lostheragain

i know i didnt cause it, can't (and shouldnt try to) control it and cant cure it. so, if one of the requirements that i have for us to stay together is to take over all the finances and not let her have access except through me is that a control issue? yes, i realize that it will make it harder but not impossible for her get pills but one of my issues is that we work so hard and though not rich we do make enough to pay bills and save for the thing that we want but we never seem to get ahead and a good portion of that is because of her addiction. If this continues and i decide to leave i do not want to be financially broke or ruined at the time. I am also afraid of being financially liable for any legal/civel issues that might arise from her use if she starts again (assuming that she decides to stop). because of this i am considering asking for a legal seperation. thoughts? comments?

lostheragain

yes, about 35-40%

Katiekate

YOu do have to protect yourself, but you do know if she wants to get drugs she will. If she doesn't have money she will sell things or find other means.

Do what you have to do to protect yourself. She has an obligation to the bills etc.... How you go about making that happen is a way of protecting yourself, just don't think by controlling the finanaces you will control her drug use. That is a separate issue.

lostheragain

Thank you, i did not expect it to control the drug use, i am starting to learn that she is the only one who can do that. I feel that i need to protect myself and any sort of a future that we may have together should she decide to stop using. Also, if she should not stop, I want to make sure that i am in a position to leave or have her leave while mitigating the financial stress.

LoveMeNow

I tried "controlling" the money....it didn't work for me. I was no match for the mind of an addict.

I, also, (blushes with embarrassment) tried to help wean him off pain killers. Again, I was no match for the mind of an addict.

Addicts are the most manipulative, cunning, deceitful and yet creative people I have ever met. My friend (who's ex was an addict too) and I used to laugh (so we didn't cry) about how we got outsmarted time and time again by someone's whose mind was impaired. Talk about self doubt and a self esteem killer. Ouch!!