Step 8
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 464
Step 8
"We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory."- BB page 76
A quick read of the Big Book reveals that our 4th step gives us all we need for our 8th step list. So are we done?
A few sentences down on the same page we are confronted with some direction:" If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes."- BB page 76
It is ok to still be feeling any way you do. Facing ourselves ( possibly for the first time in our lives) is sure to leave us feeling raw, and perhaps even still resentful. Step 8 is part action and part attitude: first you make a list; second you become willing. How will you become willing?
Some things other members have come across on their 8th step:
Why am I not willing to make amends with some of the people on my list? Do I have fear of making direct amends? Do I have persistent resentment toward some? Am I unable to see the harm I have caused?
Before making direct amends to anyone it may be a good idea to:
Talk with a sponsor
Pray
talk with others in the fellowship
Pray some more
A quick read of the Big Book reveals that our 4th step gives us all we need for our 8th step list. So are we done?
A few sentences down on the same page we are confronted with some direction:" If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes."- BB page 76
It is ok to still be feeling any way you do. Facing ourselves ( possibly for the first time in our lives) is sure to leave us feeling raw, and perhaps even still resentful. Step 8 is part action and part attitude: first you make a list; second you become willing. How will you become willing?
Some things other members have come across on their 8th step:
Why am I not willing to make amends with some of the people on my list? Do I have fear of making direct amends? Do I have persistent resentment toward some? Am I unable to see the harm I have caused?
Before making direct amends to anyone it may be a good idea to:
Talk with a sponsor
Pray
talk with others in the fellowship
Pray some more
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Just because I have a resentment against someone doesn't mean I automatically own them an amends. The resentment list I created on the 4th was a good starting point to working on my amends list.
I had a sponsee once who was working on her 4th. She had a tiff with a girl in our homegroup and I asked her if she was on it. Her reply "No way! I'm not putting her on there because I'm not making amends to her." Now, a lot can be said about that statement but one important thing is that, like I said, just because you have a resentment, it doesn't mean you automatically owe and amends. With that logic, if a women has a resentment against a man that violated and/or abuse her she would owe him an amend. Doesn't jive with me.
I had a sponsee once who was working on her 4th. She had a tiff with a girl in our homegroup and I asked her if she was on it. Her reply "No way! I'm not putting her on there because I'm not making amends to her." Now, a lot can be said about that statement but one important thing is that, like I said, just because you have a resentment, it doesn't mean you automatically owe and amends. With that logic, if a women has a resentment against a man that violated and/or abuse her she would owe him an amend. Doesn't jive with me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 464
Just because I have a resentment against someone doesn't mean I automatically own them an amends
Every resentment has the power to kill. The only place the Big Book uses the word disease in the first 164 is in chapter 5 where it talks about resentment
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,969
I owe no amends when I was actually a victim. I am guided to pages 66-67.
I didn't resent my creditors, but my failure to pay them does effect my credit, so selfishly I will pay them....(!?!)
There is a reason I speak with my sponsor about these things!
I didn't resent my creditors, but my failure to pay them does effect my credit, so selfishly I will pay them....(!?!)
There is a reason I speak with my sponsor about these things!
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
No Upper, you didn't necessarily imply that but I've heard so many people who think that's the case....or that there's no work to be done on the 8th because it was done on the 4th. So not true.
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