90 days and reflecting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
90 days and reflecting
Today is 90 days since I've had a drink. When I first came here, I thought I was being brave by saying that I would go one week without drinking! 
For some perspective, I went back and read some of my first posts where I was very much struggling with whether I had a problem or not. What struck me the most was that I believed 100% that I was being honest in everything I was saying, but reading it now, it becomes SO clear that I wasn't. For example, in my first post I said it had been a couple months since I went more than a week without drinking. WHAT?!?! It was over a year! And it was only 6 days and I gave in on the 7th day. And before that, it was probably years.
It blows me away that I couldn't even see that I was being dishonest. My sponsor says something about how alcoholism is the only disease that tries to hide itself from itself. I guess that's true!!
So I made it 90 days. It's not a year, or 15 years or whatever, but it's something I guess. I still think about drinking every single day. But I haven't drank. And I'm going to AA meetings every day, working with a sponsor, working the steps and staying sober.
I feel a little sad that 90 days is the last milestone until 1 year. That is a HUGE gap in there! And 1 year seems like forever away.
For some perspective, I went back and read some of my first posts where I was very much struggling with whether I had a problem or not. What struck me the most was that I believed 100% that I was being honest in everything I was saying, but reading it now, it becomes SO clear that I wasn't. For example, in my first post I said it had been a couple months since I went more than a week without drinking. WHAT?!?! It was over a year! And it was only 6 days and I gave in on the 7th day. And before that, it was probably years.
It blows me away that I couldn't even see that I was being dishonest. My sponsor says something about how alcoholism is the only disease that tries to hide itself from itself. I guess that's true!!
So I made it 90 days. It's not a year, or 15 years or whatever, but it's something I guess. I still think about drinking every single day. But I haven't drank. And I'm going to AA meetings every day, working with a sponsor, working the steps and staying sober.
I feel a little sad that 90 days is the last milestone until 1 year. That is a HUGE gap in there! And 1 year seems like forever away.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,589
Congratulations on your 90 days!
When I looked back at my beliefs at the end of my drinking, I am amazed at how much in denial I was. Obviously I couldn't deny I had a problem, but I didn't think it was a big deal. And, I also thought I could stop when I wanted to, no problem. Yikes!
When I looked back at my beliefs at the end of my drinking, I am amazed at how much in denial I was. Obviously I couldn't deny I had a problem, but I didn't think it was a big deal. And, I also thought I could stop when I wanted to, no problem. Yikes!
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