Bean Soup & Banana Pudding Covert Mission.....
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: california
Posts: 103
Bean Soup & Banana Pudding Covert Mission.....
Soooo, AH bought beer today, this after ER visit for withdrawals, a great convo about our future, and buying beer 5 days into sobriety and telling me that he wanted to see what it was like.....okay....so I hid the keys for 2 nights, NOT so he couldn't get beer, but as to not make it easy for him.
So today he decided to make bean soup and needed to go to food store...very clever because I wouldn't see any normal beer run places on the bank balance. I knew what he was up to and didn't say a word. He returned quite relieved that his plan worked, as he went out back for a cigarette I watched him drink his beer. I couldn't believe he thought this would work. lol
But I didn't say anything, 1) i knew there was no point, 2)wanted to get my head straight first, 3) not argue in front of my daughter...
So I felt the nerves creeping up and I took daughter to library, he calls me telling me he has a surprise for me....when I get home he tells me he is going to make banana pudding!...yay...and he is so excited, but of course he must run back to the store to get supplies!Ha! I tell him he can walk or I will go, but he won't be driving the car (as i slipped the keys into my pocket)...this did not go well. My poor 3 yr old daughter getting upset because daddy is going to make pudding, and he has his watch on in preparation to go, and why can't he go....so sad....I try to check myself.
2/3 calmer than normal for me I tell him he has had a few beers AND still taking the Librium....there is no way he will drive. He denies and acts shocks etc probably in disbelief I caught on. I finally say I SAW you drinking and don't tell me I didn't see that (or the seizure from the other day-he tried to deny to me that he had a seizure,,,,that I witnessed!)
Anyways, long story short....deny deny deny...and he said if I had seen him drinking I would have said something earlier....I said the old me would have, but not now. Why would I? What would it change? I kept it to myself, but not now that you are planning to drive." I told him he could drink if he wanted but I wouldn't be here much longer for that..OR to call ER next withdrawals....
i could see he was shocked and i asked if he wanted me to get his supplies and he walked out saying No, he wouldn't ask for anything from me...this said in a disgruntled victim tone. And I left it at that! huge milestone for me....
Now, I know there is lots wrong with this story and how I handled it, but still this was a step for me. I didn't initially react because I wanted to plan my own steps first. One reason being I wanted to hold onto the info I knew he was drinking for a confrontation with his family present. A mini intervention of sorts. I realize the futility of the situation and that i am preparing to make the changes I need. For ME and Daughter......
It's so sad, but baby steps.....i only posted this story because it was so ridiculous I had to share.
So today he decided to make bean soup and needed to go to food store...very clever because I wouldn't see any normal beer run places on the bank balance. I knew what he was up to and didn't say a word. He returned quite relieved that his plan worked, as he went out back for a cigarette I watched him drink his beer. I couldn't believe he thought this would work. lol
But I didn't say anything, 1) i knew there was no point, 2)wanted to get my head straight first, 3) not argue in front of my daughter...
So I felt the nerves creeping up and I took daughter to library, he calls me telling me he has a surprise for me....when I get home he tells me he is going to make banana pudding!...yay...and he is so excited, but of course he must run back to the store to get supplies!Ha! I tell him he can walk or I will go, but he won't be driving the car (as i slipped the keys into my pocket)...this did not go well. My poor 3 yr old daughter getting upset because daddy is going to make pudding, and he has his watch on in preparation to go, and why can't he go....so sad....I try to check myself.
2/3 calmer than normal for me I tell him he has had a few beers AND still taking the Librium....there is no way he will drive. He denies and acts shocks etc probably in disbelief I caught on. I finally say I SAW you drinking and don't tell me I didn't see that (or the seizure from the other day-he tried to deny to me that he had a seizure,,,,that I witnessed!)
Anyways, long story short....deny deny deny...and he said if I had seen him drinking I would have said something earlier....I said the old me would have, but not now. Why would I? What would it change? I kept it to myself, but not now that you are planning to drive." I told him he could drink if he wanted but I wouldn't be here much longer for that..OR to call ER next withdrawals....
i could see he was shocked and i asked if he wanted me to get his supplies and he walked out saying No, he wouldn't ask for anything from me...this said in a disgruntled victim tone. And I left it at that! huge milestone for me....
Now, I know there is lots wrong with this story and how I handled it, but still this was a step for me. I didn't initially react because I wanted to plan my own steps first. One reason being I wanted to hold onto the info I knew he was drinking for a confrontation with his family present. A mini intervention of sorts. I realize the futility of the situation and that i am preparing to make the changes I need. For ME and Daughter......
It's so sad, but baby steps.....i only posted this story because it was so ridiculous I had to share.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
It's amazing how often alcoholics have to "go to the store." As if they are somehow fooling us. It's so incredibly pathetic and sad.
"I'll just pack my baby and my drunk ass into the car to go to the store for "supplies."
Jackass.
"I'll just pack my baby and my drunk ass into the car to go to the store for "supplies."
Jackass.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Congrats on the approach, Amber23.
Just remember, your H is giving you the gift of "being consistent." His disease is and will continue to be consistent: roping you in with every manipulative effort it can muster. We are not smart enough to out-think the devastating disease of alcoholism. I do hope he decides to work through his disease, but no doubt it won't be on your timeline--he wouldn't be ready to even THINK about beginning a functional marriage with you for over a year, even if he started recovery this very minute.
My wish for you is that you will continue to develop a new approach to dealing with him that will be equally consistent, if not more so. For me, that meant Alanon, SR, therapy, and a whole lot of new friends who understood and supported my recovery process.
Hugs to you and your daughter,
posie
Just remember, your H is giving you the gift of "being consistent." His disease is and will continue to be consistent: roping you in with every manipulative effort it can muster. We are not smart enough to out-think the devastating disease of alcoholism. I do hope he decides to work through his disease, but no doubt it won't be on your timeline--he wouldn't be ready to even THINK about beginning a functional marriage with you for over a year, even if he started recovery this very minute.
My wish for you is that you will continue to develop a new approach to dealing with him that will be equally consistent, if not more so. For me, that meant Alanon, SR, therapy, and a whole lot of new friends who understood and supported my recovery process.
Hugs to you and your daughter,
posie
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
I kept the pantry and fridge super-stocked so he couldn't say he needed to go out and get things (how codie is that?), he would still find reasons he needed to go out, and when I would offer to go or one of the kids wanted to go, he would get irate---everyone knew what the true mission was.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
My xah would only get $5 of gas at a time. That isn't even two gallons and he drove an old gas guzzling suburban. Who do they think they are kidding anyway.
About a year later I was getting gas at 10am and a stranger was there getting $5 of gas....and a 6 pack. I had such a wave of overwhelming sadness and heaviness.
About a year later I was getting gas at 10am and a stranger was there getting $5 of gas....and a 6 pack. I had such a wave of overwhelming sadness and heaviness.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: california
Posts: 103
Thanks Posiesperson.. ..your post got through to me. 
I have since found another pint of whiskey and although I want to confront my gut is telling me to wait....not to engage in the usual pattern. AND YES treat myself to some mental healing....
Thanks your post really made me understand that this won't be on my timeline and I need to be aware of that....to make choices one way or the other.....
I have since found another pint of whiskey and although I want to confront my gut is telling me to wait....not to engage in the usual pattern. AND YES treat myself to some mental healing....Thanks your post really made me understand that this won't be on my timeline and I need to be aware of that....to make choices one way or the other.....
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