Anon12

I feel like I'm being sucked back into situation despite taking action and asking abh to leave. Just like the drinking, he's not sorting out finding another place (well not that I can see). I found myself using rationale arguments and trying to encourage him to sort stuff out sooner for benefit of both of us. Felt like codependent manipulation!

Have left him sleeping (he said he didnt sleep last night as he was upset but im pretty sure he drank last night while i was away as he was wearing same clothes today as when I left yesterday) and im going to my mum's as i cant deal with his self pity. More importantly its holding him back from finding somewhere to live, and I can't move on!!

what do I do if he goes on a bender and loses his job? I know he's not my responsibility but I'm not free of the problem, if anything this is worse. He says his parents won't let him stay but am thinking maybe I should email them and ask if they could just put him up so he can flat hunt as his job is near them?

Would appreciate advice as I am stuck what to do.

Kindeyes

I'm sorry that you feel like you're in a jam.

I hope you understand why his parents won't let him come stay with them. It isn't because they don't love him. It's because they know they can't live with active addiction either. Taking him in might relieve you of the problem but it would create problems for them. So.....now the question is.....what other options do you have to resolve the problem you have?

Is his name on your lease or mortgage?

When I asked my XAH to move out many years ago, it was with the thought that it would be temporary until we could work things out. Once he was out of the house, my life immediately improved and what was going to be temporary became permanent. Although that wasn't my initial intention, that is what resulted.

Just sharing my experience......sometimes an opportunity presents itself. Recognizing the opportunity is half the battle.

gentle hugs
ke

Anon12

I do understand but his parents have never had to deal with his addiction - he wouldn't dream of drinking around them. His father has instead told me in the past when I asked for support that we were a couple and to sort it out together as well as saying I lacked maturity. When there was a major relapse a while back he told me I needed to be committed to the relationship. It isn't their problem or fault but they havent even called me once to see how I am coping.

His name is on the lease but I pay the rent. He has since called to say he is looking on internet for places and calling around. I just want him to move now.

Pelican

I was not on the mortgage of our family home.

I did like Kindeyes, I asked my A to leave temporarily to give me space/time to think.

I did change it from a temporary to a permanent arrangement, but I moved out of the house after about 45 days.

Have you discussed options with your landlord?

Since you are both on the lease, what if you move out (temporarily), and tell him he has to foot all the bills since he is staying in the apartment. Turn off any utilities that are in your name (see if it can be temporary). Discuss this plan with your landlord so you don't damage your credit or good standing with management.

I suggest that because he really has no reason to leave with the bills still being payed, and having continued contact with you.

Anon12

I think I'm going to see what happens this weekend and if I don't see evidence of action, that is my next step. I don't really have anywhere to go that is workable for my job but I think I can speak to my landlord if things don't move on and see what my options are.