WorkInProgress8

and i just dont want to care anymore!! I know my recovery process has just begun but i really just wish i could stop caring and thinking about my XABF and all the things that happened over the past 4 yrs. Such a selfish,heartless ******* that i allowed to make me miserable and i try to my hardest every single day to put my mind somewhere else yet here i am. I dont want to care that he hasnt called my work phone (hes blocked from my cell) in 3 weeks to check on our son and ask to see him. I dont want to care if i see him in public or driving down the road. I dont want to think about about if hes ok or not & check the online newspaper to see if hes landed himself in jail yet again. I dont want to think about all the lies,cheating and manipulation. I dont want to care that our whole relationship was an illusion. I dont want to think about the time i wasted. I dont want to think about the good things he did for me bc it was a sham like everything else is with him. I dont want to think about how upsetting it is for my son to continuosly say he misses his daddy or that he wants his daddy. I dont want to find myself crying over the thought of his death bc of some alcohol related incident. I dont want to care if he ever gets sober or not. I just dont want to care about anything that has to do with him anymore, at all, point blank period!! I just want to be. Is that too much to ask? I cut off contact, dont see him and ended the relationship yet hes still pissing me off! Can a sister catch a break!? please pretty please??

sweetteewalls

Aw...I could've written your post with the exception we have a daughter and not a son. It is so hard not to let your mind go there. Journal? Helps me a lot...Be kind to yourself.

tomsteve

ya know what alays gets my goat when someone gets in my head and pisses me off???it prolly aint bothering them!! i hate it when i let people live rent free in my head and i know i cant send em a bill!!1
so, what i do is put pen to paper and see how it effects me.

NewbieJ

I too was going to suggest this, because when I read your post all I could think was, "She's grieving." And when I was grieving the loss of my father a couple years ago, the first thing I did was buy a journal. And in it, I would write to him and tell him my feelings and thoughts. It was what got me through it, because I couldn't always talk to people or make sense of it all, and "freewriting" and being able to let my thoughts flow naturally on paper worked for me.

Grieving the loss of a relationship, and knowing that person is out there still, is so difficult and I recognize the difference. However I do recommend journaling because it's a way to get those obsessive thoughts OUT of your head and onto something, taking it away at least for the short term. When you're angry at someone and you can't put it on them, at least you can put it on paper.