DAB

After six months of sobriety and going to AA meetings, I finally asked someone from my home group to be my sponsor.
I thought he was the right choice because he had showed interest by giving me a couple of books to read.
I was asking him about step 4 and then a little about step 5 and he called another member over and that member suggested that I do step 5 with a clergyman. My sponsor agreed. Their reasoning was that a clergyman practices confidentiality. Is this normal? I was of the understanding that you usually do step 5 with your sponsor, am I wrong?

sugarbear1

Have you read the big book?

I worked step 5 with my sponsor. It's a moral inventory not just a confession. I needed someone who had done it (themselves with their sponsor) to obtain the results that I have. Someone who knew the big book and who had worked with a sponsor and their higher power.

That's what worked for me.

CarolD

I did mine with a dear close friend in program.

A member of my first HG happened to be a RC priest leaving
soon for 7 years for Africa. He had many members ask to
do their 5th with him...not all were RC's either...

I think the 12&12 says something on the order of shareing with
others not necessarily a sponsor Please check out what it says
re Step 5

Taking5

I cannot stress this enough. Re-read step 5, emphasis mine:

So I did not confess to every single time I ever lied, for example, I just shared the exact nature of my wrongs about why I lied. I really struggled with this as I took this to be a confession in a Catholic sense, when it is not.

tomsteve

Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion. We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem. Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics.

If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a close-mouthed, understanding friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the person. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy. We have no right to save our own skin at another person's expense. Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.....


We say this because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person. It is important that he be able to keep a confidence; that he fully understand and approve what we are driving at;



i didnt do it with my sponsor. i did it with someone who understood what i was doing and why and was able to point out some things to me about me i had missed.

DayTrader

Dgillz is right on.

Seems a lot of ppl in AA have turned the 4th and 5th into a shopping list of bad acts.......followed by a reading of each act. We're, as the book says, looking for "causes and conditions."

All the ways I was a crappy husband is mildly interesting at best........WHY I was - and getting past those "whys" with God's help so I don't ever do that crap again......that's the freedom we're looking for.

A good sponsor will talk about "exact natures" with you more than the events themselves. For me, I needed that help because I couldn't identify and "exact nature" even when it was clubbing me over the head - I just could NOT see them (not for several years, anyway). I really needed someone who could help me in that area...so that's why we do this stuff (preferably) with someone in the program and (even better) preferably our sponsor.

keithj

I did my first 5th Step with my sponsor. Subsequent others I've done with either my sponsor or other guys with whom I have spiritual consent. More of mutual 5th Stepping. Everybody I've worked with has done their 5th Step with me, and I always encourage them to find a priest or somebody else they trust if there is something they are holding back that they can't admit to me.

DAB,
It sounds like there might be a little confusion in what you're doing. Have a done Steps 1-4 thoroughly with your sponsor? I encourage you not to skimp on those.

wow04

I did my 5th step with my sponsor. I have had a couple sponsee's that have done it with their clergyperson and the rest have done it with me. It comes down to who you feel comfortable doing it with.

UpperbucksAAguy

I have done 5th steps with my sponsees on occasion

muvinon

The Big Book doesn't specify whom should hear your 5th step. Me? I did mine with my sponsor, and it was really a good experience.

Tommyh

my first step 5 was with a clergy
my last and best step 5 was with my sponsor
my sponsee`s can have a clergy and do it with them,but then they are going to do it with me,besides,I have already seen their 4th step,so whats to hide?

Lily

The first time I did mine w/ my roommate cuz my sponsor had moved away. It was very gratifying. We prayed afterwards and then I burned it. The next time I did with my sponsor. My 3rd time it was w/ a trusted confidant because I had a trust issue with my sponsor and had not found a new one.

Each and every time it has been a good experience. For me it was helpful when I did it w/ someone who was of the same religious organization as myself. I never did any of them with clergy.

Gottalife

I took the 5th step with my sponsor and, though not a Cathcolic, it was very much a confession in that sense. Why? because the book tells us that we may not overcome drinking if we skimp on this vital step. Its goes further and says "But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it neccessary, until they had told someone else all their life story".

There is plenty more in chapter 6 about the need for thoroughness and honesty and the consequences of of keeping something to ourselves.
"These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension-that makes for more drinking."

That was me to a tee. Certain promises are made in the Big book about the rewards of step 5, and they came true for me. There were three very noticeable changes that occurred on the same day. I felt the nearness of my creator fot the first time, I slept like a baby for the first time, and I lost that awful lonliness that goes with having all those secrets. The latter came about by taking step 5 with my sponsor who shared some of his with me, and showed me that I was just an ordinary run of the mill alcoholic. What came out in my 5th was normal for alcoholics of my type.

EricL

My first one was with clergy at a treatment center, the next few were with my sponsor, the most recent one I did with my sponsor and another guy I know in the fellowship-we all went back through the work together.

My experience has been that this last time-doing it as a group-has been the most beneficial. It's nice to get more sets of eyes to examine my life and help me identify these causes and conditions. And, I'm in the process of repeating this process with my sponsor and two other guys in the fellowship.

shaun00

My first 5 was done with a priest......and it was a priest well aware of what a step 5 was.

Subsequent inventories was with closed mouthed guys......and that also works both ways...

PaperDolls

The 12x12 says we should speak with someone who is experienced ... "...who not only has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other serious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. "

Also, look at the BB p74 ... it doesn't not say you have to do the 5th step with a sponsor. In fact, it never uses the word sponsor.