KRA

Part of the reason I stayed with xagf so long was that she would threaten to call the police and falsely accuse me of something so I get arrested. If I get arrested, even if proven innocent months later, I loose my job. If I loose my job, I can't support myself. What I want to know, is do alcoholics generally carry out their threats?

When my xagf was hitting me before I moved out, she said that if I reported her abuse to the police, she would lie and tell the police that I abused her, and that I would loose my job because of the allegation. She's right. At the very least, I would likely be suspended while it is investigated. And I think the police would be more likely to believe her lies than my truth.

I want to take her off my health insurance and stop paying my share of the rent on the apartment after next month. I think she is going to go ballistic when this happens. What can I do to protect myself from her lies? Freeing up the $ from these things would really help me move on with my life. I don't think that it's fair for me to have to pay them since she was so abusive. Also, paying these extra expenses is going to make me very poor. Please help with any advice.

Melissa0067

Wow, I just went through this with my xabf. Matter of fact my case just got dismissed this morning. I am going to give you my opinion on this being that I just went through it myself. Back in February, I left because he was acting like a nut and getting progressively more angry over something stupid. Well, when I left he had nowhere to stay and was out in the cold. He then called the police and told them that I ran him over with my car. It took me 4 months and a lot of money and time to straighten this out. And I was lucky to get it done that quick. They told me that normally it takes a year to a 18 months.

By the way, he then threatened me again the next week. He got me to let him stay here for a night then started acting nuts again so I asked him to leave. He got more crazy, threw stuff around my house and said he would tell the police I did it. He also sat on the floor and said the only way he would leave was if I called the police and if I did he would say I hit him. With the other open charges on me this would have landed me directly in jail.

One of the biggest things I learned throughout this process is that the person who goes to the police first is the one they generally listen to because if you are the second person to talk, they think you are doing it to retaliate. Matter of fact I went to court 5 days after my arrest to get an order of protection and that got thrown out to as they thought it was me retaliating.

My advice is to go to the police and report all the things she is threatening you with. You HAVE to do this in order to protect yourself. Had this jerk put a restraining order on me that night, which they offered him, he would have been able to live in my house, I would have had to move out and pay for him to live here. I will never let anyone stay with me again after learning that bit of information. It is too scary and not worth the risk

If I can help you any more please let me know. Good luck.

suki44883

Wow, unbelievable! I can't imagine how some people think! Can you get a recording of her making these threats? There must be some way you can prove that she is basically blackmailing you.

But, yeah...I was thinking you should go to the police and explain to them what she is doing, what she has threatened you with, and ask them what they suggest you do.

Bluebonnet1

I would agree to get the first word in. They may not take you seriously, but at least you have been proactive. I had to call the police last week because my ABF threatened to hurt himself. Even though he was gone when they showed up, and they seemed a little annoyed, at least they'll know what I'm dealing with if I have to call them again. They tried to tell me that I couldn't change the locks because if he broke in, there was nothing they could do since he "lives here". Well, I'm sorry, it's MY house and my safety! He even came back the next 2 nights and punched a hole in the wall one night. I took pictures of everything. I'm hoping I don't have to call again, but it's better to have it documented. Maybe you can get a small digital recorder and if she calls and threatens you about moving out, you can get it on tape? I'm sorry for your sake that it has come to this. I know how scary it can be for anyone.

Melissa0067

I have some more to add. Her doing this to you could be criminal harassment. I also now have criminal harassment charges on my exab. I have many messages that he left on voicemail but I also started recording all of our conversations. The only recordings I can use in court are the ones where he knows he's being recorded. Voicemails that they leave count towards that because obviously they know that a voicemail is a recording so if you have anything like that, keep it, do not delete them. In one of the recordings that I used for the harassment charges I clearly say in the conversation that he is being recorded. They had a hearing for these charges last week and the magistrate said there was enough evidence and they are going forward with the charges.

Bluebonnet.... My ex also had been taken in an ambulance 3 weeks before this incident, only 2 weeks out of 30 days in rehab, as he was falling down drunk and had fallen and split the back of his head open on a rock while I was at work. I came home to him passed out in my walkway bleeding everywhere. While waiting for the ambulance to come he started acting insane again and punched himself in the face about 6 times. I told the cops all of this when they were here with the ambulance. None of this came into play when he made these allegations against me. It did not matter if he was capable of doing that to himself or credible. The only time that would have mattered would have been at my trial to show his credibility. So while that helps in the end, it does not always help in the present if they turn around and accuse you of something. Just stuff to keep in mind. I learned all this the hard way. This is also my house and I had only been dating him for a few months at that point, he had no key, but they still say he "lived" here. He very well could've taken my house from me even though the entire thing was a lie and there was no actual evidence. That is one of the scariest things there was about this whole situation.

pinkdog

I don't know what to tell you. But here's a hug.:ghug3