I'm an addict.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Orlando, FL.
Posts: 8
I'm an addict.
Hello everyone. I'm new to posting here. I've read a few posts when they showed up in Google but other than that I'm a noobie 
I'm about to make a post on my relapse concerns but I wanted to introduce myself first.
I can't post my real name, so just call me Kay (For the letter K) I'm a 18 year old male, turning 19 in August. You probably wouldn't know it by looking at me or even believe it if I told you, but I've been an addict since I was 14. All of these ages and time frames are approximate. Mostly because I honestly cannot remember most of this time of my life. Mind you, I have always been extremely intelligent and a straight A student. I graduated high school when I was 15. I was in college at 16 but I screwed it up with my drug addiction. I screwed up a lot of things with my addiction. My story proves that addiction takes many forms. Anyone can be afflicted with this disease.
When I was 14, I tried smoking weed and drinking. I loved it. I also SWORE that I would never touch anything other than weed or alcohol. That didn't last long. Shortly after I got my first taste of the world of pills. I fractured my ankle and got a bottle of T3's. Those were heaven to me. Later on I tried Vicodin, and that was another level of bliss. I loved it right away.
It went on like this for the next couple of years. I would go to doctors complaining of pain (Real or imagined) and get 10-20 Vicodin. Once they ran out, I would get some more from a friend or steal them from my mother or grandmother. I was also still drinking whenever I could get my hands on it. I wasn't an alcoholic by any means but I would drink when I could. It was all okay in my head. Little did I know, it was downhill from there. Once I turned 16 and had some of my own money, I was introduced by my brother to oxycodone. The most amazing thing I had tried to date. I loved everything about it. At $10 a pill it was a little pricey (By the way, they're around $28/30mgs now) but I bought them 4-5 at a time.
Once I ran out of my own money I would ask mom, or grandma, or stepdad, or friends. Anyone I could ask, I did. I tapped everyone just to get my pills. I still told myself I didn't have a problem. What ended up happening is that I would go on mini-binges where I would use 3-5 over a few days and not touch them for two weeks at least. Then I stopped for around 6 months.
Things got worse when I got a good job around age 17. I had broken up with my first real girlfriend who cheated on me. I was getting more and more depressed. I was making around $350 a week working from home, so I had plenty of money and plenty of time. I started buying blues (Oxy) at an alarming rate. They were $15 at the time and I would get my money from the boss and go straight to my dealers house and spend $200 on them right away. This would get me 15 of them since I bought them in bulk. I would use a couple a day until that wasn't enough.
I was snorting them now because just eating them wasn't enough for me. I would crush up 6 and snort 3 of them. 30 minutes to an hour later, the other 3 were in my nose. I was nodding off, drooling, not breathing, etc. I would be on skype with a friend of mine and scare her to death when I just stopped talking and breathing for 1-2 minutes at a time. There were many times where someone had to come to my house and wake me up or I would have died. Around this time I was also prescribed Xanax at 6mg/day. I was also abusing this. At this time in my life I was at what I consider my lowest point. At any point in time I would be on some combination of Xanax, Vicodin, Roxicet, Weed, and Alcohol. I was also on antidepressants and Ambien because I couldn't sleep. I hid all of this amazingly well from everyone.
After my near death experiences with the opiates and xanax, I decided to clean myself up. I stopped the xanax on my own and told my doctor I wanted to wean my dosage. I knew weaning wouldn't be enough for me so I stopped very abruptly (Dangerous I know) and suffered the worst withdrawals I have ever suffered. I was in hell for almost a month but I got it done. I'm no longer dependent on xanax.
I introduced myself to cocaine at the end of last year. Stupid, I know, but I had it on my drug "to do" list. I paid $60 for two grams and I loved it instantly. I kept buying more and more and used up around $1000 of my financial aid money on it in less than a month. At this time I was with my girlfriend (Now my wife) and she wanted me to stop, but knew she couldn't force me. I realized that I needed to stop. Not long after, I married my girlfriend and she found out we were pregnant. I couldn't be happier. Even though we're living with her parents while we're both in school, things are going great. She, along with my friends and family, and my drug addiction counselor are amazing for support.
I've been sober since 5/1/12 and I'm loving it. I've been married since 3/2/12 and I have a daughter on the way. It's very hard to stay sober but it's well worth it. I just hope I don't relapse soon like I have so many times before.
Anyways. That's me I hope to have a great time here and maybe I can help some people out with my story. I hope it wasn't too long. I just had to get all of it out.
I'm about to make a post on my relapse concerns but I wanted to introduce myself first. I can't post my real name, so just call me Kay (For the letter K) I'm a 18 year old male, turning 19 in August. You probably wouldn't know it by looking at me or even believe it if I told you, but I've been an addict since I was 14. All of these ages and time frames are approximate. Mostly because I honestly cannot remember most of this time of my life. Mind you, I have always been extremely intelligent and a straight A student. I graduated high school when I was 15. I was in college at 16 but I screwed it up with my drug addiction. I screwed up a lot of things with my addiction. My story proves that addiction takes many forms. Anyone can be afflicted with this disease.
When I was 14, I tried smoking weed and drinking. I loved it. I also SWORE that I would never touch anything other than weed or alcohol. That didn't last long. Shortly after I got my first taste of the world of pills. I fractured my ankle and got a bottle of T3's. Those were heaven to me. Later on I tried Vicodin, and that was another level of bliss. I loved it right away.
It went on like this for the next couple of years. I would go to doctors complaining of pain (Real or imagined) and get 10-20 Vicodin. Once they ran out, I would get some more from a friend or steal them from my mother or grandmother. I was also still drinking whenever I could get my hands on it. I wasn't an alcoholic by any means but I would drink when I could. It was all okay in my head. Little did I know, it was downhill from there. Once I turned 16 and had some of my own money, I was introduced by my brother to oxycodone. The most amazing thing I had tried to date. I loved everything about it. At $10 a pill it was a little pricey (By the way, they're around $28/30mgs now) but I bought them 4-5 at a time.
Once I ran out of my own money I would ask mom, or grandma, or stepdad, or friends. Anyone I could ask, I did. I tapped everyone just to get my pills. I still told myself I didn't have a problem. What ended up happening is that I would go on mini-binges where I would use 3-5 over a few days and not touch them for two weeks at least. Then I stopped for around 6 months.
Things got worse when I got a good job around age 17. I had broken up with my first real girlfriend who cheated on me. I was getting more and more depressed. I was making around $350 a week working from home, so I had plenty of money and plenty of time. I started buying blues (Oxy) at an alarming rate. They were $15 at the time and I would get my money from the boss and go straight to my dealers house and spend $200 on them right away. This would get me 15 of them since I bought them in bulk. I would use a couple a day until that wasn't enough.
I was snorting them now because just eating them wasn't enough for me. I would crush up 6 and snort 3 of them. 30 minutes to an hour later, the other 3 were in my nose. I was nodding off, drooling, not breathing, etc. I would be on skype with a friend of mine and scare her to death when I just stopped talking and breathing for 1-2 minutes at a time. There were many times where someone had to come to my house and wake me up or I would have died. Around this time I was also prescribed Xanax at 6mg/day. I was also abusing this. At this time in my life I was at what I consider my lowest point. At any point in time I would be on some combination of Xanax, Vicodin, Roxicet, Weed, and Alcohol. I was also on antidepressants and Ambien because I couldn't sleep. I hid all of this amazingly well from everyone.
After my near death experiences with the opiates and xanax, I decided to clean myself up. I stopped the xanax on my own and told my doctor I wanted to wean my dosage. I knew weaning wouldn't be enough for me so I stopped very abruptly (Dangerous I know) and suffered the worst withdrawals I have ever suffered. I was in hell for almost a month but I got it done. I'm no longer dependent on xanax.
I introduced myself to cocaine at the end of last year. Stupid, I know, but I had it on my drug "to do" list. I paid $60 for two grams and I loved it instantly. I kept buying more and more and used up around $1000 of my financial aid money on it in less than a month. At this time I was with my girlfriend (Now my wife) and she wanted me to stop, but knew she couldn't force me. I realized that I needed to stop. Not long after, I married my girlfriend and she found out we were pregnant. I couldn't be happier. Even though we're living with her parents while we're both in school, things are going great. She, along with my friends and family, and my drug addiction counselor are amazing for support.
I've been sober since 5/1/12 and I'm loving it. I've been married since 3/2/12 and I have a daughter on the way. It's very hard to stay sober but it's well worth it. I just hope I don't relapse soon like I have so many times before.
Anyways. That's me
I hope to have a great time here and maybe I can help some people out with my story. I hope it wasn't too long. I just had to get all of it out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Orlando, FL.
Posts: 8
For now I feel really good with the support network that I have. When I feel cravings or when I feel weak I call someone and talk to them. The only issue I have with NA is that I have always been hard headed and when things don't go slowly, I shy off right away. I'll ask my therapist for more information and see where it goes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Orlando, FL.
Posts: 8
Haha I guess you're right. We're all a little stuck in our ways.
What really helps is that my wife is never judgmental towards me, and never was. She was never the kind to say "I hate you doing xxx" Or "You're high again?" she would inform me that it wasn't what she liked, but would keep quiet after that.
If she had bitched at me for it, I most likely would have acted the opposite to spite her. You know, hard headed n all that :P
What really helps is that my wife is never judgmental towards me, and never was. She was never the kind to say "I hate you doing xxx" Or "You're high again?" she would inform me that it wasn't what she liked, but would keep quiet after that.
If she had bitched at me for it, I most likely would have acted the opposite to spite her. You know, hard headed n all that :P
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 158
Your story sounds like most of the people I grew up with. Except they moved from pain pills to heroin when pills got too expensive or hard to get. Most are junkies now or have died. Those are pretty much the only paths if you don't stay sober. (Sorry to be so harsh but I watched at least 10 honors students with full rides blow thier futures over oxys and other opiates)
Anyways, congrats on getting clean! Now you just have to find a way to stick with it! I'm sure your new child will be happy to have a sober father! Welcome to sr!
Anyways, congrats on getting clean! Now you just have to find a way to stick with it! I'm sure your new child will be happy to have a sober father! Welcome to sr!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'll tell you what...Hard headed or not....You've got a lot in for 18 years....You're lucky to be walking. I hope if you feel the need for more support you seek it. This is a great site to make yourself accountable...Hang around here when you get dumb thoughts in that hard head of yours. You never know...Maybe you can help somebody.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Orlando, FL.
Posts: 8
Thanks a lot Sapling and everyone else I'm glad I posted today because I was very weak. I feel confident now that I can make it without it. And yes I hope I can help somebody too. I'm happy to be here!
I'm glad I posted today because I was very weak. I feel confident now that I can make it without it. And yes I hope I can help somebody too. I'm happy to be here!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Welcome to SR K
congratulations on your marriage and your clean time
You'll find a lot of support and ideas here
You may also be interested in our substance abuse forum too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
D
congratulations on your marriage and your clean time
You'll find a lot of support and ideas here
You may also be interested in our substance abuse forum too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
D
I know you'll find the same kind of support here that I have - we're glad to have you with us!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Originally Posted by OxycoDont 
I feel confident now that I can make it without it.
Your positive attitude will serve you well. Keep up you commitment to stay clean and hope to see you around here more at SR.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
My title should indicate a brotherhood of sorts. I am 21 days clean and sober and absolutely loving it. I have said multiple times on this site that I am now where I wanted to be all the times I was hating myself for falling into the abyss again. You don't mention insomnia. It is a constant theme on posts on this site - including many of my own. Are you still taking some type of meds for anxiety or some other substance to alleviate this or are you immune?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Orlando, FL.
Posts: 8
I wouldn't say I was immune, But if I were to take a xanax bar to get high, I would just get sleepy. I still take it because of the panic attacks that stopping drugs mean. I also take Ambien for the insomnia. It works great.
Pardon my spelly tonight. The ambien is strting to work. Love and peace everyone!
Pardon my spelly tonight. The ambien is strting to work. Love and peace everyone!
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