA club that have been "barred". One for panhandling and the other for intimidating women. I have seen newcomers who are first starting AA intimidated by folks like you are describing.

Sapling

Welcome to SR wrigley...I guess the safe bet would be a group conscience decision...Maybe bring up this guy pushes your buttons pretty good. Good for you for taking action beforehand....That would be how I'd handle it anyway...Glad you found the site.

2granddaughters

How does your sponsor think you should handle it ??

All the best.

Bob R

Retread59

I agree with group conscience. At my homegroup we are asked to limit shares to 5 minutes and shares are timed. Maybe you could do something like this. I'm not sure what to suggest about the violent nature of his sharing, though. If it is veering away from his problems with alcohol when he does that, maybe he can be reminded to stay on the topic?

sugarbear1

What has the group conscience decided on these types of situations?

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community...

We limit shares to 3 minutes in my home group.
Yes..that was what we decided in GC.

When I Chair...and members run over especially with off topic rambles
I use the gavle ..smile..."Thanks X" and call on someone else

Sorry...I don't know the term "annual chair" but perhaps
checking with that member would be wise?

Congratulations on your recovery time and for your willingness
to do service work...
.

augustwest

We had a similar issue in my homegroup. We eventually started using a timer. When the timer goes off, it's time to wrap it up. The offenders seem to respond to the timer better than a person, as it's impersonal.

wrigley

Hi all, and thanks for your ESH! It's appreciated.

@2granddaughters: My sponsor was my first call. She hasn't responded on this yet. I'm very interested in getting opinions from people who don't know the individual, since as you can imagine, he is a pretty polarizing individual.

Thanks also for the warm welcome and for the messages about my sobriety time - thanks to God and the fellowship of AA.

PaperDolls

Group conscience. Just bring it up at the next business meeting.


We've got a couple of guys with mental health issues (not that we all don't have them, some are just more obvious than others). A few of them have great stuff to share but if they're having an "off" day their shares can get sort of ... confusing. It is what it is and in my opinion, they have much to offer the group.

Sometimes a few of them can get too off track or just plain out of line. Generally, someone (who knows them and is approaching them out of care and concern) will pull them aside after a meeting and just chat with them. It's usually taken well.

The fact is, we'll always have folks with mental illnesses in our groups. To be honest, I really do think more people than we know suffer to some degree from mental issues. It's easy to get frustrated and let our anger (or lack of knowledge) get the best of us. I think we need to remember we're all there for the same thing.

newby1961

One of my groups got a timer to but someone who was sick of hearing it stole it and it has never been seen again. You are doing all the right things by calling your sponsor and asking on here. I would add maybe try praying about it to. I try and remember there are people in AA on various stages of recovery and some who aren't even in recovery. As long as they have a desire to quit drinking they are allowed that is what the traditions tell us.

Lily

I think you were right when you said a group conscience.


Welcome to the boards Wrigley!!

I hope the meetings go well for you!

Blessings, Lily