Mitten2012

My life for the last 5 years has resolved around him, his pain, his medical care, his depression, his meds, his anxiety! I'm really trying to come to grips with the fact that I've been a complete codie and yet it's still not enough!

Apparently I expect too much, and am not empathetic enough to "his" recovery...well what about my recovery? Must I always be the strong one? Is it crazy to expect some care in return? Before I had to care for him cuz he was sick! Now I have to care for him cuz he's recovering. What I really want to say is when are you going to grow up and be a man who actually takes care of his family! But then I hear the little voice in my head say... maybe he never will? How long do I give this??

LoveMeNow

WOW Mitten, I just had an argument with my husband too. He is only 21 days clean, I only know because he tells me everyday. I am glad he is working on his recovery and I will respect his need to do so but its not going to be all about him.

I just had a big argument with my daughter which is very rare - only because she is very easy going. But since she turned 18, she has really copped an attitude. I give her a lot of leeway because she really is a good kid, no drama, fun, sweet, helpful. I was very upset and still mad when he walked through the door from a meeting. I kind of ranted on for a few minutes. And then he started to tell me how I should have handled it. Really? Since when is he the relationship expert. Then it became about HIM and how she has treated him. uhmmmm OK.

Why do some men always find the need to "fix" things? Why can't they just be supportive? Addict or recovering addict, its NOT all about you all the time. And I told him so. "Step outside yourself, step into the universe, others actually live her too." He knew I was pissed and went to bed. (He still has his own place and I felt like telling him to go there....but I am mad and I was told not to make decisions when I was mad anymore, lol).

zoso77

Nothing will EVER be enough for him. That's the nature of the beast. He will, if you allow him to, suck you dry.

So, how about you take some of that love and compassion and give it to yourself so that YOU can heal...

ZoSo

Impurrfect

((Mitten)) - When I began recovery, my immediate family was VERY angry and hurt. I feel they had every right to their feelings. I got back to working, felt like a teenager at having to let them know where I was, when I'd be home, whether I was paying bills, etc. When I needed support, I came to SR where there were many other RAs.

When, at some point later, my XABF#3 got mad at me for not bailing him out of jail, saying "oh, I'm just an A, toss me to the curb", I reminded him I'm an A, too. I just chose recovery instead of continuing to use.

Now I live with two raging codies, one of whom is an A. I stay out of their "stuff", work MY recovery. I still slip and slide, I still get angry and/or hurt, but again...I come to SR and get ES&H from people who get what I'm feeling.

As far as how long? That's your call. Most people decide whether the pain of staying or pain of going is worse and go from there.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

dollydo

He is an addict, it is all about them, Me,Me, I, I....I must be adored and fawned over.
The codie does this and the addict takes a finger, then an arm...you get my drift.

Might be time to stand up and be counted, focus on you, let the chips fall where they may, he may figure out that he needs to put on his big boy pants and start dealing with
the responsibilities of a family.

Mitten2012

Thanks everyone! I've only been posting on these boards for a couple days, really wishing I would have found you all a few years ago, nice to hear from others who actually get it