transformyself

Now that my NPD business partner knows I'm leaving the business, and her, she is sending me long emails (cc'd in our investors and her attorney daddy).

This is the third email she sent me today, getting more and more frantic and making accusations. I can't stand to read it, she makes me feel sick to my stomach.

What kind of reaction is that to have to your partner? I feel guilty and doubtful until I remember the horrible ways she's treated me, combined with her guilt and manipulations.

It's the same as working with an A. I need emotional detachment. It's hard, but I'll keep coming here and venting.

PurpleWilder

I know not engaging is very hard; I'm struggling with this myself these days.

Do you have an attorney? Can you simply say (cc'd to investors and her lawyers daddy) "All further correspondance from you will be forwarded to my attorney."

The saying I heard was, "Say it, forget it; write it, regret it." With every vitriolic email she is digging herself further and further into a hole. Who is going to want to work with her now? By not engaging, you clear yourself of accusations in the matter. You will be able to believe and say with the fullness of truth that you had nothing to do with it. You will be free.

It is a cool, sunny day for us both here in the Midwest - how about an ice cream under a shady tree? Or watching some kids play softball at the park? Or go to the dog park and watch the dogs run around. I love that!

transformyself

OH PS this is so helpful. She is driving me crazy; still. You're totally right, she is loading up to screw me and any contact gives her more power.

I can't wait to be free of her.

Florence

Hoo boy, unfortunately I have experience with this. Somebody shared a good one on here recently:

JADE: don't Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain yourself to a NPD.

They see your JADE as the point at which to begin a negotiation. But you've already drawn the line in the sand. Your NPD is going to stomp all over it until you give in, and if you don't, she will determine you're the enemy and try to ruin you. (They rarely do, but their threats are wild and scary.)

Come up with some kind of one liner that you can just repeat over and over. Like, "Talk to my attorney." "I'm sorry, you'll need to discuss that with my attorney." Etc. Whatever you do, make it all business, and strip it of any emotional stuff. DETACH.

And hey, congratulations on getting away! FREEDOM!

transformyself

Wow Florence. Does it mean she's a NPD when I try to ask her to stop doing something and she screams I DON'T DO THAT YOU DO!

I will disengage. She's already had the "last word," because I've stopped emailing her. Now, I just need to come up with money to let the attorney do her job. Ugh. Stomach cramps

PurpleWilder

WTH does NPD mean?

lol

transformyself

HI PS
Narcissistic Personality Disorder

My computer crashed today, two days from needing to have the july issue of our paper done. I lost everything. It's unreal.,

I feel like maybe someone up there is really ******* with me

TakingCharge999

Even if the computer crashed, the hard disk may still have your information. Have you taken it to a technician ... ?

I support the "Talk to my lawyer" response. Dogs that bark don't bite, is a saying over here

TakingCharge999

OMG free of both toxic characters, I foresee healthier days for you

I swear since I left the toxic job, going totally No contact with XABF and an abusive superior, my funny aches went away.

transformyself

The computer guys said it's fried. They can't retrieve anything.

I am having such anxiety. This means I have to completely regenerate everything from scratch.

I'm suppose to send it to the layout guy TODAY and now it's all gone. I really can't believe it.

The worst part is knowing how she will turn this on me, try to say I'm a detriment to the business.

wicked

Transform,
You are not a detriment to the business because your computer crashed.
It happens.
Now, do not listen, think about or worry yourself about her.
Just get to work on regenerating what you can.
Get busy, you do what you can, I believe in you.
You are not a detriment if you are busy working on the paper, just do it.
:ghug3
I dont wanna come there and hug her (NPD) until her head pops off.

Beth

transformyself

Thank you Beth, I need to keep hearing this because she's been sending out all these emails to our investors and otheres saying I'm a detriment to the business.

I;m pretty sure NC is the way to go, but it's hard and weird. After my computer crashed today, i almost called her several times to try to talk about it--even after she's been so insane!! I'M INSANE to think I can talk with her!!

LaTeeDa

Look at the bright side, at least you don't have to see her emails anymore, lol.

Sorry, couldn't help myself. Beth is right, the next right thing is all you can do. If you are busy doing it, then you have no time for her drama.

And, once this is behind you, please get an external hard drive or even a flash drive to back up your work!

L

gerryP

I second an external hard drive or memory stick on a go forward basis.

transformyself

I know, I know. Ordinarily I back everything up weekly, but haven't done so lately, for all sorts of stupid reasons.

I'm buying a little flashdrive today because I'll be going from computer to computer working. I"m at the freaking library right now, surrounded by children and homeless people. Gives me perspective.

She keeps emailing EVERYONE--our investors and her daddy attorney, with these manipulative statements, painting me as, "intentionally disrupting business practices." I can't stand it and REALLY want to tell her off but have learnt my lesson with her

JADE
Don't justify, argue, and two other things. Can't remember now but I know it means stay the hell away...

I'm not looking forward to regenerating all of this content in the next three days, but at least when it's over I won't have to deal with her anymore.

transformyself

oh wait!! I remember now. I'm STARVING her. I'm writing an email that does not in any way take her bait and clearly states in as few words as possible what needs to be done.

Ah, that's better.

wicked

Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

These are all openings for an NPD to sneak in with more attempts at gaslighting.
She keeps tapping you on the shoulder and saying "look over there!"
Think of it as a spoilt child pulling on your skirts. Or worse yet, pulling your hair!
You can do this!
Trans form!
Trans form!
Trans form!
YAY!

:ghug3

Beth

transformyself

NPD's gaslight? What does that mean again, oh Wise One?