LooneyinLaJunta

I have been drinking lightly, then heavily in a cycle now for almost 5 years. It reached it's peak when I was in Dental Hygiene school, and then I tapered to almost nothing once I graduated. Then I suffered a trauma at work--I was physically and emotionally sexually harassed by the dentist I was working for. I was then pressured by the office manager (his son) to keep silent.

After a month, my body just fell apart. It turns out that I had severe fibromyalgia, and lupus just waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Add to that my tennis elbow and carpal tunnel syndrome and you have the recipe for a physical breakdown of my body and mind that lasted for seven months. I had no insurance :-( so it took MONTHS of laying in pain and seeing dozens of doctors before one kind soul took the time to look at my history again and connect the dots to get me the right meds. In the meantime, my boyfriend only made $600 a month for his disability (he has Cystic Fibrosis) and with me unable to work, we were in danger of losing our house. We sold our house in the city, where my family and friends lived, and moved to a small town hours from everything I ever knew to be near his parents.

Needless to say, I am not handling it well. I keep trying to make friends, and am not getting anywhere. So I am falling back on my old best friend --the bottle. Every part of my mind is SCREAMING to stop--but there is something that is so heavy in my heart that I cannot describe it. I just want to hit the re-set button. I came here because I need someone to talk to about this. My boyfriend is handling the move better because he has his parents--I feel like I have no one. I am so sorry to heap this on everyone, but I feel like I just need a life preserver.

Thanks for listening.

Luling

Welcome. I'm glad you're here. A lot of people on this forum have turned their lives around by reaching out to one another in this community. Please don't apologize for sharing your troubles here; that's the reason this forum exists. :ghug3

LooneyinLaJunta

Thanks, that does make me feel better. I belong to another non-addiction blog, and when I tried to explain some of my problems, I was getting a lot of flak about not being grateful enough for my situation. :-(

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Looney

Have you thought about giving up your old friend the bottle? In my own experience I found it tended to take away any joy of living I had and any motivation to get out there and meet new people.

Sorry you've had such a rough time.

Much love x

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you found us.

I have fibromyalgia also, and had an awful time getting it properly diagnosed. I started to think I was losing my mind and the chronic pain was exhausting. There is lots of information available on how to deal with this disease, and I'm always around if you want to talk.

Hopefully you and your boyfriend can make a fresh start in your new area. I hope that it will turn out to be a good move for you.

Sapling

Welcome to SR LooneyinLaJunta....I love the name...This is a friendly place and I'm glad you are here...I got sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and most of the friends I have are from there...Is that something you would consider?

LooneyinLaJunta

I would LOVE to give up my old friend! I think my real problem right now is that I am so completely messed up in every other way (physically, emotionally, spiritually) that I am just circling the drain right now. I guess I need a place to start.

aeo1313

welcome- I am so sorry to hear of all your troubles- and so angry at the dentist and his son! How dare they tell you to keep it quiet!!!

This is a great place for support...keep posting

((hugs))

LooneyinLaJunta

Yes, I have thought about AA, I even went to a meeting in Denver before we moved, but the nearest meeting is an HOUR away from La Junta! And I've only just started driving again. So I will have to look for alternatives.

I know some of my anxiety/depression/permanent state of bitterness probably stems from by unresolved RAGE at the dentist and his son. But I am also very, very disappointed in myself for letting them get away with it. I suspect this might be keeping me "stuck." I blame myself for getting us in this situation (everyday I open my eyes and pray I will wake up back home--not in this nightmare.)

I would give anything for some therapy! But without insurance, I just don't have the money!

hopeful78

keep posting- this is a forum full of friends!

Luling

I hope you'll learn to forgive yourself. You deserve better in life.

Sapling

I was going to ask you about that...But that's not easy without insurance...Well you have some new friends here...The closest meeting to you is an hour away?...That's amazing. There's always someone here day or night...Glad you found us!

LooneyinLaJunta

Thanks everyone! It really means alot. I am bawling my eyes out of happiness for a change!

Sapling

You can do that here too.

hopeful78

its true.....after the things I have read so far- I have cried twice .......(and I am at work....lol) so you can definitely let it out here......

hypochondriac

I think you can do online meetings on here Looney. And there is always the chatroom too. I reckon you'll get plenty of support on here to quit drinking and make new friends x

DisplacedGRITS

Welcome to the group. Even through the AA group is an hour away maybe you could "treat" yourself to it once a week, every two weeks or something managable like that so you have it to look forward to. You'll find lots of support there as well as free coffee and free hugs. We don't have coffee here but e-hugs are free. (((Hugs)))

Live2Run25

I'm so sorry for your situation. It's a fact that stress can be the trigger for things like Lupus and Fibromyalga. I have celiac disease and it was believed to be caused by a trigger. Although not completely, I know how it is to have other things bringing you down. I was so upset that I couldn't have beer anymore.. I had to reasses my life at that point. We are all here for support and to talk whenever you need anything!

Dee74

Welcome LLJ
You'll find a lot of friends and support here

Drinking can seem like the answer but it's really not - it solves nothing - it just pushes everything to one side...then when it all floods back we need to drink again....

It's a vicious cycle and I'm really glad you're trying to avoid it

good to have you with us

D

LooneyinLaJunta

I am one of those people who tend to be VERY hard on myself. I hate all this free time I have where I am just sitting around questioning all the choices I have made in the last five years. If only I hadn't done this, or that, or "everything would be different if I hadn't done this" -- I really torture myself a lot.

I drink the most at night, when the insomnia monster creeps in my stomach like a swarm of angry bats, making my heart race and my mind swirl. I just want it to STOP.

Maybe it is a good sign that I know what I am doing wrong, it's the doing things right that I seem to have trouble getting started.

This new town just seems to want to frustrate me. My boyfriend's parents are very smothering (which I can't stand), we live right next door, and our backyard (JUNKYARD) is full of BF's Dad's pile of scrap metal, 3 rusted tractors, and a broken dump truck. I used to have a beautiful garden and yard. I tried planting a garden here (around all the junk), and the wind destroyed some of it and the cabbage beetles got some more . It's 104 outside in the shade right now, and my poor chickens are getting cooked alive.

So, I hide in my trailer in the Air Conditioning (greatest invention EVER). Does anyone have any advice on getting started at home? I will look into seeing if there is any support groups locally, even if it's at a church or something. I think I might have seen a sign about that somewhere. Should I make lists or something like that?