I am Warrior Queen, 22 yo female, and I am an addict.
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
I am Warrior Queen, 22 yo female, and I am an addict.
I posted this in the NA Step One forum, but I think I could get some support here as well... Sorry for the double post, I just really need some people to talk to. 
From the first pill I ever took at the tender age of 14, I knew: I am an addict. Both of my parents are alcoholics, and I saved my dad from drinking himself to death. He survived his hospice (he has end stage cirrhosis) and everyone is surprised at his strength. Hes been sober nearly a year. My mom has cut back on her drinking, but I know she will quit when she's ready to...its not a choice I can make for her.
My addiction started out with me stealing pills out of our medicine cabinet every once in a while. Id take them at school and was in a haze through most of highschool. Somehow I managed to get straight A's and was an honor graduate.
After I graduated, I hit a terrible downward spiral. My grandmother died and I started doing nothing but drinking and huffing and pills (Benos and opiates). I lost all of my friends and my parents trust. I quit everything for a month so I could get a well paying job at a local hospital and then immediately relapsed after the drug test. I got the job and did it very well. I met my boyfriend and tried to quit the drugs yet again, getting 5 months before I relapsed around the time of my grandfathers death. I've tried to quit and I've failed every time. In March, my boyfriend had to go out of town for a month and I went with him. My 3rd day there I went to my first AA meeting and continued going to 2-3 a day until we came back home. I relapsed once I got back home in part because of a huge fight and decided I needed to keep going to meetings. I have gone to one NA meeting here because I don't have transportation to get to them anymore. I desperately want to go back. I recently relapsed again, its been like 4 days, and I don't know what to do... I've been reading my NA and AA books and trying to get the strength to start again. I dont have any friends that I can talk to and I really just need some support and guidance until I can get to meetings. I know I need to tell my boyfriend but it will break his heart... Maybe an online sponsor? Or someone I can text?
From the first pill I ever took at the tender age of 14, I knew: I am an addict. Both of my parents are alcoholics, and I saved my dad from drinking himself to death. He survived his hospice (he has end stage cirrhosis) and everyone is surprised at his strength. Hes been sober nearly a year. My mom has cut back on her drinking, but I know she will quit when she's ready to...its not a choice I can make for her.
My addiction started out with me stealing pills out of our medicine cabinet every once in a while. Id take them at school and was in a haze through most of highschool. Somehow I managed to get straight A's and was an honor graduate.
After I graduated, I hit a terrible downward spiral. My grandmother died and I started doing nothing but drinking and huffing and pills (Benos and opiates). I lost all of my friends and my parents trust. I quit everything for a month so I could get a well paying job at a local hospital and then immediately relapsed after the drug test. I got the job and did it very well. I met my boyfriend and tried to quit the drugs yet again, getting 5 months before I relapsed around the time of my grandfathers death. I've tried to quit and I've failed every time. In March, my boyfriend had to go out of town for a month and I went with him. My 3rd day there I went to my first AA meeting and continued going to 2-3 a day until we came back home. I relapsed once I got back home in part because of a huge fight and decided I needed to keep going to meetings. I have gone to one NA meeting here because I don't have transportation to get to them anymore. I desperately want to go back. I recently relapsed again, its been like 4 days, and I don't know what to do... I've been reading my NA and AA books and trying to get the strength to start again. I dont have any friends that I can talk to and I really just need some support and guidance until I can get to meetings. I know I need to tell my boyfriend but it will break his heart... Maybe an online sponsor? Or someone I can text?
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Hi and Welcome back Home.
It is a struggle but you can do it, at your age it is awesome that are seeking out help. I was a multi-user also, but it all came down to drinking. And it ran my life for over 20 years. You will find great people here, but I hope you get to the rooms of AA and get a f2f sponsor. And work the steps!!. 4 days is great just think about for today just dont use today.
My prayers are sent your way, together we stay sober.
Good love, Inda
It is a struggle but you can do it, at your age it is awesome that are seeking out help. I was a multi-user also, but it all came down to drinking. And it ran my life for over 20 years. You will find great people here, but I hope you get to the rooms of AA and get a f2f sponsor. And work the steps!!. 4 days is great just think about for today just dont use today.
My prayers are sent your way, together we stay sober.
Good love, Inda
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Hey WQ...I think if you call Intergroup for NA or AA in your area and explain your situation they could probably help you wth transportation to a meeting near you...I would say it's definetly worth a try...Let us know how it works out. Doing the steps with a f2f sponsor is the way to go. Get phone numbers and stay connected....Use this site for support and change your life....It's all about change.
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
Thank you all.
I do realize that i need a f2f sponsor. That's pretty important, and will be a main priority once I can get to actual meetings. Can anyone give me online NA meeting schedules?
I will try calling NA and seeing if they can help me with the transportation thing. I dont have any money so I'd feel really bad asking for a ride anyway... I live in the middle of no where.
I do realize that i need a f2f sponsor. That's pretty important, and will be a main priority once I can get to actual meetings. Can anyone give me online NA meeting schedules?
I will try calling NA and seeing if they can help me with the transportation thing. I dont have any money so I'd feel really bad asking for a ride anyway... I live in the middle of no where.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Why does everybody live in the middle of nowhere?...God help me. You can Google NA Meeting schedule with the town nearest to you...Maybe somebody can help you out...Explain you are broke and you are desperate. It can't hurt to try.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
W Q ... if you heard there was free booze and pills being handed out in a nearby town I bet you could find a way to get there, daily, I know I would.
You will have to use the same resourcefulness to get to meetings to get sober.
Look up NA and AA in your phone book and call them. I wish you the best.
Bob R
You will have to use the same resourcefulness to get to meetings to get sober.
Look up NA and AA in your phone book and call them. I wish you the best.
Bob R
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Some of us like living in the middle of nowhere
NA apparently recommends you call the local office as the meeting schedules must change a lot...nevertheless you'll find links to meeting schedules here WQ
Home
D
NA apparently recommends you call the local office as the meeting schedules must change a lot...nevertheless you'll find links to meeting schedules here WQ
Home
D
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
I would love to have someone to pick me up and take me to meetings but i still live with my parents who are overprotective and will only let me leave with my boyfriend. There is no way that would really work so im still stuck. He cant take me to meetings as he works all the time.
Once i have my car running I know where the meetings are held around here. I just needed support in the meantime...
Thanks anyways guys.
Once i have my car running I know where the meetings are held around here. I just needed support in the meantime...
Thanks anyways guys.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think it's important to keep doing all you can for your recovery. Many of us have never been to a meeting but we still stay sober
Maybe you can explain to your parents why you desperately want to go to meetings WQ?
I understand them being over protective but you're a 22 yo adult too.
I know you'll find the support you need here - and maybe online meetings too...I googled 'online NA meetings' and got a lot of hits.
D
Maybe you can explain to your parents why you desperately want to go to meetings WQ?
I understand them being over protective but you're a 22 yo adult too.
I know you'll find the support you need here - and maybe online meetings too...I googled 'online NA meetings' and got a lot of hits.
D
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
My parents are not very understanding when it comes to addictions. My mom would just tell me to pray about it and my dad would laugh at the idea. I love them both dearly, but I've never been able to talk to them about, well, anything... I've always been the adult at home and it seems like every time I leave, hell breaks loose. And whenever im there, Im just constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop. I've been through more in my 22 years than a lot of people go through in a lifetime. Ive always been fighting for my life. Just silently and alone.
My boyfriend is the only person who I talk to on a regular basis, but he doesn't really understand it, even though he struggles with some of his own addiction issues (gaming) that he hasnt come to terms with.
He had a bit of a pot addiction but he quit completely because his job requires testing and he doesnt understand that it doesn't matter what he used or how easy it was to quit, it was still an addiction.
I have severe social phobia and cant even answer a phone. I cant even contact my old friends on facebook, and I'm convinced everyone in the world can see through my facade and that they know how bad I am on the inside...Its very hard for me to trust people and extremely hard for me to make friends. I enjoyed the AA / NA meetings simply because I didn't feel alone and I didnt feel judged. Most people were extremely happy to see someone as young as me enter the rooms. I went to AA daily for a month but never got a sponsor because I was so far away from home and wasnt sure when I would be leaving. I learned a lot in AA even though I have never had a true drinking problem. My weakness has always been pills.
But now that I'm back at home, everything fell apart. I dont want to keep living this way. I'm so sick of having to depend on drugs to get me through the day.
I want to start living... I'm still young so I have plenty of time to get better... But I can't help but think about how I've already wasted 8 years of my life. I want to learn who I am without the poison in my veins... I want to feel and love again, and have friends who actually care about me...
Its just hard to get started when you have no model of what you could become. I know no one who is clean and sober. My mother enables my addiction. I don't want to have to cut ties with everyone... I dont know what to do...
My boyfriend is the only person who I talk to on a regular basis, but he doesn't really understand it, even though he struggles with some of his own addiction issues (gaming) that he hasnt come to terms with.
He had a bit of a pot addiction but he quit completely because his job requires testing and he doesnt understand that it doesn't matter what he used or how easy it was to quit, it was still an addiction.
I have severe social phobia and cant even answer a phone. I cant even contact my old friends on facebook, and I'm convinced everyone in the world can see through my facade and that they know how bad I am on the inside...Its very hard for me to trust people and extremely hard for me to make friends. I enjoyed the AA / NA meetings simply because I didn't feel alone and I didnt feel judged. Most people were extremely happy to see someone as young as me enter the rooms. I went to AA daily for a month but never got a sponsor because I was so far away from home and wasnt sure when I would be leaving. I learned a lot in AA even though I have never had a true drinking problem. My weakness has always been pills.
But now that I'm back at home, everything fell apart. I dont want to keep living this way. I'm so sick of having to depend on drugs to get me through the day.
I want to start living... I'm still young so I have plenty of time to get better... But I can't help but think about how I've already wasted 8 years of my life. I want to learn who I am without the poison in my veins... I want to feel and love again, and have friends who actually care about me...
Its just hard to get started when you have no model of what you could become. I know no one who is clean and sober. My mother enables my addiction. I don't want to have to cut ties with everyone... I dont know what to do...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by WarriorQueen 
Its very hard for me to trust people and extremely hard for me to make friends. I enjoyed the AA / NA meetings simply because I didn't feel alone and I didnt feel judged. Most people were extremely happy to see someone as young as me enter the rooms. I went to AA daily for a month but never got a sponsor because I was so far away from home and wasnt sure when I would be leaving. I learned a lot in AA even though I have never had a true drinking problem. My weakness has always been pills.
But now that I'm back at home, everything fell apart. I dont want to keep living this way. I'm so sick of having to depend on drugs to get me through the day.
But now that I'm back at home, everything fell apart. I dont want to keep living this way. I'm so sick of having to depend on drugs to get me through the day.
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