mae78

I'm not sure I can do this... the berrading for hours and his pacing and twisting things around on me and the things he says and suggests about me are downright horrible.. he will go on and on and not give me a chance to talk and this goes on into the wee hours of the morning when i work to support us and have to get up for work. Everyone tells me just hang in there hes still getting his crap straight... yet they dont have to go through the torture sessions i do or take all the mental verbal crap i do... if i hadnt learned long ago to build walls to keep myself standing id be a crumbled ball of tears..
I just cant take this... he paced for hrs at the foot of our bed last night just going off and threw in there he is on the verge of a relapse because of me.... he is a MASTER manipulator!!

Thanks for listening, sincerely, LOST!

lightseeker

this sounds terrible. I'm not familiar with your situation but I do know that abuse is not appropriate under ANY circumstances. Do you have a plan to remove yourself from this situation?

I was very abused emotionally and verbally in my marriage and know how badly it wore me down....to the point that it was almost impossible to leave.

I'll repeat again - ABUSE IS INAPPROPRIATE UNDER ANY SITUATION. Please don't try and figure out a way to stay in a relationship where you are mistreated. The best call that I ever made was to the Domestic Violence hotline. They helped me to understand what I was dealing with and how to make it change.

The concept of acceptance does not mean accepting being treat like crap...it means accepting that someone you care about (or not) is unhealthy for you and then doing what you need to do to make things change.

cc88

hes not in recovery. hes delighted at the prospect of an excuse to use and someone to blame for it. You're both of those in a nice little package with a bow, according to him.

Do whats right for you, not what other people are telling you. Like you said, they arent living it, you are.

One life, one shot. Im 24 and I already think I've wasted way too many hours doing fruitless things. My goal every day is to not waste a single one more.

I agree though. Abuse, be it emotional, mental, physical, etc. is NOT appropriate, and the fact that there are drugs involved has NOTHING to do with it.

lesliej

oh mae,

I have so been there, it sounds so so familiar. it's like you have a demon at the foot of the bed. the addiction is raging and seeking any excuse it can find. there were times in my relationship when he would go away, (re: treatment) and in his absence I would discover just how insanely (and I don't use that word lightly) EXHAUSTED I was!

As I started to detach more and more... and I decided to do this because the repeated efforts at recovery were just not sticking (he was holding steady in his 20 year pattern of repeated relapsing/using and not doing everything it took to stay clean)...I would get enough distance and clarity to start to understand all the emotional/mental/spiritual abuse that was going on.

It's not even as though he intentionally "meant" to do it. the addiction uses all of that deflection, blame, rage, manipulation, abuse, criticism...etc to try to use again.

this helped me a lot: Addiction, Lies and Relationships

then, I finally realized that my life is mine, and though I loved jekyll I just no longer had any interest in living with the destructive and unhealthy hyde.

BeavsDad

Long ago, when you built those walls, you left your self-respect on the outside.

No one deserves this kind of disrespect, for any reason.

suki44883

You shouldn't have to do this and as a matter of fact you do not have to do this. What right does he have to verbally abuse you that way? He HAS no right. You do not deserve to be treated that way. You do not have to hang in there until he gets his crap together. If he wants to get his crap together he can do it without you being there.

Take care of yourself, find yourself a safe place, and let him rant and rave at the four walls. Alone.