elipayne

My husband has had a strong relationship with opiates for about 14 years. He was first prescribed them after a vehicle accident that left his shoulders heavily scarred. He's been an addict ever since. Six days ago he went into detox. I pick him up tomorrow. Regardless of the fact that we both worry that a 6 day detox program will do little to help, it is our only option at this time. He is the only one with a job at this time (I am still endlessly searching) and life has to carry on. I'm fully supportive of him, I love him very much. Naturally, I want to help. My question is this: what can I do to help him stay clean? He quit without the help of rehab two months ago, surprisingly went through an easy withdrawal, and let his co-workers know that he had quit. It wasn't a month later that his co-workers (who are the biggest problem in this particular situation, as they all use or have other vices) were again shoving it in his face. He started using again. The problem is not here at home; we have a very loving relationship and he knows I am always here for him. He can delete contacts, sure, but he works alongside a lot of them, so he sees them anyway. I am not there to slap the pills away, though he's mentioned before that he wishes I was. He can't really quit his job. It's the only income we have going for us at present, but it really does seem like the only way to get ahead. I just don't know what to do. Trust that he'll keep clean by his own will? Done that before. Call his co-workers myself? I almost feel like it...and if he starts again, I may or may not find out. He knows I won't judge him or criticize him, I only want to help him. I can only do so much, as I'm not with him 24/7.
He was self-committed to the 6 day detox, and I know from previous that the will to quit is definitely there. I'm gonna end it here as I don't know what else to say, really. I've been the enabler before, so I'm not perfect, but I wasn't helping him then. I never realized how badly he wanted to quit. He seems to keep his addiction to himself for the most part, until it all becomes too much. Any advice is appreciated for his sake. I'm concerned for him and his predicaments. I don't want him to relapse, and I know he doesn't want to relapse. He wants to be a better father and husband.

outtolunch

His coworkers are not the problem.

Detox is not recovery. Could AA or NA help? There are also many non 12 step based recovery programs out there, too.

Have you considered Alanon for yourself?

elipayne

Sorry, yeah I'm aware it's just a detox program and not exactly recovery. They have provided him with information and phone #'s for outpatient programs for when he comes home. So we're gonna definitely look into those. I have considered alanon for myself, and will probably take full advantage of it.

LoveMeNow

Welcome to SR Elipayne

My husband also was addicted to pain pills. He is an addict. He was originally prescribed them by a DR as well. But from what I am learning, it's not the pills, it the person. Today, he would agree.

My husband quit many times but he was really only abstaining, no recovery work. Huge difference. He is only 21 days clean, currently attends 2 NA meetings a day, works with a sponsor and still knowing all this......statically speaking - his chances are only around 10-15% to have a life time recovery.

Also, continue to read here. There is a lot of great information and some very smart posters. What I have learned and was one of the important things for me.......It is his addiction, his recovery, and I have no control over it. He has to want it and do it himself. Also, I learned I have a huge problem too. I am codependent and I have my own recovery work to do. I attend Alanon meetings, been reading Codependent No more, and much more.

I wish you and your husband the best. It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

God Bless.

elipayne

Thanks for the responses. To elaborate, he is battling a lot of demons (I'd feel too invasive of his privacy to post them on here individually, even if I'm anonymous) and obviously isn't coping well. If even a few of the outwardly things changed for the better, he would feel better about himself and about life in general. We're working on these things together, but changes aren't happening quickly enough for him. He has his spurts of greatness, but he becomes discouraged after a while. It's an up & down thing. I'm trying hard to create a light and happy home at all times, keep him motivated, and a lot of the time it seems to work. But everybody has their days. I suppose the outpatient programs may help him, and I can continue helping him, until we manage to to get on our feet? I'm hoping things will be easier on him then.

elipayne

And I may need to check out Codependent No More as well. Thanks again for the helpful and kind words.