Free108

I'm having a bit of a freak out tonight. It's been 5 weeks since my XABF walked out on our life. Since then, I've been panicked, grief stricken, depressed, sometimes functional, sometimes not. I've been going to 2 or 3 Al-Anon meetings every week and really trying to get my head straight.
But I seem to default to just missing him and feeling totally abandoned.
The past couple of days have been especially hard with the depression. I have some stronger moments, but not many.
Adding to the problem, I'm feeling really alone, as most of my friends are also his friends, and because he's feeling OK, he's socializing but I'm here at home because I don't think I could handle seeing him. I haven't since we separated.
Some friends have made an effort to have dinner in a safe place, to come over to the house, or to see a movie, but my options are limited.
Tonight, I thought I'd run out for an hour to see some of our friends play in their band, but when I checked on the Facebook event, he had just posted that he was heading down there.
This is not a huge town and I have no idea what I'm going to do about this in the future (I've given up on tonight). I can't stay at home for the next few months, but I'm not getting over this very fast and it's not helping that I've lost about 80% of my social life.
I'm beyond miserable. I've been trying so hard to focus on the things I CAN do, my work, my hobbies, my recovery, but it feels like there's been no payoff yet, at all. I cry every day and I feel like I've lost so much more than just him - a whole way of life that wasn't all bad at all. Feels like I've lost a lot of good as well as losing some bad.

Learn2Live

Free108, I am sorry for your pain. I have been through what you are going through 3 times now; I'm on my 3rd. Keep going to Al-Anon and therapy if you can. You are grieving a loss, just like a death. Try not to let yourself think too much about who he was, the good things, etc. What I do is consider my XABF dead. That person is gone and now is dead to me. Read about the 5 stages of grief.

As for isolation, aren't there some things you can do w your friends that he won't want to do? Such as going to the mall, the library, etc?

changeschoices

I am sorry you're having a rough night. I am too. My children are with their dad and I'm too tired after a busy day to go anywhere, so I'm alone and having thoughts of my AXBF, who I broke up with a couple of months ago. All I can say is, it stinks! I didn't lose most of my social life like you, but I was increasingly isolated over the past two years, dealing with my A's problems, so I let my social life drift too much.

I made plans to meet a friend for brunch tomorrow, and I am realizing that I need to get much more proactive about seeing friends, starting next week.

I know what you mean about losing a lot of good things. I loved my AX very much and really enjoyed spending time with him, even just hanging out doing nothing was fun. At times like now, when I'm remembering the good things, it is very hard to convince myself that the bad things were just too bad to keep living with. But I know it's true.

I wish I had some sage advice for you, but I am struggling like you are. I will say that it's slowly getting better for me. I was pretty depressed for the first two months, now it's getting better. But it's a very slow process. I hope the rest of your night goes well--hang in there!

sweetteewalls

I feel same way about my separated AH at times. This is when you have to force yourself to focus on you. I disabled my FB entirely because the first 2 weeks he was gone I was all over FB trying to get info...you have to just do things you enjoy. Yes your life has changed, but it doesn't mean its for the worse. Work on you, value yourself. Its a very hard thing to push past your pain, but there's no avoiding it...eventually each day it will hurt less. Take care of yourself.